Comparing Our Sexual Bucket Lists


Smile face garden pail

I kissed a girl and I liked itHarley bucket

The taste of her cherry chap stick

I kissed a girl just to try it

I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

We hear a lot of talk about buckets lists, those “must have” experiences that people want to achieve at some point while they’re still above ground and kicking. Bucket lists often include travel to far-flung destinations, learning a foreign language, reading one of the classics, like War and Peace or The Great Gatsby, running a marathon, climbing a mountain, that kind of thing. But I started thinking, what about sexual bucket lists? What experiences do we want to have with our partner  – or partners! – before we bid adieu to this life and move on to whatever awaits us next.

I started looking around to see what others were saying about their sexual bucket lists, and what I found was interesting, particularly when I began seeing what the girls want compared with those of the guys. I looked at several different lists and there were a few things that stood out. As you can guess, what men want versus what women want varies, in some cases considerably. Ya think? But it was also interesting to note that there were several items appearing on both lists, albeit in very different order of priority.

I started this post with a few lines of lyrics from the Katy Perry song “I Kissed A Girl” because that, on some lists, was the number one bucket list item for women. (the assumption being, of course, that it’s a bucket list for straight women). Yeah, that’s right, sucking face with a chick. Seems rather harmless and easy enough to achieve. For the men, however, kissing another dude was nowhere to be found. Nope. Nada. Not on the top 10, top  50, or even top 100. I wasn’t at all surprised by that, but I do find it interesting. Why do women suffer no compunction with the idea of playing kissy face with another girl, while guys have issues even sitting right next to each other in a movie theater. They often leave that empty “I’m not gay” seat in between, just to be certain the entire world knows that, as far as they’re concerned, the rear door is “exit only.” Why straight women would like to kiss another woman but straight guys won’t go near a dude is interesting. (Note to self: I may need to explore this issue in a future post).

One of the guy lists I looked at had “getting a lap dance” as the top sexual bucket item, followed by becoming a member of the mile high club and having sex with either a stripper, hooker, or call girl. A “professional,” as it were. For the girls, group sex, phone, sex, and anal – yes, anal – sex was included on their lists. Guys also want to have a one-night stand, have sex while being filmed, and have sex outside. A frequent theme I saw on the guys’ lists was getting a blow job while doing something else, like playing a video game. Seriously. One guy wrote that he wanted it while he was eating a sandwich. (!)

Items appearing on both women’s and men’s lists: mile high club, threesomes, anal sex, and being tied up (or tying up). Also, both sexes listed outdoor sex and having sex with a foreigner as must-have experiences, particularly if the person doesn’t speak much of your language. Ooooh la la!

For the real adventurers among us the wish lists included having sex with a woman who’s using a strap-on, orgies, double penetration, and having sex while in an altered state with one’s drug of choice. (Ambien was frequently cited). While this may seem rather out there and not at all a fantasy for many, I say as long as it’s fun, safe, and no one’s getting hurt, why not live a little. After all, that’s the whole point of a bucket list.

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6 Comments

  • cmkempe
    May 29, 2013 at 7:31 am

    Not much of a mystery there: when men in this culture only define themselves by not being women, they have to maintain a rigid heterosexual façade. Patriarchy, baby! As or a bucket list…hmmm, other than Johnny Depp or Tom Hiddleston, can’t think of anything I haven’t sampled yet.

    • madelineiva
      May 29, 2013 at 7:58 am

      Sex outside rocks, is all I’m sayin’. I’m such a happy camper reading this list–I had to read it out loud to DH because it was so funny and awesome. Excellent post!

      • cmkempe
        May 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm

        I’m glad somebody agrees; I got a mostly good review of SWAN PRINCE that said outdoor sex was icky o.O

  • Rachel
    May 30, 2013 at 6:55 am

    Interesting, I’ve had conversations like this with friends and have found out very interesting things about them that I would have never guessed. I hop you do that post about guys; another interesting topic that I’ve continually had with my husband and his friends; example for you: They’d be willing to give themselves a blow job if they could manage it but wouldn’t give one to another guy.

    My “sex’ bucket list is rather small (husband is not that experimental) but a threesome would be awesome. Also I agree that outdoor sex rocks!

    • madelineiva
      May 30, 2013 at 7:11 am

      Guys! What can you do?

      I think it was Spalding Grey who said there’s a joke about how if you do something just one time — bake a cake, build a house, etc, no one calls you a baker or an architect. But if you have sex with one guy you’re gay, you’ll always be gay, etc. Women do not seem to face that with some girl-on-girl experimentation. So maybe that’s what they’re struggling with.

      Glad to hear there’s another fan of outdoor sex out there. You know, now that I think about it, I really don’t read a lot of outdoor sex scenes in romances…maybe there are lots of squidgy readers out there who don’t find it at all appealing.

  • elfahearn
    May 31, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    The characters in my Regency novel never hit a bed. There’s something wild and elemental about doing it wherever the urge hits, and that’s definitely the mood I aim for. As for girl-on-girl, I had a lesbian roommate who tried to convince me that’s what I wanted. Several theatrical types attempted the same argument, but honestly, smooching a babe has never interested me. What’s in my bucket? Cold water…

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