Stranded on a Desert Island: A Lady Smut Quiz
1. I dream of being on a deserted island when:
a) What dream? I’m heading for a scuba-diving trip to Guam right now-who’s with me?
b) When I’m hanging out with my special vibrating ‘friend’.
c) Every damn day since the school year ended.
d) Whenever I add to my tiki mug collection.
A) Timothy Olyphant (The Perfect Getaway)
B) Josh Holloway (Lost)
C) Matthew Fox (Lost)
D) Adam Sandler (50 First dates)
a) raw sea urchin I catch myself
b) whatever local fish is at the closest restaurant where we can sit and look at the water.
c) a picnic from home stuffed with cold pesto chicken salad on baquettes, marinated artichoke heart salad, and raspberry brownies. (Yum!)
d) a pitcher of mai-tai’s at one of those bars where the tropical drinks are the size of bird baths.
3. When I’m on the beach I like to:
a) oil up, lie down, and indulge my sun tanning addiction.
b) Roll around with a guy in the waves, a la Burt Lancaster and Debra Kerr in From Here To Eternity
c) Slather myself in sunscreen before I start looking like an old baseball mitt.
d) Wait–have I ever actually been to the beach? Hmmmm.
4. In my desert island fantasy:
a) After a bonfire, we go skinny dipping in the ocean at midnight.
b) We make love in a secret cave you can only get to by water.
c) We are on the beach–no wait, too much sand. We are in a hammock–no wait, that would tweak my lower back. We are in a hut, but one without roaches, or rats, and somehow there’s a little fridge there that works–and a bathroom–and an outdoor shower with warm water–and big fluffy beach towels.
d) I’m a virgin sacrifice to a volcano god who happens to look just like Jemaine Clement.
5. At the end of the week (or month, or year–but who’s counting?) I return to civilization:
a) to pack my things–I’m a-movin’ to Hawaii!
b) with one perfect sand dollar to remind me of the trip
c) with a blistered red nose, a few photos, and a very special yeast infection from sitting around in a wet bathing suit.
d) to pack my things–I’m moving into the volcano with Jemaine.
If you picked mostly A : Congrats! You’re a bonafide beach rat. Whether it’s underwater cave spelunking or body surfing rip tides on a South African beaches, your soul does a happy dance the second you smell the briny tang of an ocean breeze.
If you answered mostly ‘B’: You’re a beach romantic. A morning walk on a foggy beach is your idea of heaven. You’d be happy even on the beaches of colder climates–say Scotland, Maine or Iceland. You don’t need sun and sand dunes to enjoy the ocean’s solitude.
Mostly C’s: Ahoy, land lubber. To you beaches mean sunburn, piles of stinky sea-weed, and sand fleas. Stick with beachy decor in the house (island breeze candles, maybe?) and tropical drinks at the bar.
The D Group: Whaaaaa-waaaaa! (The buzzer sounds). You’re ready for the Tiki-Lounge maybe, but not Tahiti. You enjoy the kitschy side of beach life, but probably won’t visit the real thing any time soon.