Yesterday saw the release of the 50th anniversary Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. After all these years, there are still masses of hot blooded guys gettin’ hot and bothered by swimsuit-clad girls. The sex appeal of a bikini goes on. And I must say, the girls look amazing. I love them for their confidence to put on a swimsuit and let it all hang out there. With the suits getting teeny tinier by the year, there’s a lot to hang out. I mean, really, we’re down to pretty much a string nowadays. Those girls have got to be rockin’ a hot body to wear those strings. And the thing with swimsuits is that they’re worn during the day. In the sunshine. There is nothing to hide behind. If you want to strut your stuff wearing sexy swimwear, you’ve got to have a good dose of bravado to go with that suit. With other sexy apparel, like lingerie, at least it’s generally worn while under the cover of a dimly lit room.
Speaking of lingerie . . . it’s another item of sexy clothing that’s supposed to get our mate going, right? Just like swimsuits. But I gotta be honest . . . sometimes when I look at some of the lingerie out there, it strikes me as more silly than sexy. Take this little number, hot off the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. I get that the panty is flirty and fun and meant to be worn while romping around the room. Your guy could literally be “chasing tail.” But geez, a puff? I just don’t think I’d be feeling sultry and sexy when dressed like a bunny. Of course, maybe it’s just me. Playboy bunnies have certainly got the sexy thang down pat and haven’t done too badly with a puffy little tail on their behinds.
One piece of sexy clothing I do like is nylons. I like how they make legs look long and lean and (depending on what color you’re wearing) like you have a great tan. I like how they mask legs whose owners might not have had time to shave that morning. Retro nylons with seams in the back are definitely sexy. The viewer’s eye can follow the seam to whichever destination he fancies, whether it’s down to the foot or up to the (ahem) area between the legs. Nylons are also cool because they kind of tuck in all the jiggly bits and keep everything from shaking like a bowl of gelatin. If you get the kind of nylons that have “tummy support,” you have the added bonus of looking like you regularly peel off a few stomach crunches every chance you get.
I’m also a fan of shoes (yeah, I know. Earthshattering. Like who isn’t a fan of shoes??). But I’m talking about impractical, they hurt my feet kinda shoes. I like ’em. I like how I look in them. I like how they make me seem taller and slimmer than I really am. Recently I bought a pair of boots. The heels are really high. Waaaay too high. But oh, how I LOVE how they look. When I tried them on I thought, “Hmm, these heels are wicked high. When, exactly, would I be wearing these things?” But then the salesman who’d brought them to me for trying on said, while I stood there pondering my boot fate, “Those look good. Sexy, ya know?” SOLD.
There’s other sexy apparel that I could go either way on whether or not it truly achieves its purpose, meaning either making the wearer feel sexy or making the wearer’s lover start to drool when he sees it on her. Like corsets, for example. Yeah, there’s the “pushing the boobs up” factor, and the waist slimming factor. But are corsets sexy? What about garter belts? As I mentioned, I like nylons, but as for garters . . . the jury’s out.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter whether you don traditionally sexy garb or an outfit all your own. If it has the intended effect on the desired target(s), it’s sexy.