Love Thyself – It’s Masturbation Month!

4 May

By Elizabeth Shore

May is an awesome month, isn’t it? The weather’s finally nice, flowers are in full bloom, and love is in the air. Self love, that is. Even if you’re not involved in any kind of relationship with another person, May is the time of year when you most certainly should be celebrating a committed relationship with yourself. Why? Because, my friends, as our pals over at kinkly.com recently reminded us, May is National Masturbation Month.

It’s said that 98% of people masturbate and the other 2% are liars. So c’mon, everyone. Go ahead and spank that bishop. Flick that bean. Engage in a little hand to gland combat. Whatever your euphemism of choice, May is the time to get out there and show yourself some love.

For women, there have long been gadgets galore to help us with solo sex. Dildos and vibrators are commonplace. As one friend of mine lamented as she flicked through the catalogue at a Passion Party we were attending, “The last thing I need is yet another dildo.” It hasn’t historically been the same way for men, who for years have been perfectly content to beat their meat using nothing but a well-practiced hand. Recent years, however, have seen the rise in the “guybrator” and other toys specifically designed for men. Why? I found an article on salon.com that quotes Leo Debois, co-founder of adamstoybox.com, an online retailer offering a virtual smorgasbord of male sex toys. Debois says that straight men in particular are becoming more familiar with the amazing sensation of prostate stimulation during sex and they want toys to enhance their pleasure.

Because men are buying more toys, the amount of choices are increasing as well. Going beyond the “Fleshlight,” men can choose from among options such as guybrators, sleeves, prostate stimulators, and anal pleasure toys. And – bonus points! – many of these toys can also be used in couple play.

But hey, let’s stay focused on going solo, shall we? We’re celebrating Masturbation Month, after all, and this year marks its 21st anniversary. It all began back in 1995 in San Francisco and has been noted every year since. Yet the marking of this month is far from a hallowed hullabaloo. Masturbation to this day has a slightly shameful or embarrassing association, and that’s just ALL WRONG. First off (heh), it’s a natural thing to do. Second, talk to most men and they’ll tell you that watching a  woman masturbate is one of the hottest things she can do for her partner. And women, I dare say, feel the same. It can be a huge turn on watching your man masturbate for you, as I mentioned last year in a post about mutual masturbation. It’s intimate, it shows he trusts you, you can learn what pleases him, and – perhaps first and foremost – it’s just incredibly, scorching-hot sexy.

bestfriendsnever_800 (1You want another reason why May’s an awesome month? Because we’re celebrating the releae of our own Isabelle Drake’s new book, Best Friends Never. It’s Book 1 in her Cherry Grove series, and is a fast-paced, suspenseful YA where secrets are plentiful, and nothing is what it seems. Do yourself a favor and grab a copy. It’ll be another way of giving yourself a little love.

 

Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her recent releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires. Her newest book, released April 29th, is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tiger (Beat) by the Tail: Keeping the 80s Hot Today

3 May
High School Confidential: Click here to score this story of two friends separated by a dark secret.

High School Confidential: Click here to score this story of two friends separated by a dark secret.

By Alexa Day

Celebrating Isabelle Drake’s new release, a young adult novel called Best Friends Never, has put me in mind of high school. High school is now in my distant past, and I’m surprised by how little of it I remember. For one thing, I think my mind is trying to protect me from it. High school wasn’t all that gentle with me.

I have only shadowy recollections of prom season, football games, and the inimitable pain-pleasure of wanting the cutest boy in school to talk to me mixed with the horrifying certainty that I would say or do something ridiculous if this encounter actually took place. Good times, good times, right?

But two special friends made high school in the 80s easier to survive. Their names? Tiger Beat and Bop.

Tiger Beat would tell you why Johnny looks so serious here.

Tiger Beat would tell you why Johnny looks so serious here.

Let’s be honest. Tiger Beat and Bop were basically a version of Playboy, marketed toward the teenage girl. Sure, there was some incredibly hard-hitting journalism buried in their interior pages. If you wanted to know how if John Stamos was going to choose his family over you or what really happened with Scott Baio’s breakup or if George Michael was just going to walk away from Wham!, Tiger Beat had you covered.

It was a more innocent time ... for some of us.

It was a more innocent time … for some of us.

I wasn’t reading Tiger Beat and Bop for the interviews. I’m not sure I remember reading it at all. I was more about the pin-ups. Thanks to them, I always had someone super cute waiting in my locker between classes. Today, I’m learning to appreciate staying power at least as much as good looks, and my vacation down Memory Lane into the 1980s showed me that quite a few of my favorite pin-up boys have become fine pin-up men.

Check out these timeless beauties.

Looking like a billion dollars as Tony Stark, RDJ is older, smarter, stronger ... better.

Looking like a billion dollars as Tony Stark, RDJ is older, smarter, stronger … better.

Robert Downey, Jr. See that guy on the cover of Sassy? Hard to imagine that he’d eventually become the mighty RDJ we know and love today. First, of course, we must consider the obvious — he’s aging splendidly. Robert Downey, Jr. Is every lick as hot as he was almost 30 years ago, if not hotter. But what makes the man so very tempting is the knowledge that he has been through Some Shit and emerged a better, wiser, stronger man. That smooth, unlined face is a thing of the past, but in his place, we’ve got someone with perspective, wisdom, and a brilliant sense of humor. And did I mention that he’s still hot? Even hotter than before? I said that, right?

Not to worry. That frown won't leave a wrinkle.

Not to worry. That frown won’t leave a wrinkle.

Johnny Depp. The big difference between RDJ and Johnny Depp? I’m not so sure Johnny is aging. Even as Captain Jack Sparrow, he looks like he’s been around, but he doesn’t really look any older than he did in the 80s. Put that pinup next to something a little more recent, like this shot from Sleepy Hollow. Does it look like time is passing for Johnny at all? The best thing about Johnny is that he’s unpredictable. There’s something weighty and serious behind those dark eyes, and I sometimes wonder if he even knows what he’ll do next. But one thing’s for certain: almost 30 years after 21 Jump Street, he can still put a smile on a teenage girl’s face. (He’ll make a grown woman cry, too, if you’re not careful. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Kiefer Sutherland. I’m going to cheat a little here, since I can’t put my hand on an actual pin up of Kiefer. I know I had one, though. Of all the super cute hotties of high school, he stayed in my locker the

Tiger Beat would tell you what Kiefer is looking at.

Tiger Beat would tell you what Kiefer is looking at.

longest. What can I say? Gentlemen aren’t the only ones who prefer blonds. I supplied a little something from Young Guns, which I’m ashamed to say I have never seen in its entirety. I was more about The Lost Boys, where Kiefer was at his angular, platinum blond best. Hey, if blonds are good, blond bad boys are better. And then, just to hit the hot trifecta, can we talk about that voice? This was a while after the pin-up era, but listening to Kiefer’s super sexy voice giving orders to poor Colin Farrell in Phone Booth — just the thought of that is making me fluttery. Still smoking hot in the present day, Kiefer is right now involved in HeForShe, a gender equality initiative for men and boys standing up for the rights of women and girls. Hot blond bad boy with a sexy voice becomes a hot blond feminist with a sexy voice. I will not be heard to say no to that.

Reunited sure feels good to me! Kiefer and Lou Diamond Phillips look like Young Guns just happened.

Reunited sure feels good to me! Kiefer and Lou Diamond Phillips got back together for ’24.’

So who kept your locker nice and warm back in the day? Rob Lowe? The estimable Marky Mark? Did you get caught up in the Second Coming of the Monkees, like I did? Tell all in the comments.

Be sure to get yourself a copy of Isabelle Drake’s Best Friends Never, for all that delightful teenage drama.

And make sure you’re following Lady Smut.

Friends for Now

2 May

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

we-dont-lose-friends-we-just-learn-who-our-real-ones-are-quote-1When I was in graduate school in my late twenties, I met a young woman who became a close friend. We spoke or emailed every day. We went out to bars together to dance, walking barefoot through Hoboken (okay, that was just me and I was, not surprisingly, drunk off my ass) to get to my car in its parking space six blocks from the bar (she drove; I’m not an idiot). I took over her apartment (and her roommate) when she moved in with her boyfriend. We had classes together. She was a comforting ear and supportive friend through some significant family drama. Her boyfriend wanted to move home to Florida. She went with him.

I never heard from her again.

I looked for her. I called her, left animated messages that conveyed my concern and disappointment that we hadn’t had a chance to go out one last time before she moved. Email and the Internet were still relatively new–there was no Facebook. No social media. My friend knew I didn’t like the idea of her leaving her job to go with this man to a place where she knew no one and did not have a job waiting for her, but those were my fears, not hers, and once expressed, I’d supported her in the transition. My last voice mail got bounced back to me, presumably because she changed numbers and providers, and there was little left to do after that.

I’d learned the lesson of fickle friendships as a child in grade school when girls would be attached to my hip, thick as thieves, BFFs forever one day and, literally the next, in a total about-face, colluded in packs with other girls to bully a bewildered and mortified me saying such horrible things about young me as to astonish you. Or perhaps not. As such, the intransigence of “friendship” was indelibly tattooed on me from very early on in life.

Frenemy-01-31-14-400x392

Sadly, this was neither the first nor the last time a friend would disappear from my life. Despite those unkind childhood experiences, I’ve always struggled with understanding how one day a person could be your sincere bosom friend and the next either your sworn enemy or, in this case, just gone. Worse, to have people to whom you were intimately linked, but when those life paths you were on together turned in different directions, the relationship failed to whether it. Were they insincere in their friendship. Did it hold no value for them?

But then, someone shared with me this concept of “friends for now.” That there are people put in your life for that cycle; the perfect companions for the period of life that needs them. It took a lot for me to come to terms with that idea. Growing up, I didn’t have so many friends that I could hold them only for those periods of life that they were there. Those painful childhood lessons on friendship (decades before the idea of “frenemies” or “mean girls” was so commonplace) had been learned too well and what friends I did have, I wanted to hold on to tightly for fear that I’d never again have any others.

But by the time my friend moved to Florida, life and experience had taught me otherwise. I cherished my friends, but understood the complexities of relationships and peer groups as my younger self could never have known. Likewise, I came to terms with the idea of “friends for now”. It’s not something that occurs while forming friendships or finding those like-minded people to whom you relate. You don’t know what friendships are made to last and which ones are there for that moment in your lives when you connect. Social media, especially Facebook, has revolutionized how we connect and reconnect in both positive and negative ways. It’s easier now to find common ground and create a false sense of friendship with people you may never meet in person in your life. Which does nothing to make those relationships disingenuous.

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click on image to buy

But much like college friends ease away to different states and jobs as they marry and have children and build families, much as my mid-twenties group of interconnected friends eventually married one another and broke off into phases of life with which I shared little in common, much as the friends I know from church and those from publishing connections or work connections or wherever link and disconnect in the most unexpected ways, there will be friends for now who are part of an experience and then wane as that experience ends and then there are friends with whom time and distance makes no barrier that can’t be overcome with the simplest of connections. And sometimes the friends you have for now are exactly the ones you needed.

In Lady Smut blogger Isabelle Drake’s, new release Best Friends Never, two former best friends share a nasty, life-ruining secret that may be the key to student’s disappearance.

Follow Lady Smut. We’ll be anything you’re looking for. For now.

Sexy Saturday Round Up

30 Apr

SSRUWhat glorious spring weather we’re having! When you’re done waltzing about outside singing Tra-la! under blue skies, we’ll be here so you can settle down and follow the latest and greatest in erotic romance reads, romance, gender, and other simply fascinating news and opinion.

Jezebel sez Chyna deserved better.  R.I.P. Chyna, world wrestling great.

From Heroes & Heartbreakers: 7 reasons to binge watch The Night Manager and #Hiddlesbum

Use simple mathematical science to unlock the secrets of online dating!

Why you should stop hugging your dog.

Maybe you’re straight, maybe you’re gay, or maybe you’re asexual? Learn about this hub for asexuals & a pod cast about their lives. 

Another wonderful article on why women who want to look younger should stop dying their hair and go grey.

OMG! I want to see this movie sooooo badly! The AB/FAB movie trailer is here!

Best erotic romance bets for April.

You look so young! New Science says you might be a ginger.

From Rolling Stone: More on millennials & Sex! 

Are you perpetuating these 6 tricky toxic relationship behaviors?

From G.G. Andrew:

The Southside with You trailer, a movie about the Barack and Michelle falling in love, lands. Swoon!

Is there a connection between DNA and when we lose our virginity?

Tinder has a new feature. Like it? Hate it?

From Elizabeth Shore:

Is it art or just plain weird? We return for a second week: The woman with tons of dick pics turns her collection into a show.

Filed under the headline of WTF??! – An Oklahoma court rules that forced oral sex isn’t rape if the victim is unconscious.

The end of an era – after 30 years on the air, “Loveline” calls it quits.

Sex and Shakespeare – much ado about pain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wild Times From Wild on the Rocks: An Excerpt

29 Apr

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

WildOnTheRocks-KindleWorldsSize-PROMO

Come on. Go a little wild! Click on image to buy.

It’s been Theme Week here at Lady Smut. Each day this week, one of the Lady Smut bloggers dove deep into the themes and aspects of my debut romantic suspense novel, Wild on the Rocks.

On Monday, I talked about why Navy SEALs turn my crank, Tuesday, Alexa Day chatted about the joys and pleasures to be found at the beach–with or without a lover. Wednesday, Elizabeth Shore looked at the pros and cons of reuniting with a lover. And yesterday, Madeline Iva unpacked all the crazy that comes with a Vegas wedding.

Wow! Now that’s a wild week!

Nothing left but to unpack a steamy, emotional excerpt from Wild on the Rocks to give all you lovely Lady Smutters a taste of the good stuff!

But wait, THERE’S MORE.

Read all the way to the end and leave a comment to be entered to win a free copy of Wild on the Rocks!

Buckle up!

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

—Sammy Davis, Jr.

“Did you really expect to escape so easily?”

Instant terror rushed through Quinn, eradicating her exhaustion with a tremendous surge of flight or fight.

They found her.

She flung herself back from the bed, tripping over her own feet as she groped blindly for the door in the dark. She could feel a large body pursue her through the small room. A vibe of menace crawled along her skin. She screamed, high and shrill, when his hand gripped her arm so tight, she thought it’d come off right then and there.

Her knee thrust up, but he expertly dodged and yanked her back to the bed with a wordless growl. “Leave! Go!” she yelled, hoping, praying, someone in the sleepy, quiet apartment complex would hear and call the cops, call anyone for fuck’s everlasting sake, before this guy killed her or knocked her out and stashed her in a trunk for the long trip back to Jersey for worse.

He tossed her on the bed with ease, a move that would’ve made her marvel if she wasn’t so afraid, and promptly climbed on top of her. Immediately, she bucked, so pumped up on adrenaline, she managed to bounce them both up in the bed.

“Stop it,” he ordered as they struggled, gruff and seemingly unruffled by her efforts, efforts that were quickly draining her of strength.

Get off!” she screamed into his shadowed face. He pinned her hands to either side of her head. She felt his hips shift between her legs and new shoots of panic sprung up inside her gut.

Oh God, oh God, she couldn’t shift him. She wasn’t strong enough to get free.

She wasn’t strong enough for this.

“Please don’t kill me,” she pleaded, tears streaking down her cheeks. “I didn’t see anything, I swear. I won’t say a word. Please, please don’t hurt me.”

The full weight of him pressed into her as his hands moved to cradle her head. “Quinn, it’s all right. It’s me. You’re safe.”

“Please don’t kill me,” she begged again.

A strangled sound of frustration escaped his throat. “I’m not gonna kill you, honey. Take a breath. You’re okay. I’m gonna make it all okay.”

Slowly, the familiarity of his form and voice finally penetrated her fear. “Jasper?” she breathed.

“Yeah, babe. I’m here.”

Jasper was here.

Thank God, Jasper was here.

The rush of relief was nearly as debilitating as the terror that’d preceded it. Which had to be why she grabbed his wrists in an unholy vise and blurted out, “They’re going to kill me, Jasp.”

He eased up slightly and leaned his forehead against hers so that, even in the dark, she could see the intense gleam of conviction in his eyes. “Nobody’s going to hurt you, sweetheart. I promise.”

His words settled deep within her, spurring her arms to circle his shoulders as she burrowed her face in his throat. He shifted them on their sides, slid a leg between her thighs, linking them together, and pulled her into him as Quinn trembled with full body shivers.

She was taking this. She needed this. She could pull up her bitch pants and lace up her shit-stomping boots later. Right now, she was hiding out in Jasper’s strong and more than capable arms.

God, she loved his arms.

She could barely believe he was here.

Hang on. Jasper was here.

She reared back and smacked his shoulder. “Are you crazy?!”

His resigned exhale feathered her hair. “Knew that was too good to last.”

“What in the world made you think it was a good idea to break into my apartment and lie in wait for me?! Wait, scratch that. What in the holy hell are you doing here?!”

His hold on her tightened, something she hadn’t thought possible. “I told you we weren’t finished.”

She smacked him again. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“Quinn…”

“Don’t you ‘Quinn’ me in that tone of voice, Jasper McQueen! I am not one of your soldiers. I do not jump when you say so and ask how high on the way up.”

“We’re sailors, not soldiers. And no, you jump into my arms the second I touch you.”

“I do not.”

“You practically burrowed under me.”

She snorted. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Don’t have to when you do shit like that.”

“Cocky.”

Quinn gasped when he grinded his rock hard thigh between her legs.

“Yeah, but you like me that way.”

“I can’t believe you’re getting off on this.” She pushed to get free, and when that didn’t budge him, reached back to pry his hands off. He snatched hers up and gave them a squeeze.

“Baby, I got you squirming under me, no training in the world is gonna keep me soft.”

“I thought you were here to kill me!”

His jaw hardened. Any hint of amusement was gone when he replied, “Yeah, let’s talk about that.”

Like that was going to happen. “Not on your life,” she vowed.

“It’s your life I’m worried about. And don’t bother bullshitting me. You’re as worried as I am, and I know this because you told me.”

Dammit, that was true. She’d been so relieved it was Jasper in her room and not Thug One or Thug Two (or someone worse), she’d nearly told him everything.

Score one for subconscious self-preservation.

“Let me go,” she demanded.

“You gave that to me,” Jasper reminded her unnecessarily, ignoring her demand. “And I don’t care if you were scared outta your mind when you did. Finally, you’re telling me some truth, and now you’re going to give me the rest of it.”

That raised her hackles again. “Why? Because you say so?”

“Yes!” he roared, ratcheting from zero to sixty in a scorching hot minute. “I have some fucking significant experience with this shit, Quinn. Maybe, for a change, you could follow my goddamn lead!”

“I’ve followed enough for one lifetime and have been doing fine without you since I stopped doing that.” That was more of a lie than she’d like to admit, but she sure as hell wasn’t adding that to her list of confessions.

“Sure. You did so fine without me, how come, a second ago, you were begging me not to kill you?”

Crap, he had her there too. “We’ve been through this already. It’s none of your business.”

“Yeah, we’ve been through this already, but you don’t seem to be getting a clue.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

He shook her by the shoulders and didn’t bother to be gentle about it. “Who are you so afraid of, Quinn?”

The moment her eyeballs settled back in their sockets, Quinn reared up into his face and carefully enunciated, “It’s none. Of. Your. Business.”

“God damn it,” he growled and then his mouth was on hers, and her tongue was against his, and she sank back into his heat and the flavor that was only ever Jasper. Her fingers dug into his shirt where it pulled across his back. The leather straps of his holster dragged against the tops of her breasts. She whimpered as her nipples raised up against the friction.

Quinn lifted her outside leg and hooked it over his hip. She dug her heel into the small of his back and used it as leverage to push up and get even closer, so close, his eyelashes brushed her nose when he lifted up and repositioned his mouth to take hers again, rough and deep and wet and, God, it was Jasper, and she couldn’t get enough, she would never get enough of him.

His fingers plunged into her hair to drag her head back as though he couldn’t stop their kiss under his own power. “Fine,” he said in a gravelly voice that shot vibrations through her sex. “Keep your secrets. I only came here to fuck you.”

And like that, all her desire for him went poof, as though she’d been doused in cold water. Jasper never spoke to her that way—he never spoke to anyone that way, at least not when she’d been around to hear. Shock locked up her frame. “Wha—?” she barely managed. “What did you say to me?”

“You heard me.” He bent to kiss her again; she shoved a blocking hand between their mouths.

“You are out of your mind if you think you can say that and expect me to keep on keeping on. How dare you!”

His grip on her hair bordered on uncomfortable. “I dare, Quinn. I’ll dare anything until you tell me what I want to know. If that means I have to fuck it outta you—” He shrugged. “I’ve done far worse to get intel.”

She didn’t want to think about what that “worse” might entail. “You are such a son of a bitch,” she hissed. “Get off me!”

Instead he rolled them so he was on top again, which Quinn felt was a clear enough, if unacceptable, answer. “Don’t bother pretending I’m alone in this. A year apart hasn’t done jack to weaken what’s between us. If anything, it’s made it stronger.

“You might not want me here, and you might not want to admit you need my help,” and here his hand dipped from her back to slide over her hardened nipple. “But you sure as hell want me in your body, and baby, you don’t have to ask twice.”

“I didn’t ask at all! You jumped me when I walked in the door!”

“I waited for you! Again! Jesus, so fucking stupid, I waited for you, again. Once McBain cut us loose for the night, I headed back to Junonia to talk to you, just talk, Quinn, because I can’t stand that I haven’t known where you’ve been for a whole fucking year. And then, suddenly, you’re here the same goddamn weekend I am, and scared to death someone is coming to kill you and you still—won’t—fucking—talk to me!”

He lurched off her and was at the door before she caught up. The instinct to go after him was too strong to question, even after what he’d said and done. He couldn’t leave, not like this. Not after what she’d seen in his face.

Quinn wrapped her arms around his waist, knowing there was no way she could hold him back if he was set on going, only sure that there was something very, very important here that she would lose forever if he walked out that door.

She wouldn’t be able to bear that. Not again.

He jerked once in her hold, his hands coming to hers to set them aside.

“Jasper,” she whispered.

His head slumped forward, chin to chest, but at least he’d stopped moving.

“The bar was dark when I got there,” he continued as though he’d never stopped. “And you were gone a-fucking-gain. So I interrupted McBain gettin’ it on with his wife, and once he was done deciding whether or not to kill me for it, he explained who I was to his wife. She told me you’d shacked up here at Hibiscus Court.” His hands tightened on hers, silently communicating how he felt about her new digs. “I hotwired one of the resort’s cars and shot over here, and when your car wasn’t in the lot, I broke in to wait for you. Again.”

Quinn rested her forehead in the groove between his shoulder blades. “You did all that so you could fuck me?”

“Jesus, Quinn, no.” He spun around, so quick, always so swift and able, that now her forehead rested on his cut pec. His arms slid back around her waist, and she couldn’t stop the soul deep sigh that escaped her lips. They’d always fit together like this, as if the detailed grooves and hard planes of his body were made expressly to accommodate the soft curves and lush valleys of hers, and she’d been so empty without him all year.

“I did it all to find you.” He titled her head up and kissed her with a painful tenderness. “I’ve missed you, babe,” he admitted, mouth hovering over hers, so close she could taste the words. His lips coasted up and over the curve of her cheek to buss her temple. “More than you could ever know.”

Her heart shattered and its pieces crackled in her voice when she murmured, “Honey,” and gripped the sides of his neck to pull him back down to her. “I missed you too.”

 

Get your copy of Wild on the Rocks today!

Let’s Do Something Really STUPID! Do Vegas Weddings Ever Work Out?

28 Apr
Vegas Wedding

That Elvis impersonator? He owns the place. And let me tell you…he’s got stories to share.

by Madeline Iva

You went to Vegas and got married while you were there!

???? your friends say.

Here are the five top reasons people actually get married in Vegas:

1)We’re drunk!

‘Nuff said.

2) One person REALLY wants to get married and the other just doesn’t see that person as someone they want to commit their life to.  But at this point in the evening he/she is just drunk off his/her ass, so OKAY!

I feel fairly safe in assuming that most of these marriages do not last.  I would back up that assertion by sharing this QUICK VEGAS ANNULMENT WEBSITE. And hey, Kittens! You only have to pay 1/2 up front.:)

3) We have no money!

Which is interesting, if you think about it. Because what *is* Vegas but a place to gamble and spend money? So if you don’t have any money for a wedding, what the f**k are you doing in Vegas? Why not just elope?—and go visit some romantic city that’s raison d’etre is NOT emptying your pockets?

4) It’s Tacky, it’s Trashy, and I don’t caaaaaaaaaare!

His name is Billy Bob. This was before she got the matching blood vial necklaces for them to wear.

His name is Billy Bob. This was before she got the matching blood vial necklaces for them to wear.

For some people the ethos of Vegas is one that expresses their innermost F**k it, Bitch! zeitgeist.  For these unique and charismatic individuals, the question is not why get married in Vegas, the question is: why get married anywhere else? Where else can you get married by an Elvis impersonator?

5) Because: REASONS!

You’re in love, but no one said it’d be easy.  You’ve got some very good reasons not to get married at home with the people you’d expect to be there — here are just a few simple examples:

A) You hate your family

I’ve seen this in action.  The bride’s family was bazonkers crazy.  So she didn’t invite them to her wedding.  It was a beautiful wedding as a result, but man, that’s cold. Vegas is the kinder/gentler option if you can’t stick the dagger in your crazy-ass relative’s hearts.

B) Your family hates him

I’ve seen this. The toasts–man, the toasts were harsh when it came to the groom.  The bride has amnesia from that time.  Seriously, she doesn’t remember any of the toasts from her wedding.  But we do.  The alternative to wedding PTSD? Vegas.

No, Britney, we haven't forgotten you. Did you borrow that hat from Billy Bob?

No, Britney, we haven’t forgotten you. Did you borrow that hat from Billy Bob?

C) His family hates you 

I’ve seen this too.  Our friends got engaged, but they never got married. She hated her family, (see above) and his family hated her.  Enough time goes by and then they just start saying they’re married.  Our reaction: ??????? (see above).  A Vegas wedding probably would have been just as good an option.

D) Your families hate each other

200 people at this one wedding we went to, all there just to create a buffer between the mother and father of the bride who were most un-amicably divorced.  Vegas would have been cheaper.

Which, if you stop to think about it, adds all this deeper meaning to a wedding.  Not only are people there to celebrate your love, they’re willing to set aside bitter differences and the past–if only for a day–because why? Because they love you.

That said, some of us know better than to assume our families will ‘behave’ and therefore:

Jon Bon Jovi walks Branke Delic down the isle. Note: Same chapel Bon Jovi got married in himself. Further note: same Elvis impersonator chapel. I sh** you not!

Jon Bon Jovi walks Branke Delic down the aisle. Note: Same chapel Bon Jovi got married in himself. Further note: same Elvis impersonator chapel. I sh** you not.

VEGAS, BABY!!!

But Vegas weddings have started to fall off. (Oh no!!!) The financial crisis of 2008 didn’t help, but Vegas Wedding Experts site people marrying when older (and therefore less impulsive and drunk?) as one reason.  Another reason is that people are simply marrying less, the wimps.

Not to fear–the Vegas people are on it.  To boost business they have a plan. Two words: Gay weddings!

Because if you’re gay and you come from a family (as most gay people do) then you’re possibly struggling with one or more of reasons Number Five.  If so, here are several gay wedding chapels in Vegas. But does this mean that in the future Vegas Weddings will become…tasteful?

ONE MORE REASON TO GET MARRIED IN VEGAS:

WildOnTheRocks-KindleWorldsSize-PROMO

Buy it, bitches!

6) You’re on the RUN:

If you want to glory in the vicarious fallout of a Vegas Wedding implosion, then Kiersten Hallie Krum’s book WILD ON THE ROCKS is for you.  Lovers reunited post-Vegas and on the run – (isn’t it yummy?) as they face danger and adventure in Barefoot Bay.

And if you actually decide to get married in Vegas, here are some helpful TIPS.  For instance, do you only speak a foreign language? No problem! Vegas will find the right wedding setting for you, and, presumably, translators.

Do you like step-by-step instructions? Here’s a great website guiding you through how to elope in Vegas. The final step: Break the news to all your friends and family. Yeah, we can just see the co-mingled expressions of shock and fake joy on their faces now.

So follow us to Lady Smut, cause we’re going to the chapel–chapel of lurv, that is.

And since we’re all friends here — know anyone who did the Vegas wedding thing? Even a friend of a friend? Tell us, are they together now? I’m dying to hear from you.

Madeline Ivaimgres writes fantasy, paranormal, and contemporary romance.  Her novella ‘Sexsomnia’ is available in our LadySmut anthology HERE, and her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, will be out Fall, 2016.

Reunited – Does It Feel So Good?

27 Apr

By Elizabeth Shore

Doubtless as you’ve traveled on this path of life, you’ve discovered some things that are inherently a VERY BAD IDEA. Like telling grandma about a kink party you attended over the weekend. Getting bombed out of your mind the night before a big job interview. Joining a denomic cult. You get the jist. Some people would add “reuniting with your ex” to that hallowed list. You broke up for a good reason, after all, and there’s a strong probability that those reasons didn’t suddenly get up and go away. Or that your ex transformed himself and become a different person. At least not entirely, anyway. “I yam what I yam,” as Popeye would say. And he is who he is, and some things about who he is are what caused you to call it quits in the first place. So reuniting with your ex might well be a straight roadmap to Heartbreak Hotel.

Again.

But not so fast! some would argue. There’s a second opinion firmly ensconced in the “reuniting is a great idea” camp, and as long as you follow the sage advice of counselors and others it can be the best thing since Peaches and Herb first started telling us how it feels so good.

We’re celebrating this week the release of our own Kiersten Hallie Krum’s debut novel, Wild on the Rocks. One of the themes in her sexy romantic suspense deals with former flames reuniting. The odds of it being successful are stacked against it, but on occasion it can work – if you go about it the right way.

Speaking of…what is that “right way,” exactly? What words of wisdom from those in the know can help make a successful reunion the second time around? Well, being the intrepid LadySmut blogger that I am, and wanting to provide intel for our savvy readers, I came across a few gems of advice that I’m sharing here. It’s up to you all to decide whether it’s a bunch of hooey or if you think it’s worth a try.

Author and relationship expert Lisa Steadman points out that first and foremost, it’s important to identify whether you’re getting back together for the right reasons. If you’re simply scared or tired of being lonely, or haven’t found any promising new relationship prospects, those are all BAD reasons for getting back togeher with your ex. They’re easy reasons to be sure, but not smart ones, because none of those reasons address why you broke up in the first place.

Her second piece of advice is that you must be willing to leave the past behind. Did you break up because he cheated on you?  If so, but you’re still willing to give the relationship another try, you’ve got to leave the dirt behind. It’s never going to work if you keep flinging mud pies at him about the past whenever you two have an argument. The past has to stay firmly ensconced in the past, and forgiveness is an essential ingredient on the road to reuniting.

Similar experts had similar advice. The interesting thing is how many more articles I came across about why you shouldn’t reunite versus those who encourage you to give it go. It’s pointed out that while the two of you have been separted, one or both may have dipped your wick in another flame. Are you going to talk about it? Be prepared for the answers if you’re going to ask the questions. And if you do hear that he’s slept with someone else while you’be been apart, are you going to be okay with it or is jealousy going to eat at you like chugging down a bottle of Drano?

These are all salient points to ponder, but why make it tough on yourself? Feed your mind a sexy, suspenseful story about aWildOnTheRocks-KindleWorldsSize-PROMO reuniting couple in Kirsten’s Wild on the Rocks. It may not offer you the advice you need for your own situation, but it’s a heck of a wild ride while you’re figuring it all out.

 

 

 

 

If Life Isn’t a Beach, It Probably Should Be

26 Apr
Just another day at the beach, right?

May all your seaside adventures work out just like this one.

By Alexa Day

I’m enjoying a transitional period between the last job and the next job. Actually, it’s more accurate to say that I’m enjoying it now. I was not having such a good time with it last week.

Anyway, now that I’ve lightened up a little, I’ve realized that this brief (I hope) interval might be the ideal time for a trip to the beach. Sure, I could go whenever I wanted, strictly speaking, even when I was not in the transitional period. But now, I can go on a weekday morning, during the school year. That’s pretty close to perfect.

I’ve read that most people are drawn to the beach because our bodies are mostly water. The soothing sound of the waves does have a special pull. There’s a stillness on an empty beach, a sense that the world has distilled itself to this place where the water meets the earth. Because of all that, the beach is a great place to work. Indeed, Yorktown Beach, Buckroe Beach, and even Virginia Beach probably prevented me from sliding into insanity during law school. I found myself rescued by the knowledge that I could slip away after (cough, instead of, cough) class to sit on a blanket with a stack of notes or books.

If the serenity of solitude isn’t the right solution, though, the beach is still seductive.

I’ve been camping on the beach with a lover, far from the strip and the boardwalk and all those lights and sounds. Beneath the dazzling cover of the stars, we’d just sit there and watch and listen. We were together where the sky met the sea and the sea met the sand, looking out toward the horizon. It’s hard to be in a place like that without feeling tiny. Just two people on a huge planet. Just two people who happened to find each other and share a blanket. Perhaps across an ocean from two other people staring toward us and thinking the same thing.

The beach is a little different for a single girl, in my experience, but no less awe-inspiring.

I don’t generally cotton to the big beachside resort. I have family in Jamaica, and my experience of the island beach makes me want something a little more organic, I guess. But being a local on a busy island beach presents a beautiful blend of society and solitude. Parked on a chair or a blanket with the beloved beach read, I have enjoyed many a sunny afternoon watching good-looking men pass by, on their way to a bar or a boat trip or whatever. Sunbathing is kind of a spectator sport, right? A quick peek over one’s book to check out the traffic, and then back down to the story at hand. Personally, I like to be near the lifeguard. They’re not supposed to be paying attention to that innocuous person on the blanket below them, which frees me to leer at them to my heart’s content.

And let’s remember the beachside bar. Tough to pick a favorite, right? Such friendly places, filled with people who’ve spent the whole day relaxing near the water. It’s a great place to meet that guy who strolled by the blanket a while ago. I have to admit that I’ve never found the lifeguard bar, but I know there must be one. Maybe someday, when I’m not really trying, I’ll stumble across it just in time for happy hour, and I’ll finally get to see what those tanned, age-inappropriate fellows talk about when they’re not way up on the chair.

A girl’s got to have goals, after all.

Whether you actually make it to the beach this year or not, you will want to secure a copy of my colleague Kiersten Hallie Krum’s novel, WILD ON THE ROCKS, posthaste. It’s got most of what we want from the beach — expertly made cocktails,  a super-hot Navy SEAL, and loads of excitement. And you will not have to deal with the giant annoyance of tracked-in sand. Now you tell me what’s not to love about something like that.

Go get yours and then try to get by some water!

And follow Lady Smut.

Navy SEALs: Why They Turn My Crank

25 Apr 121012-N-FH305-0555_CRP-16-9 (1)

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

SEAL famous photo

One of the most famous photos of an anonymous SEAL.

It’s no secret that Navy SEALs are their own subgenre of Romancelandia. Among the cops and firefighters and hockey and military heroes, SEALs stand out as a special kind of alpha hero known to really turn a readers crank. An Amazon search for “navy SEAL hero” brings up a cavalcade of options, series and stand alone romance novels. (And that’s without delving into the DVD queue, which you don’t want to do unless you’re prepared to spend money. I took a look for this post and bought 3 documentaries before I could blink.)

So what is it about these modern-day warriors that makes them such compelling heroes?

They’re buff. They’re strong. They hunt down evil terrorists. That seems to sum it up pretty good, right?

navy-seals

But it goes deeper than that. It takes a certain mindset to be that excellent at that difficult a job. A mindset that compels a man to subject himself to the brutal, torturous training it takes to become a member of these special forces. (So far, no women have been allowed to enter the training to become a SEAL. It is one of the armed forces last hold outs against women participants.) Recently on Facebook, a reader told me her fourteen-year-old son was so committed to becoming a Navy SEAL, he’d already completed Navy cadet training along with other accomplishments meant to prepare him for the elite training ahead of him. I was instantly struck with admiration for this young man for being so committed and such a young age to reaching a goal that would demand a great amount of emotional and physical strength.

firefighters-celebrating-the-news-osama-600x2751

The fact is, on a whole, SEALs are the epitome of an alpha hero. Physically strong, mentally tough, loyal, protective, dedicated and ripe with sexual prowess. (Oh come, that last one has to be a given, right?) SEALs hit the top of the zeitgeist when SEAL Team 6 took down Osama bin Laden. Suddenly, these clandestine warriors were front page in electronic ticker tape neon.

If I had the good fortune of living in proximity of the Coronado Naval Base where SEALs train, I would so be a SEAL groupie. I know this about myself, I embrace this about myself, even while my mental lip curls with disdain at the very idea. But it true, men who are SEALs seriously turn my crank. I’m a tad worried about my upcoming tour of Coronado during the RWA national conference in July. Restraints may be needed. (Kidding. Sorta.)

And yet, even more than significantly attractions to the archetype, I feel seriously intimidated. While I’ve never knowingly met a SEAL (it’s not like they advertise their status), I’m sure if I did, I’d say something ridiculously stupid because, hello? Intimidated. Because–Hoo. Shah.

SEALs in BUDS

Men in the middle of BUD/S, the first part of SEAL training. Also known as Hell Week.

Look, at their core, these men are just that–men. Some of them are good, some of them are assholes. Some of them are faithful, some of them dick around on their spouses. Some are incredible fathers; some never pay child support. They’re not archetypes–however we might use them as such in Romancelandia–they’re human beings who, through some remarkable manner of conviction, discipline, and perseverance, have become the premier warriors on the planet. They deal with some of the worst, most dangerous situations known to man. “We do today what others won’t, so tomorrow we’ll do what others can’t,” they reportedly say. And that’s damn heroic.

navy SEAL in theatre

Romantic heroes who are SEALs have turned my crank ever since I first started reading Suzanne Brockmann’s Navy SEAL Team 16 novels, back when that series was new and un-put-down-able. When I was asked to write a book set in New York Times bestselling author Roxanne St. Claire’s Barefoot Bay Kindle World, I knew two things right away: I wanted to write a reunion romance (one of my two favorite tropes in Romancelandia) and I wanted to write a SEAL hero.

WildOnTheRocks-KindleWorldsSize-PROMO

Click on image to buy!

In WILD ON THE ROCKS, I wanted Lieutenant Jasper McQueen to be that epitome of an alpha hero–strong, reliable, intelligent, admired by his peers and superiors, responsible to a fault–and have his core sense of self torn apart when the love of his life leaves him–only to, a year later, after personal and professional tragedy strikes, find her again in the last place he expected to find her: Barefoot Bay.

To discover what happens next, download a copy of WILD ON THE ROCKS!

Look! A blurb!

Wild on the Road

Driven by wanderlust and insatiable curiosity, Quinn Forrester views every new gig for her mixologist business as another chance for adventure. Until the night she wanders down the wrong hallway and witnesses a mob murder. After a week on the run, lack of funds and few options land Quinn in Barefoot Bay where she takes a job tending bar at the swanky Casa Blanca resort…and hopes no wise guys show up to make her sleep with the fishes. But nothing whacks a low profile like having your Navy SEAL ex-husband walk through the door—especially when he’s the love of your life you left behind.

Wild on the Beach

Discovering his restless ex-wife at Casa Blanca—and still going by his name—is enough to drive Lieutenant Commander Jasper McQueen wild. When she ran out on their marriage, Quinn left him a broken man. Now with his career in jeopardy and his sexy ex-wife at hand, Jasper is ready to chuck responsibility and submerse himself in a hedonistic affair—all sex, zero emotions—with the woman he won’t forgive and can never forget. And this time, when they’re done, it’ll be Jasper who does the leaving.

Wild on the Rocks

But a mob enforcer has tracked Quinn to Barefoot Bay. With her days numbered, Jasper may be her only shot at living through the night—if Quinn can get him to believe in her one last time.

Do you like military heroes? Do you find yourself drawn to one particular branch or another? What kind of hero turns *your* crank? Hit up the comments with your choice and I’ll choose one winner to receive a copy of WILD ON THE ROCKS (Kindle only).

Follow Lady Smut. We find all kinds of ways to turn your crank.

Writer, singer editor, traveler, tequila drinker, and cat herder, Kiersten Hallie Krum avoids pen names since keeping her multiple personalities straight is hard enough work. She writes smart, sharp, and sexy romantic suspense. Visit her website at www.kierstenkrum.com and find her regularly over sharing on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr via @kierstenkrum.

Sexy Saturday Round Up

23 Apr

SSRUFrom Madeline:

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing we call life.” –R.I.P Prince, 11 songs you didn’t know Prince wrote.

One woman’s quest to turn her collection of unsolicited dic pics into art.

Young swingers discuss their intro into kinky orgies.

Side saddle is back.  You heard me.

Mice squeak, er, speak a sophisticated language of love.

Best kiss cam evah? This woman double fisting her pizza.

For Alexa: So you need to trim the budget on your ridiculously successful TV show? Just kill off the leading female stars.

And for Sue London: Game of Thrones characters take the Myers Briggs Test.

From G.G. Andrew:

Empathy is hot: we’re more attracted to people whose emotions we can read.

The 10 Most Deadly Phrases in a Relationship. Do you agree/disagree with these?

Charlotte Bronte was born 200 years ago this week. Here are 5 books to read if you love Jane Eyre.

 

 

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