Them’s Fightin’ Words: Hot, Sweaty, Make-Up Sex


By Elizabeth Shore

Couple Fighting

Fights between loved ones really suck. The hurt, the anger, the hurled, biting words that end up being the last thing you should’ve ever said. But among lovers, there is one positive outcome from a down and dirty screaming match, and you know what I’m talking about. The down and dirty make-up sex.Couple in bed

A recent article in Psychology Today states that the basic reason make-up sex can be one of the most intense, enjoyable sex that couples ever have has to do with what author Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., considered one of the world’s leading experts in the study of emotions, calls “arousal transfer.” He states in his article: “The high arousal state associated with the fight is transferred to a high arousal state during the make-up sex. The fantastic sex that ensues is to some extent due to the change in mood and the (at least temporary) relief at reconciliation with the partner, but it is also the result of arousal transfer from the fight to the sex. Make-up sex takes place after an unpleasant, heated fight with the partner that has created a gulf between the two and threatened the very existence of the relationship; make-up sex then re-establishes their bond in a very tangible manner.”

I’ve heard some women say they’ll pick a fight just to get the make-up sex afterwards. Certainly, as an author, it can be fun to write those intensely passionate scenes, which are much different than writing scenes of, say, newly discovered love. Those scenes can be fun to write as well but the sex is, you know, beautiful. Make-up sex is hot, and sweaty, and can be downright feral in intensity.

In the midst of a fight, we get some of the same physical reactions as we do when we’re turned on. Cheeks flush. Eyes get bright. Emotions are through the roof. Those nasty looks couples give each other when they’re fighting suddenly start looking nasty in a goooood sorta way. And how about that feistiness when we lash out at each other. Hmmm . . . bring that feisty temper to the bedroom, I say, and have at it with each other’s clothes. Yeah, that’s right. Rip ’em right off.

An article by David Strovny at askmen.com advises guys who are in a fight with their gals and get smacked to handle it like this: If she does (smack him), then take it like a man. After she’s done or if she doesn’t smack you around at all, hold her face firmly with your hands and kiss her deep and hard. Don’t let her anger dissolve completely — that’s probably the best part of the sex altogether. There’s nothing like a horny, angry woman…

There are, naturally, consequences of make-up sex that one needs to be conscientious of. If there are serious problems in the relationship, make-up sex only serves as a drug to mask the issues. The unresolved situation is still there and will need to be addressed. But in the usual garden-variety fights that most couples have in the coarse of a relationship, there’s nothing like putting an end to them by flinging those heated emotions at each other in the bedroom and having a hot and sweaty brawl. While naked.

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10 Comments

  • madelineiva
    May 22, 2013 at 8:55 am

    Preach it, sistah!

    I like the “fighting and then sex” kind of thing in romance novels sooooo much that for years (this was a long time ago) I actually would have squirm through the nice-nice kind of sex. “Oh baby,” etc –“Mmn, that feels nice,” the things guys would say when they were being all appreciative just made me so uncomfortable.

    Why…aren’t they…fighting???? I would fret. Complete agreement leaves me at a total loss. I’m more for the kind of scene where it’s like there’s hating and there’s tension and he’s hot and she’s flustered and uncomfortable and flushed and they both just shut up so they can do it.

    Sex as a form of peace making is the BEST SEX EVER! — At least when you’re reading a great hot romance novel. ;>

    • madelineiva
      May 22, 2013 at 8:56 am

      Maybe that’s not even make-up sex. Maybe that’s take-a-break sex — still!–I’m for it.

      • Elizabeth Shore
        May 22, 2013 at 3:41 pm

        Sometimes I think make-up sex actually is take-a-break sex. After all, things aren’t always completely resolved after a fight, but the sex is still hot hot hot!

  • LizEverly
    May 22, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    In my current WIP, I write my first make-up sex scene. Great fun. Wonderful post, Elizabeth!

    • Elizabeth Shore
      May 22, 2013 at 3:39 pm

      They can be incredibly steamy scenes, so we already know we have something to look forward to in your next book, Liz! I love the “arousal transfer” thing that the Psychology Today author wrote about. You can totally see those churned up emotions that evolved from a fight get used to best advantage in the bedroom. 🙂

  • elfahearn
    May 22, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    I wonder how our men would react if we took their flushed faces between our hands and gave them a hot deep one after a screaming match… Makes a gal think.

    • Elizabeth Shore
      May 22, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      It does, indeed! 🙂

    • Lance
      May 25, 2013 at 7:46 am

      As a guy who has experienced that…and can only speak for myself…yeah, that works the other way too. Went from zero to ready in 2.6 seconds! 🙂

      • Elizabeth Shore
        May 25, 2013 at 9:07 am

        Ha ha! A definite benefit indeed. Thanks for stopping by, Lance!

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