by Madeline Iva
Hello fetish kittens! Today we have Madeira Darling with us, who is a professional dominatrix and fetish model. She did an amaze-balls expose for XO, Jane about her life as a professional dominatrix.
Madeira Darling is a fetish model, a professional dominatrix and a would-be erotica author.
In this article, Madeira alluded to some of her whack sexual interests–and an interest in writing erotica. When I heard that she was interested in our writing biz, my little moth feelers went up. I was dying to know what a dominatrix fantasizes about when it comes to sex, and Madeira with her gender-fluid, cray-cray imagination does *not* disappoint. The rewards of that chat are spilled out here for your enjoyment & edification.
Note: Madeira is too cool for school, so for those of you who want to play along at home, I’ve added links to assist you with some of her cutting edge references.
Second note: Madeira sez: “Massive content warning: I discuss rape, domestic violence, other kinds of violence and also a lot of stuff I’m into strikes a lot of people as pretty gross.”
Brace yourselves, my darlings — here we go!
MADELINE IVA: In your XO, JANE article about what it’s like being a professional dominatrix, you mentioned how your younger self was drawn into this world via fantasies that fueled your interests. How have your tastes in fantasies changed since then? Has your work experience shifted your tastes?
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MADEIRA DARLING: I mean honestly, fantasies of being enslaved, of being a dog, and acts like self bondage and gagging myself with packing tape were all common to me even as a small child. It wasn’t sexual then, just an idea that had an appeal and resonance. Men in women’s clothing have also always loomed large in my imagination. When I was younger I definitely thought of myself as more switchable, though submissive to women generally. Submissive men pretty much ruined any thought I had that I was a switch.
I’ve also gotten a lot pickier in terms of what I deem “attractive enough.” When I was younger I’d had a shitty adolescence and felt very isolated at school, so any attention felt like good attention. After a few experiences that left me nauseated I figured that one out.
I think I also realized more of what I was into was about, and loosened up around some stuff that excited me secretly when I was younger that I felt kind of guilty about –which I’ll talk more about later.
MADELINE IVA: I noted in your interview how the professional world has rubbed some of the glitter away from these fantasies over time — but has writing erotica brought back that more pure-fantasy driven self?
MADEIRA DARLING: Well, for me by the time I started domming I’d realized I was a sub (OH THE IRONY!) and was with a gal who was dominant, so my work has always been pretty thoroughly disconnected from the realities of my sex life. That said I’m currently working on an erotic horror story set in a gigantic mouldering Victorian estate (set dressing is very important to me for effective fantasy, I just cannot get into it if the decor is bad) and I love an elaborate storyline, and I really really love erotic horror, so I mean, my fantasy driven self has always been on the baroque side.
MADELINE IVA: Awesome! Do you ever get sexual pleasure out of dominating men — even though you’re very clear that you DON’T have sex with the clients (for legal reasons) and that you’re also a sub in your current relationship.
MADEIRA DARLING: Ew, no. I find submissive men completely unsexy, the only sort of session that have ever excited me are findom cuckolding things which I do as a “you’ll never get to touch me, my man can bend me over and fuck me like a bitch in heat whenever he pleases, see how shitty you look in comparison to a real man” (hilarious given that my dude is a very pretty goth boy who wears dresses and makeup, though he is dominant, and can pretty much have me whenever he wants me, because he’s too damned pretty to say no to.
MADELINE IVA: Are submissive men EVER attractive to you? (like even once?)
MADEIRA DARLING: When I was younger, the idea that it was something that almost no men were into appealed to me… then I realized how skeevily much so many were into it… and so it became a huge turn off. I had adult submissive men hitting on me when I was very young, 15 or 16 and so… yeah that kinda killed any possibility of that being a thing.
MADELINE IVA: When you were just getting into ‘the life’ what were your top forbidden fantasies? What are your top forbidden fantasies now? Have they changed? Do you only channel those fantasies into the erotica you write or do you explore them in your relationship?
MADEIRA DARLING: When I started working I was really into dollification (the porcelain doll side more than the barbie doll side), and I guess what you’d call mindfuck. I liked having my perceptions of reality messed with. Also I’d fairly recently gotten out of a seriously abusive relationship with a dude who was somewhat sexually submissive (that may also have contributed to me finding submissive men sexually repulsive) who had raped me multiple times (man, that went somewhere dark fast) and so a lot of play rape helped me process it. I’m mostly done processing it now, and so play rape doesn’t have the appeal it once did. In fact I fantasize about sex that’s sort of hyper consensual on my part now (so having my dom go “I don’t know if you want it bad enough unless you complete this list of degrading assignments”.
Valeria Lukyonova is the new face of the drastic plastic barbie doll look.
In terms of what I’m into now, a lot of it can be done as role play, but is impossible in a literal sense. I’ve accepted I’m into bimbofication over the past few years (and indulged that kink hard, I’ve got the fake tits, collagened lips, and slutty outfits to prove that) which is a kink my spouse and I are really well matched on (he thinks drastic plastic barbie dolls are super sexy, I think being a drastic plastic barbie doll for a dude with pretty hair and great cheekbones is super sexy).
I’ve also realized I have a gigantic mommy kink, but only with dudes (and again the only dudes I like are glammy rock n’ roll types) … so in other words, I want David Bowie (70/71 Lauren Bacall look alike era preferably) to be my mommy and ideally be hyper-critical of my wardrobe and diet and basically be a terrible pageant mom (which isn’t what I had at all, my mom wanted Scout from To Kill A Mocking Bird. She got me). I do find Margaret White (Carrie’s mom) in the recent CARRIE remake super hot… have I mentioned that I’m fucked up? I’m really fucked up. This ties into the bimbofication general transformation thing for me, because the idea of becoming whatever a partner wants me to be is kind of like a symbolic rebirth.
Julianna Moore as Margaret White in the CARRIE reboot
I can also tie the idea of man as mother into Christian mythology and point out that the virgin Mary and Adam both (in a way) had virgin births (Eve is Adam’s rib, ergo, he on a symbolic level gave birth to her). I don’t know what that means, but I do know that the idea of a pretty man dressed up as the virgin Mary turns me on in a way that it probably shouldn’t.
I’ve also gotten really into ero-guro guy on guy stuff (I write a lot of collaborative stuff with a friend mostly just for giggles/wank material, topics that come up frequently: Rib cages being cracked open, vampires with regenerative abilities, dicks that shoot acid and glasgow smiles). So basically, I think working in the industry has really allowed me to truly embrace the really really gross parts of my own sexuality.
Darling being doll-like.
I mean when I was younger I felt bad for wanting dudes to come on my face and thought I was a bad feminist because the idea of getting breast implants turned me on, whereas at this point I’m pretty much “RELEASE THE ID” (as in the Freudian concept of id) and actually enjoy the fact that many people find my sexual interests… upsetting.
MADELINE IVA: What’s your latest work-in-progress about?
MADEIRA DARLING: An irresponsible rockstar, part Hunter S. Thompson, part David Bowie, part Paris Hilton is signed on by British Intelligence (MI-13.2 the bizarre tactics division) and given a license to kill (or well permission, they don’t have a little “license to kill” card for him). Psychedelic adventures, group sex, and wacky hijinks involving illegal firearms and designer bags ensue.
MADELINE IVA: This is where I quiz you for some specific reading recs. First of all, do you like erotic romance vs. erotica? What are you looking for in erotica?
MADEIRA DARLING: I’d like erotic romance if there were more erotic romance tailored to my specific (weird) needs, but I have too many weird kinks, and too many weird turnoffs (fun fact: I can’t masturbate to things involving men with short hair, it just absolutely ruins it for me. I also can’t masturbate to anything excessively misogynistic… and it has to be fem sub, or lesbian but I’m really really picky about that, or guy on guy, but if it’s guy on guy there has to be switching or I find the entire thing meh) and so finding anything that suits me is nearly impossible so mostly at this point I write my own.
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When I was younger, man did I love me some fanfiction (Harry/Draco was my jam) and I will say Dark Designs by Madelynne Ellis pushes a lot of my buttons.
Also while not technically erotica, Lost Souls and Drawing Blood by P.Z. Brite are definitely wank fodder for me.
I’ll admit to still reading fanfic for porn now and then (Metalocalypse, I like Skwisgaar, I like Skwisgaar a lot). Honestly, I even have trouble finding erotica to suit my needs, though the Take Me There trans erotica collection had a few stories that pushed some buttons for me, and the writing is excellent, but yeah… mostly I write erotica because there’s very little erotica out there I like (which is not to say there isn’t good erotica, it’s just that it’s not erotica that scratches my itch).
In terms of what I want in an erotic romance novel I have a list of demands HERE, you can probably see why I have trouble finding what I want.
MADELINE IVA: This is the best list ever!!!! Lately, having read a bit more about the BDSM world and I’ve wondered: do any men make money being a dom? If not, why not? Is this profession that’s like male modeling vs. female modeling?
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MADEIRA DARLING: Some men can make money domming gay men, but it’s a smaller market. Trying to make a living domming women…well given the structure of society as it stands, that ain’t gonna work. Society makes women feel like the point of sex is to validate their physical attractiveness, and so paying a sex worker would actually defeat the purpose of sex as it is laid out to most women.
MADELINE IVA: There’s that stereotype of the powerful/responsible men paying for a dominatrix in order to drop the weight of that responsibility for a bit. Have you seen this played out in real life? Or are the men you see also rather submissive in their real life?
MADEIRA DARLING: I see both to be honest. A lot of them are real Mr. Bigwig business and political types, and then a fairly equal number are shy soft spoken dudes, and then a lot are somewhere in between. I think in reality you can’t really tell what someone’s going to be into based on what they’re like outside of sex.
MADELINE IVA: I heard this joke:
A thief sneaks into a woman’s bedroom at night and goes over to the safe. The woman wakes up, pulls the bedsheets up and asks: “OMG, are you going to rape me?” The thief says, “I don’t know, Lady, it’s your dream.”
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That said, it seems like some of your clients sound like they just don’t come prepared for a session with you with specific fantasies. So do you ever use your own sexual fantasies?
MADEIRA DARLING: Well, that’s an interesting question, because in all of my fantasies I am submissive, and even swapping the roles around… it would feel too personal. That said, I think because I am submissive, I understand submissive desires more. I often adopt the kind of tone and posture I like having my dominant use on me.
MADELINE IVA: A friend asked this one — Is a fantasy sometimes better left unfulfilled?
MADEIRA DARLING: To that one dude who calls me to talk about cutting his dick off with scissors, yes, yes it is.
THANK YOU SO MUCH MADEIRA for coming onto our blog today and sharing so much with us!!! You are one brave creative genius, and I not only wish you fervent success with your writing, but I hope you think about coming back and maybe guest blogging with us at some point.
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