July 10, 2013

Soccer Studs: A Primer For American Gals

Christiano RonaldoWe’ve all heard the statistic about soccer (or football, as it’s called everywhere but in the U.S.) being the world’s most popular sport. With over three billion people in its fan base, it far surpasses every other sports in terms of most watched and most played, so no matter how you look at it, soccer is tops. In the U.S. it’s gaining in popularity but still lags far behind football, baseball, basketball, and hockey.

Soccer is often labeled as “the beautiful game,” and it’s easy to see why. It’s a relatively simple game, without overly complicated rules (as in American football), can be played anywhere and with little equipment. The beauty is, I think, in its simplicity. Some folks would call it boring. But let’s put all that aside for now. What we at Lady Smut prefer to focus on, rather than the beautiful game, are the beautiful guys who play it.

Soccer, like most sports, is physically demanding, and it lends itself to having very physically fit players. Edinson Cavani absWith good abs.

Soccer player's legsAnd legs.

Soccer players' assesAnd butts.

As for the players themselves . . . Well. Get out your fans. Here’s a review:

David BeckhamIf there’s one player who many (if not most) Americans know, it’s David Beckham. Becks, as he’s often called in the press, is a true worldwide soccer celebrity. He’s earned his reputation honestly through his ability, but his fame can probably be attributed to several factors, one of which is the fact that he’s married to Victoria Adams, better known as Posh Spice of the ’90’s pop girl group, Spice Girls. Becks can strike a pose all right and is certainly comfortable with his metro-sexualness. For all that, he’s still a hottie. Plus, I like his tats.

One of the current stars of the soccer world is Portuguese player Christiano Ronaldo. That’s his picture at the beginning of this post. You can’t deny that body. I mean, seriously. Ya can’t. But he’s not one of my faves so I’ll give him a mention but no more than that.

Fernando Torres

Let’s concentrate instead on Fernando Torres. Fernando is one of several hunky Spanish players. And, since he’s a blond, I thought it would be appropriate to include him for a bit of diversity.

Iker CasillasThe Spanish footballer voted by female fans as Spain’s sexiest is Iker Casillas. He’s the goalkeeper for the Spanish national team and has won numerous awards, including best goalkeeper five times in a row. He’s also about to become a first-time father, which is sexy in its own way.

Lucas MouraThe youngest player on my list is Lucas Moura. He’ll be twenty-one next month, so I figured it was OK to include him. Lucas is a Brazilian player. With Rio hosting the World Cup next year, look for him to take a prominent role on the worldwide soccer stage.

Nicolas Anelka shirtlessNicolas Anelka is a French player currently playing in the English Premiere League. Nicolas looks mighty fine any way you look at him, whether on the field or out on the town. We’ll take both.Nicolas Anelka suit

Roque Santa CruzParaguay’s best player  and all-time leading scorer is Roque Santa Cruz. Roque’s not currently attached to any football club, so it’s possible that he’s nearing the end of his career. All the more reason to get a good look at him now. 🙂

Heath Pearce

Not wanting to exclude the American boys in this list, I present for you here Heath Pearce. Heath’s a California guy, currently playing for the New York Red Bulls. His sister is Lindsay Pearce, who’s been a cast member on Glee. I don’t watch that show, but I’m OK watching Heath.

Last, but in no way least, we have my favorite soccer stud, Yoann Gourcuff. Yoann’s French. Get a look at him ladies. He’ll make you go Ooh la la! Looking at Yoann makes you realize that soccer’s not boring at all. You can watch it for hours! If you don’t like the actual game, just focus on the scenery. 🙂

Yoann Gourcuff

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  • Post authorcmkempe

    You left out my honey, Mesut Özil! On the whole I’d recommend rugby players instead. Phoar! Look at those thighs.

    Reply to cmkempe
  • Post authorElizabeth Shore

    Ha! You’re right about rugby player’s thighs. I mean, really, so many athletes have fabulous bodies (as evidenced by the body issue that’s just come out in ESPN magazine). I’m personally a fan of gymnasts’ bodies, but perhaps that’s for another post. As for Özil, he’s delicious, but there’s only so much room for all those studs. 🙂

    Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorLizEverly

    I prefer soccer players to American football players, all the way around And I think soccer is a much tougher sport. When they make contact, they don’t have pads and head gear to help them out. I once got on a bus with the Montreal Expos. It was a big mistake (of mine) and it’s a long story. But, suffice it to say, baseball players are pretty hot looking, too.

    Reply to LizEverly
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Yeah, some of those soccer injuries look pretty painful, especially when the spikes on the bottom of their shoes jams into another player’s shins. Ouch! Hey, nothing wrong with being on the bus with hot baseball players. So far I’m not seeing the mistake. 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authormadelineiva

    Fanning myself! 🙂 The thing that befuddles me is that soccer is a lower class sport elsewhere, but an upper class sport in the U.S. Maybe that’s why it’s not as popular in the U.S. Yet soccer is so much more simple (as you pointed out) in terms of gear and rules than football. Sports…sigh. Sometimes I just don’t understand.

    But what I also like about soccer (aside from the men) is the songs that the fans sing. Any activity that involves singing the refrains from musicals is awesome!!! 🙂

    Reply to madelineiva
  • Post authorJonh Ingham

    I once flew from Hong Kong to Tokyo sitting next to a NY lawyer. At some point she discussed being a Mets season ticket holder, with a seat a bit further along from first base. That way, she said in rather breathy tones, when the first base player reaches out for an incoming ball with his foot still on the plate, and his thigh muscles tighten…. I’d never thought of baseball in that way before. Put a whole new light on why there were so many ladies in the crowd at a game!

    Reply to Jonh Ingham

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