Nothin’ Casual About Casual Sex

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

Casual sex.

Oh sure, now I’ve got your attention.

I stumbled across this article on—which right away should tell you something—about the most promiscuous cities in the world. Not along the lines of “Berlin, you slut,” but rather which cities are the ones whose residents are most comfortable with and most inclined toward having casual, non-romance or relationship seeking sex. The places that attract the most tourist traffic of those looking for a little bang bang on their break. But before it got on with the city hopping, the tour bus hit some talking points about casual sex, and just like that, my flight was delayed.

Nothing like The Big Easy for some easy lovin’

The majority of women surveyed for the article admitted to having casual sex as some point in their lives and a very small percentage of that number regretted doing so. The article mentions how “experts” blame the increased acceptance of casual sex in society for puberty occurring at younger ages in adolescents leading to the rise of sexual activity in teenagers. I think it’s more due to the media targeting teens as a demographic more and more over the last 20 or 30 years, particularly as advertisers try to grab onto their disposable cash, but they likely go hand in hand chicken and egg style. As casual sex gains more overt acceptance in society, the business world capitalizes on it by making more sexually explicit ads. Western society’s increased acceptance of casual sex is arguably most evident in movies, television and books (ahem), though I find it telling that, despite this, it’s the depictions of violence (and especially violence against women) that are ever more accessible to younger viewers more so than any sexual content, but that’s a different post. Overall, the article’s general consensus is that most people feel more comfortable engaging in casual sex when in a separate environment, like on vacation, but whether at home or away, setting is key for letting inhibitions fly free and indulging in some no-strings casual sex.

Nothin' at all casual about it.
Nothin’ at all casual about it.

But can sex ever truly be casual? My gut response to sex is never as simple as to be termed “casual”, so the idea of viewing sex merely as an adult theme fascinates me. This may be why I write sexy romantic suspense stories in which my characters get hot and heavy not long after they lay eyes on one another. 

Countless romance novels, erotic or otherwise, have launched with a hot one-night stand but the story starts not with the sex, fun as that is, but with the emotions, the connection the characters inevitably find in that scorching first hook up. But it’s not casual. It’s far from casual.

Do you think sex can ever really be casual? Which of the ten cities on that list would be on your bucket list given the chance for a tour of the most promiscuous cities of the world?

Follow LadySmut. Nobody would dare suggest we’re casual about anything.


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  • Post authorElizabeth Shore

    Whether or not one can have “casual sex,” which is really just euphemistic for “sex without emotional connection,” probably – as many things do – simply depends on the person. I think women in particular tend to wrap emotions around the sexual act and therefore there’s nothing casual whatsoever about getting laid and left all in the same night. Guys seem to desire that much more than women do, particularly young 20-somethings. Far be it for them to get tied up in all that “emotional baggage” like feelings and such. The irony, of course, is that women in their 20’s are in their prime fertility years. So while they may be biologically driven to find their forever mate, guys are running like mad in the opposite direction. Oh, what a tangled web we weave . . .

    Great post, Kierten!

    Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    I liked this post too. I have never been up for casual sex. I think a lot of people do it because they love the thrill of the hunt/chase, and they do it for the notches on the ego. “He’s really into me,” giggle giggle. Or because they’re little sex squirrels and it just feels so good to get it on with whomever. This has never been me.

    All of which is fine. I thought it was interesting the other day to read a study saying that a lotta lotta women don’t actually get off during casual hook ups, and a lotta guys don’t care (“She’s not my girlfriend, so I’m not going to make sure she’s all set unless she speaks up about it.”) Many women seem okay with this, shrugging, so maybe just the ego thing is enough to scratch their itch.

    AND YET: a lot of this stuff seems to also be about a) a quick fix for loneliness and b)power. That’s where it all gets dicey for me. I back away quietly from any cultural event that puts pressure on anyone to hook up–even if they’re not really into the idea. I just want an even playing field of gender equality, and when that happens, then by all means, boink away…if you want to.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
  • Post authorLizEverly

    This is a topic that am fascinated by–mainly within the realm of sex clubs and “swingers” and so on. I know a few swingers and clubbers and they seem to be completely together people. And casual sex is many times what they are after. In fact they live their whole lives around it. Both men and women. It seems to work for some people.

    Reply to LizEverly
  • Post authorC. Margery Kempe

    Some people just don’t have time for relationships. There’s an excitement in sex but it’s quite refreshing at times not to have to make small talk later.

    Reply to C. Margery Kempe
    • Post authorAlexa Day

      Yeah, I totally agree. An actual relationship involves a lot of startup work! Sometimes a girl just needs a little something to clear the cobwebs. 🙂 In fact, if we didn’t have to deal with the oxytocin bond, I imagine non-committed sex might be an even more widespread practice.

      Thanks for this post, Kiersten! You know I love having my thoughts provoked. 😉

      Reply to Alexa Day
  • Post authorPrincess Fi

    I know people do it but I cannot conceive of having sex and it being so casual it doesn’t mean anything. Hell, it’s about the most intimate thing you can do with another person and you are often most vulnerable.

    Reply to Princess Fi
    • Post authorMadeline Iva

      It is very intimate–intimate parts of the body, a lot of vulnerability.

      Reply to Madeline Iva

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