Posted in News
November 30, 2012

Talkin’ Sex on the Telephone

Woman on telephoneThe company where I work is setting up a new call center and we’re conducting testing to see if the reps who pick up calls actually know what they’re talking about. I’m quizzing them on various scenarios to make sure they’re giving out correct information, so I’m spending a lot of time developing a relationship with people I don’t know and can’t see. All of this recent phone talk naturally got me thinking about phone sex (hey, what do you expect? I’m a blogger for Lady Smut).

A friend of mine was once involved in a long-distance relationship and she and her guy used to have phone sex on a regular basis, even up to the point where he fell asleep on the phone afterward. That seems like a snooze (if you’re pardon the pun) of a way to end the experience, but hey, if it works for them that’s what counts. The whole notion of traditional phone sex is an interesting one. I can’t think of another situation in which you have a very intimate, personal experience with someone you can’t see. Even when you visit a convict in prison you get to look at each other through a glass wall (or so it is on TV, anyway. Luckily I haven’t experienced it first hand). But here’s the thing: when I’m reading a sex scene in a romance novel, an important element of the scene is the couple’s visual communication. Looks between the hero and heroine can portray so much – longing, arousal, excitement, love – and that unspoken communication is lost during phone sex. So those scenes in a romance novel leave me a little empty and dissatisfied, even when they’re masterfully described by the author.

Nowadays, of course, there’s a twist. You’ll recall above that I wrote about “traditional” phone sex. I was referring to those ancient times before Skype and Facetime became the norm. Now that it’s so easy to see the other person with whom you’re talking on the phone, it takes the whole phone sex thing to another level entirely. “What are you wearing?” becomes a pointless question when the heroine can simply point the camera to her scantily-clothed body and show her man the naughty garter belts she put on just for him. There are some pretty delicious possibilities here, but I have to confess that I haven’t come across a good romance, erotic or otherwise, that contain a phone sex scene in which the couple uses today’s technology. If you’ve have and want to let me know about it, I’m all ears!

In the meantime, I guess I’ll get back to my calls.

Have a great weekend!


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  • LizEverly

    I love the picture, Elizabeth! Interesting about the way technology allows us to have “sex” through the phone and/or computer in long distance relationships. But I find the pining through love letters much more romantic and maybe ever sexier. Yesterday, I was writing a scene where my main male character is looking at sexy photos of his love interest online. She used to be a “model” and paid Dominatrix.So those photos are pretty “inspiring.” Great post.

    Reply to LizEverly
  • madelineiva

    There’s a book called Vox by Nicholson Baker that’s about two people establishing a relationship through a phone chat line where people get on to have sex. I loved it the first time I read it out loud to my partner, but would it be dated today? Perhaps. I think what I loved is that although they were there to get off, they veer into having super-honest discussions with each other–right down to the very unsexy clothes she’s wearing. Later on she pretends she’s wearing something else over the phone and it’s funny and hot. That’s the great thing about the unseen–you can have your cake and eat it too.

    I think what makes the phone sexy–or anything sexy–is it’s a place where people can bare their souls to each other. Raw honesty is a kind of intimacy, and hitting that vulnerable spot can make so many amazing things happen in an instant between two people. The phone is still a ‘confessional’ of sorts where no one’s looking at you while you reveal yourself. Also you can use that special intimate tone of voice. I’ve never tried whispering into Skype or google chat. But no doubt these technologies will improve too. I’m sure back in the day people would roll their eyes at the thought of being intimate through the phone.

    Reply to madelineiva
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