KickAss2: The Crush Continues


This is so wrong

This is so wrong

by Madeline Iva

Hi Lambchops!

Madeline here with more perseverating over KickAss2.

There are four major reasons to become obsessed with Kick Ass nation.

1) AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON: There are a few interesting things about ATJ.

A) Watching him in Kick Ass (the first movie) can make you feel a wee bit woogie.  Why? Because at 19 he’s enough younger than myself *cough* that I have decidedly lecher-ish feelings for him.  Eeesh.  Taylor Lautner never made me feel that way.  I could sit back and watch him with Bella and whatever.

I have a man-chest now.

I have a man-chest now.

I’m still facing down the echo of that feeling for ATJ in KickAss2–though at 24 he’s left behind boyish wrestler fit to join the ranks of beef cake drool-dom.  Watch out Wolverine.

Except like Wool-verine movies (I’m still rolling my eyes over the bear one)  KICKASS2 the movie doesn’t deliver the same charismatic punch that Kick Ass the character promises. 🙁

This is probably because on the most basic level, Kick Ass the character also doesn’t seem to have figured out anything at all in the sequel.  Sad, really.  More on the movie below—BEWARE: plot spoilers abound.

What a squiffy little mustache you have Aaron!

What a squiffy little mustache you have Aaron!

Another interesting thing about ATJ (did I mention he’s British?) is that he is so riveting in geeked-out form — but I blinked and missed him in SAVAGES.  That was a forgettable film with Salma Hayek and some other cool actors.

He was hippy-d out in that film and…my panty meter scored nada. Zero hotness registered for Aaron decked out in white-boy dreadlocks.

Now he’s filming something right now –GODZILLA according to IMBD — but I can already tell he’s going to be sex-appeal challenged in that film.  Why?

Because he’s sporting a close buzz shave.

Who is this? Yes, it's still Aaron Taylor Johnson.

Who is this? Yes, it’s still Aaron Taylor Johnson.

Interesting fact B) I think Aaron Taylor Johnson needs hair to act.  I really do.  And it’s gotta be the right sort of hair.

He looked good in ANNA KARENINA where he sported a funky little mustache.  He’s a Sampson, my pretties.  Shave those love locks, (or dread them) and his charisma goes right down the drain.

Interesting fact C) what kept me on the edge of wrong/right angst about Aaron Taylor Johnson is that he married someone about 20 years older.

So he likes older women is what I’m saying.

Defying the world to live in cougar nation, they now have two kids together and two more of her own.

They appear happy, and Mrs. Kick Ass–aka Sam Taylor Wood–is apparently going to be directing 50 Shades of Grey.  Wonder who she’s casting as the lead?

Ultimately, I think ATJ is one of those guys who’s a character actor in a leading man’s body.  He needs a character like Kick Ass to wiggle around in, and the hotness by-product is just a bonus for us ladies.

Hit Girl Rocks

Chloe Grace Moretz has hit puberty since this still from the first film. But Hit Girl lives on in my heart as a girl, not a tweener or a teen or a woman. A Bad-ass little girl.

2) HIT GIRL — the character

Has the purple motorcycle replaced the pony in a little girl’s heart? I think it has.

Hit girl has hair I want, the attitude I want, and the major kick-butt skills I want. She was sadly underutilized in the film. The best moment I thought was when she was indoctrinated into tweener/teen girl lust.

This was accomplished by means of a boy band video where Hit Girl discovers that a) Boys Have Chests and b) We Feel Funny Things When We Look at Their Chests.   Her eyes about bugged out of her head at that point.

I was loving it. Half a movie later Kick Ass takes off his shirt and oh snap–Hit Girl has discovered sex.

But her surprise is quickly hidden and the movie races onward going nowhere fast.  🙁  Ptooey.

This film just did not know what to do with the extra-competent Hit Girl.  Hit Girl was all bound up from acting by these artificial constraints.  Ugh.  The film let her flounder and fester with that whole Not-Knowing-Who-You-Are-Where-You-Fit-In angst.  Which blows.

I certainly had the hostility and aggression of Hit Girl when I was that age, and let me tell you, I was not an insecure bag of uncertainty.  Hit Girl celebrates the dynamo force that some females are born with — and these females do not suffer fools lightly.  They don’t give a rat’s ass about fitting in — so I didn’t buy this movie trope for one instant.

More theories below about why they went this path.

Kick Ass was even more uncertain.  I mean–what gives with all the wishy-washiness? Grrrr.

3) CHLOE GRACE MORETZ –the actress I’m obsessed with her.

Can’t wait for CARRIE to come out.

He's a lover not a fighter. Look at those wavy locks.

He’s a lover not a fighter. Look at those wavy locks.

However — my theory about why Hit Girl was left to flounder in KickAss2 is because Chole is turning into more of an A-Lister than the movie, than Aaron Taylor Johnson, and the Kick Ass franchise.

I wondered if they kept her out of the way for a lot of the movie simply because she was less available. At the end *SPOILER ALERT* they send her off for no very good reason like she’s leaving the franchise or will be replaced by another actress…hmmm.  My conspiracy theories abound.

4) CHEMISTRY BETWEEN KICK ASS & HIT GIRL

Here’s what the first Kick Ass film did right: It took a quirky and uneasy edge of real-world-dom incompetence and applied it to the comic book milieu.

When it got violent, (and it did frequently) it surprised us with its violence.  Like the little girl just causing blood and mayhem everywhere.

The movie also gave us solid great characters.  Not just Kick Ass and Hit Girl, but Kick Ass’s friends were fun too, as well as Red Mist, the high school would be super-villian.   There were surprising moments between the characters that made the movie so much fun.

So sweet.

So sweet.

At the same time Kick Ass was getting some bootie from a girlfriend almost as much as he was getting the crap beat out of him on an upsettingly regular basis.  He displayed a sweet heroism that was almost on par with upsetting tragedy.

So that’s what the first film got right. In the second film we still have great characters, but a lot more violence.  In defense of the director and screenwriter they actually toned it down from the comic (eeesh.)  But the violence didn’t have that edge of surprise anymore.  It was just the yawn-worthy usual blood and gore.

There was a great chemistry to the characters in the first film –there was little to no chemistry in the second film, sadly. Only when the youthful villain MotherF***** accidentally kills his mother.  Then while going through her things post-funeral he discovers and ultimately dons her secret BDSM costume that was hidden in her closet.  Yes!!!!!

Suddenly we felt l that marvelous frisson of shame/embarrassment and What-The-Hell  that we felt from the first film.  Alas, it was a fleeting moment. IF ONLY they’d built on that moment and struck hard in the same way about the relationship between Kick Ass and Hit Girl.

CharacterSee, in the first film it would have been SO WRONG for Kick Ass–a high school senior to like high school freshman HIT GIRL.  (If for no other reason Chloe hadn’t hit puberty yet and that  8 year difference between the actors was very apparent.)

However in real life Chloe Grace Moretz is now 16 and Aaron Taylor Johnson is now 24.  In the movie they play senior and freshman.  In fact, at one point high school students think they’re knocking boots.  They give Kick Ass and Hit Girl plenty of guff.  But there it is — it’s on the table.

Yet the movie doesn’t ever pick it up and run with it. If they had — it definitely would have brought more edge to the film.

Oh, and what’s worse they tease you with it.  One of the best moments in the film was when Hit Girl sees Kick Ass’s chest (he’s so ripped too — how could someone not goggle at the sight of it?) Again Hit Girl goes through that shocking equasion: IF A=Kick Ass is a Boy + B= Boys Have Chests + C=Chests Cause Disturbing Feelings THEN CONCLUSION: I Think I Now Have Disturbing Feelings for Kick Ass.

Kick Ass 2 2They should have run with this! If only because what they offered up instead was so very meh. In the end, I still love the main characters in Kick Ass.

But with lagging action and indecisive plotting, the second movie did not live up to it’s illustrious name.

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4 Comments

  • cmkempe
    August 22, 2013 at 4:07 am

    If you ever read some of creator Mark Millar’s thoughts on the ladies, you might find yourself even more disappointed.

  • madelineiva
    August 23, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    The movies are definitely not stepping into the same big steamy pile of doo-doo the comic book does. Thankfully.

    I don’t know how the creator Millar feels about that, but I’m thankful that whoever wrote the screenplay and directed KICKASS wasn’t into the appalling misogynistic thing. I know that one rape scene in the comic book is deflected and doesn’t happen in the movie. Guys get beaten by villains and go to the ER, and Girls get beaten and go to the ER. It’s very even-steven in the movie and the strongest fighters are clearly the women.

    I’ve talked before with guys like Millar and his cronies before. You want to pull your hair out because otherwise smart guys say these incredibly bone headed things. They say utter bulls***–which I think even they don’t really believe.

    So here’s my theory: it’s almost like they purposely want a rise out of people. Why? I think because the rise of feminism scares them. Why? Because they don’t perceive a place for themselves in feminism — they see themselves as labeled “the enemy”. And no one wants to think they’re the enemy. They feel that inevitably they’re going to step in it one day and be given a beat down by some woman–and no one looks forward to a beat down. They see this as especially unfair, because, hey, they’re sensitive too–not that you’re allowed to protest that as a guy–and in their minds they’re not bad guys at all.

    So they say “I don’t care,” and in their careless lip flapping they step in it–and then they get the beat down from a feminist, just like they were expecting. It’s a self-defeating circle.

  • The unspoken taboo truth
    March 6, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Chloe Moretz is insanely hot! I loved her as Mindy / Hit-Girl in the first Kick-Ass movie!

    She had heaps of sex appeal already back then, it’s just a fact.

    Even though it is taboo, because she’s so young, I know a lot of guys have sex fantasizes about her in that schoolgirl outfit. I sure do….

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