Unexpectedly Sexy…Elves


He has an unattractive name, long girly hair, and he hangs out with men who cry a lot.  Who would think that a minor character from a Y.A. novel could be so hot?  But he is— meltingly, drool worthy, crush-worthy hot.  Yes, we’re talking about the unexpectedly sexy today–and how unexpectedly melting an elf can be.

Legolas portrayed by Orlando Bloom in The Fellowship Of the Rings did what Tolkien had been trying to do in his writing for decades–convince people that elves don’t have to be tiny green men, they can be lithe, angelic vessels of perfection.

My obsession began many years ago when I was dragged over the holidays by a relative to watch The Fellowship of the Ring on the first weekend it opened.  I vaguely remembered a tiny bit about the book from reading it long, long ago.  I was watching it happily, when suddenly he appeared.  Wait–who is that? Who was he in the book again?  Watching then became an act of waiting for him to appear in each scene, sucking in each moment that was his, and when I got home for the first time in my life, I think, I did an internet search for images of him.  The geeky relative wanted to see the movie again.  And again.  I was happy to go.

Orlando Bloom, unfortunately, never quite lived up to the magic he created in the role of Legolas in that first film.  I watched, I waited, I saw him slide down from that magnificent potential into a less-than-central role in a massive Disney franchise.

And hey–did anyone notice the weird stuff they had going on in the third film between him and Aragorn? Why yes, a whole nation did.

In the trilogy Tolkien wrote, Legolas and Gimly the dwarf have chemistry together.  At the end they go off together to adventure some more.  In the movie, even though Aaragorn has a love interest, she’s off stage a lot, and lets face it, she was so good in that role, but they didn’t have the best chemistry ever.

Face it Arwen, he’s just not that into you.

Instead, Legolas and Aaragorn had chemistry.  Perhaps this was a mistaken move on the part of a studio suit who thought “hey, if we get the hotties of the film together into the same frame a lot, women would combust.”  Instead, Legolas who was so pretty and Aaragorn who was so bearded and manly fit into another kind of trope entirely and the whole thing spun out of control.

Here’s the scuttlebutt on that: the Rings project was so huge, there was no way that Peter Jackson could keep track of it all.  He had to delegate, and then delegate some more.  Since he wasn’t even on site for much of the shooting, crews had a lot of lee-way.  So a few men with a sense of humor used that wiggle room to set up moments and shots between Legolas and Aaragorn that they would later re-edit the film making it into a romance between Legolas and Aragorn.  It’s out there on the internet somewhere still, I think.

Yet it didn’t need a nation finding a bootleg edit of the film on the internet to catch on.   It’s all right up there on the screen.  There’s a moment in the third movie where Legolas thinks Aragorn is lost as he finds a necklace Aragorn’s love gave to Aaragorn and that Aaragorn always wears.  He keeps it, but later when Aaragorn turns up, Legolas has a moment with his compadre where he returns the necklace to Aaragorn.  This moment is observed by a woman who’s fallen for Aaragorn (she’s not his love interest).  She watches the return of the necklace.  Perhaps she’s supposed to understand by looking at the necklace that Aaragorn is carrying a sort of elf-engagement ring from some other girl.  But it looks and feels and smells to all of us in the audience like m/m romance going on right under our hetero-centric noses and this woman is figuring it out, and is crushed as a result.  And thus a thousand fan fiction sights are launched.  In these fan fiction sights Aagorn and Legolas overcome that girlfriend barrier, and other barriers to their secret love, and they’re gettin’ it on big time.

Don’t hate me, Aaragorn fans, but he never did much for me.  I guess I just don’t like beards.  Anyway, what Legolas did inspire was a story I’ve written about a Wicked Apprentice who mistakenly captures a half-man, half-elf.  This guy is a hottie, chained in a cell.  He’s her captive and the thought of him being under her control gets her feeling something quite strong.  She gets him all hot and bothered and when she does his eyes change from human green to elf black.  Which just makes her all the more curious to see what happens with their clothes off.  However,  her power to arouse him flips him into elf mode, and in elf mode, he has the power to seduce her until she can’t think straight. Under those mesmerizing black eyes, she finds herself doing things she never thought she would want to do…

The elf in Wicked Apprentice, Theodorus, has auburn hair, not long silver hair, but he started out with some of that same otherworldly purity of nature, only it’s been corrupted by the harsh world around him. The heroine, Zephyr is able to help him regain it, but Theodorus also has something in him that Tolkien put in a lot of his elves and that we don’t see with Legolas.  He has a fey side–a wild passion that often leads to perversity.  It comes out when his elf nature takes hold–as it frequently does when he’s around Zephyr.  It’s this willingness to plunge over the edge into the unknown out of sheer abandon that traps them both in a circle of magic from which they cannot escape.

I love my character and I love his story…it’s out with agents and editors and such.  Hope you’ll get to read it one day soon!

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7 Comments

  • LizEverly
    November 26, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Your elf is VERY sexy. And yes it surprised me. I’m sure Wicked Apprentice will find a home soon. Another series that has some sexy elves is India Drummond’s series. It’s not erotic romance, but it’s still quite sexy.

  • madelineiva
    November 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Yeah, I keep meaning to read India’s book, I’ve got it in my TBR pile. Meanwhile, someone somewhere at some point when I just started writing had some erotica series with some wood and elves in it, and they basically made you their sex slave if you went into the woods. It had all kinds of product warnings on it, and I never read it but it’s killing me now that I can’t remember who wrote it or what the series was called. Argh!

  • Sofie Couch
    November 27, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Hmmm, guess I’m gonna have to bite the bullet and watch The Rings. You’ve inspired me more than anyone else has. 🙂 Can’t wait to read your Elf version of things.

  • madelineiva
    November 27, 2012 at 1:33 am

    OMG how is it you’re on planet earth and haven’t seen these movies! Maybe you want to wait until you have a cold and need to spend a few days in bed, zoning out? I bet if you get the DVD that not only do you watch all three films, you watch the 5 hour “making of” too –I bet you! And thanks so much for the encouraging words! ;>

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