Concerning BJs


Photo by Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos

As an erotic romance writer, I’ve thought a lot about oral sex. Personally, I’m not squeamish about it at all. Neither are my characters in my current projects. But I do know people who are very squeamish and will not do it or let it be done to them. Now, as a ER author, I wonder if they are actually MY readers. But, just in case they are, and because I like to keep my readers in mind if not when I’m writing, then I definitely do when I’m editing, I have to keep the squeamish and the ambivalent in mind.

We Lady Smut writers sometimes email one another about these very matters. The subject line might read:  Should the first sex scene be a blow job or should I ease into that? (God forbid if anybody should get a hold of our emails.)

In my current work-in-progress, CRAVINGS, my main female lead, Sasha, likes oral sex and really likes this guy she’s met. So the tension is building in the story and I find that she is on her knees in front of him and gives him a mind-blowing experience, so to speak.

Over the next few days, I reconsidered. Would this REALLY be their first sexual experience together? Or would my main male character step back, being the hawt gentlemen that he is and say, “Wait. You first.”

Hmmm. I think that is more in keeping with Sanj’s personality. So I changed the scene. Oh yes. I did.

And I have to say I think that since many readers of erotic romance are women, maybe they’d prefer this romantic gesture as well. After all the romance is an important element—even in erotic romance, right? It’s one of the things that separate us from pure erotica, right?

In reading BEYOND SHAME, I thought the first sex scene was hot and very well-written. But I have to admit that I was shocked that Lex ( a female character in the book) felt that this was where she got her “secret power” from—though I think that my Sasha would agree to a certain extent. She acknowledges the power she feels when she’s has a man in her mouth.

Here in Sasha’s own “words” is how she feels:

“… And she enjoyed knowing the way a man felt on her tongue, her teeth, and even on the back of her throat. When she took a man in her mouth, she held his very essence. The sense of power thrilled her.”

But the power she’s feeling is much different than what Lex in BEYOND SHAME is wielding. Sasha’s is more a power-of-the-moment, oh look what kind of pleasure I can give you, yum-yum, kind of thing.

So what do you think, reader?  Should oral sex be the first sex in a book? Does it matter to you when you’re reading it?

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8 Comments

  • atalkbehinddoors
    October 2, 2012 at 11:32 am

    In most of my sexual encounters, oral sex was usually the first sex in the relationship beyond some heavy petting. More often than not, I was on the receiving end that first time.

    • madelineiva
      October 2, 2012 at 2:13 pm

      And are you (if you don’t mind my asking) male or female? Or just the best-looking one in the relationship? ;>

  • elizabethshore
    October 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I have friends who are perfectly OK giving a BJ in the early stages of the relationship, much more so than going in for coitus. They tell me that intercourse is much more “personal” and that once they reach that stage the relationship has progressed beyond just “getting to know each other” dating. So I think having it in early in ER scenes is A-OK by me. But you’ve definitely got me thinking, Liz. Great post!

    • LizEverly
      October 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm

      Thanks. Interesting in terms of what we think is more personal, as well, isn’t it? I think oral sex is way more personal than intercourse. But I understand that there are people who don’t even consider oral sex to be sex. WHAT? LOL!

      • madelineiva
        October 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

        Former Prez Bill clearly didn’t think oral was sex with “that woman”.

    • madelineiva
      October 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm

      I wonder if there’s a generational divide — and a “city” vs. “suburban” divide? The post-AIDS generation may consider oral much less of a risk for getting STD’s and therefore may think of oral as less meaningful. But who buys the most romance novels — women in their 50’s? I think so. Meanwhile, these days single city folks are expected to hook up so quickly…there’s a lot of pressure to try sex quick, quick, quick. I wonder if THIS has anything to do the HUGE popularity of sweet, small town romances right now. Meanwhile, Elizabeth — do you think that there’s a performative sense to the oral that happens right off the bat? Are people auditioning?

  • LizEverly
    October 2, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    LOL. So true, Madeline. But we all know what lame excuse that was!

  • LizEverly
    June 25, 2013 at 9:32 am

    Reblogged this on Liz Everly and commented:

    Concerning BJs

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