October 17, 2013

Get Shorty: Hot Vertically Challenged Guys

I'd take Messina over the Brit any day.
I’d take Messina over the Brit any day.

By Madeline Iva

Okay, I’m watching Chris Messina on The Mindy Project.  If I weren’t married, I’d do him.  Am I right, ladies? And there was a bit in a recent episode where he was mashed up against the male nurse.  That guy’s a giant, and Chris Messina is tiny.  I remember thinking, “My God he’s so petite, and yes, I’d STILL do him.”

What lyrics? I’m just looking at Pharrell, I’m not even hearing any lyrics.

Speaking of the not super tall — we were wrangling over the song Blurred Lines yesterday, and I have to say, Pharrell Williams is the eye candy that sucked me into that video/song/performance.  While not as tall as Robin Thicke, I just can’t help it…I want him. (But if I can’t have him, can I at least get some skin care tips? His gorgeous complexion is beyond crazy beautiful.)

I saw a poll somewhere – like more than 80% of romance reading women want a TALL hero.  Why? My friend says:  “When I’m with a guy I want to feel feminine and pretty.  I don’t feel that way when a guy is shorter.  I don’t want to be an amazon, -all hulking and…it just feels wrong.”

Don't hide it--the sex is still totally hot, even if she's a foot taller.
Don’t hide it–the sex is still totally hot, even if she’s a foot taller.

I get that, yeah, sure.  And, I’ll even mention the elephant in the room.   Short guy= small penis.  Right?  Not always.  And as someone once said: it’s not how big it is, it’s knowing what to do with it.

Again — if you read a lot of romance, you’ve read about a lotta lotta mondo dicks.

My rebuttal: Brad Pitt with Geena Davis in Thelma & Louise.  He had her up on a dresser—and even so, her legs could have wrapped around him twice.  But it’s Brad Pitt, and…he looked like he knew what he was doing.

The thing is: if you’re not over six foot and you’re a guy in America, you’re under the same onus as women who are larger than a size 8.  And if you’re skinny? Sensitive? Fagettaboutit.

EntourageSome people out there are looking for short heroes:


Some others have also blogged — I loved the quote from a book on this blog:


“He’s not so short…he’s just concentrated.” (Squee!)

Stop trying to lean in.  Clearly she's into the little guy more than you two.
Stop trying to lean in. Clearly she’s got more chemistry with the little guy than with you two.

Then there was this episode on Entourage that sticks in my mind. A model who wants to move into acting basically attacks Eric with total joyous Amazon-y aggression.  He’s so cute and she’s ready to plaster herself all over his Irish elf-ness.  Eventually she tosses him–literally–onto a bed and has her way with him.

Now, his attitude is very engaging.  He’s not at all threatened by her attitude of intensity and sexy aggression.  If she wants to have her way with him…well, okay then.  Yet when he sees her tape and she’s a horrible actress, only then does he take a strong stand and refuse to represent her.  I have to say I liked this story line, I just wish we saw more of this.

Seth GreenSpeaking of Entourage — Seth green –who on the show played Eric’s evil twin – I’d do him.

Kurt Cobain – I’m STILL so obsessed with him.  In the official biography (yes I read it page to page) his girlfriend said he was so self conscious about his lack of bulk he used to wear three pairs of pants at one time.  I don’t care – his lyrics are to DIE.

Topher Grace and whassherface from That 70’s Show.  She learned the art of the Kelly McGillis stoop (that classic from Top Gun, where she’s sort of gracefully draped herself over Tom Cruise’s shorter figure.)

Short, sensitive, skinny. I see nothing wrong with this kind of guy.

Tall guys haven’t got it all wrapped up.  I was entangled at one point with a guy who was 6’ 5”.  He said he spent most of his time looking at the top of people’s heads.  I couldn’t kiss him when I wanted to, spontaneously—he was orbiting a different atmosphere that I just couldn’t reach.  Also he had a chronic  bad back—because being tall, people assume you’re strong and expected him to lift everything (heavy objects, cheerleaders, dancers, etc) all the time.  Also he worried about brain damage—this from hitting his head constantly on top of door frames some times so hard, he concussed himself.

Ben Whishaw. Sigh.
Ben Whishaw. Sigh.

Remember that British guy from Bright Star. He played waify sensitive poet Keats.   Abby Cornish was so robust by comparison, but he was Keats.  He was to DIE even as he was dying.  Now he’s playing Q – speaking of which:

Daniel Craig – not tall.

And Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad–To me he’s got a scary lotta forehead going on.   But still…

Nuff said.

According to helpful sex books it’s harder for tall guys to have sex standing up – being equal height or if the girl is taller makes it much easier against a wall, in the shower, etc.  Just saying.

Yet I have to confess, the first romance I wrote had a giant hero.  One of those six foot three types.  And yes, I hang my head in shame, he has a massive one eyed lizard.

So I vow I’m going to have some amazon tackle some shorter-than guy in a book and have both of them like it.

I also vow to have some “concentrated” guy concentrate on some long tall sally.  Promise.  It’s a great barrier for a couple to deal with.  No one else will see them coming.McGillis

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  • Post authorLizEverly

    As you know, Madeline, I am 4′ 10.” I don’t mind a smaller man at all. I like them. (Remember my sniper friend from the Writer’s Police Academy? Very short.) I’ve yet to find a tall, thin man sexually appealing. But I will say this: when a certain type of short men see me around they perk up a bit. Throughout my life I’ve noticed if there’s a short guy anywhere around me, he finds me, and usually makes a pass at me. Seriously. Now this annoys me to no end. It’s too assumptive for me, ya know?

    Reply to LizEverly
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      LIz, you’re 4′ 10″? Can I tell you that when I was younger I was filled with delirious envy over the petite girls. I’m average height, but I shot up to my height really fast so I was one of the taller girls in grade school . . . and thus towered over the guys. Not good.

      Madeline your post bring up some hotties. Seriously, there’s just nothing wrong with Ben Whishaw. There just isn’t. Still, I gotta confess I’m more drawn to the gladiator guys. Big, tall, and ripped . . . now you’re talking my language. 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
      • Post authorLizEverly

        And I always wanted to be tall! 😉

        Reply to LizEverly
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    Tall, short — but skinny! I dated a guy once who was very muscled and it was like lying in bed with a side of beef. I did not like how it felt. Which is not to say that sometimes I don’t get a little melty over some glorious bod. Even the Ellora’s Cavemen–darling sweethearts that some of them can be–are a little too built for my taste.

    Ultimately, what I really appreciate is a guy who tries. A good guy. Sometimes it’s the short guys who try harder.

    I wish I could say tall guys or short guys flock to me. Sadly, the reality is I spent a lot of life being a total geek magnet.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorLizEverly

      Nothing wrong with that, sistah!

      Reply to LizEverly
  • Post authorAuthor Charmaine Gordon

    Funny. Oh so funny at nine a.m. Does anyone recall Mickey Rooney who always played /starred with Judy Garland in the movies? Probably not ’cause dinosaurs roamed the earth back then. Any way he was a height challenged, red hair, freckled cutie movie star. The story is he went up to a statuesque beauty at a party in Hollywood and said his come-on line, “What do you say to a little f..k?” She smiled way down and said, “Hi, little f..k”
    And th, th, that’s all folks.

    Reply to Author Charmaine Gordon

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