Men In Kilts Fighting Trouser Tyranny
With the celebration of Liz Everly’s Like Honey release this week, we’re talking all things Scottish here on Lady Smut. So I pondered what to write about Scotland. I thought of the rugged countryside, the thick brogues, the shrill bagpipes, the whisky. So far, not a dram of inspiration to be had. But then a writer friend (thanks Kelly Janicello!) forwarded me something about men in kilts. Hmmm. The seeds of inspiration sprouted at last.
There’s no doubt that a man in a kilt can look sexy. Take a look at Liz’s Pinterest board here if you’re skeptical. But in much of the western world, unless a guy fancies himself a cross-dresser, kilts are a no-go. They are technically speaking skirts, after all, and guys in skirts are about as accepted as nudists in Times Square. So what’s a kilt-wearing wannabe guy to do? Enter, kiltmen.com.
Kiltmen, or self-titled “Bravehearts” (and frankly, in many places a guy will indeed need to be brave to walk around in a kilt), are a group of men fighting against what they call trouser tyranny. Why should men be subject to that hellishly uncomfortable, binding, and restrictive garment called trousers when it makes much more anatomical sense for them to wear MUGs (male unbifurcated garments)?
The kilmen note quickly and often that they are NOT GAY, they’re merely fighters for the freedom and pleasure of wearing kilts and other non-restrictive forms of clothing such as caftans or robes. After all, they argue, trousers bind and chafe, even to the point of lowering sperm count. GAH!!! How can we as a reproductive-loving society allow such tyranny to occur? Is no one considering the long-term psychological damage inflicted upon 50% of the population by insisting that men wear pants??!
To be fair, the kiltmen make a good historical argument to support their views, pointing out that ancient Romans, Vikings, men of biblical times and, of course, Scottish highlanders have worn some form of unbifurcated garment for centuries. In addition, men in other parts of the world such as the Middle East continue wearing them today. It’s only been in relatively recent times that men in the western world have had to endure the forced subjection of trouser wearing.
Part of me (admittedly, the sometimes cranky part) feels like telling the kiltmen that if they want to whine about societal repression it’s A-OK by me, but they’ll have to get in line behind the gazillion women ahead of them who’ve endured it since the dawn of time. But the nicer side of me feels simpatico with the kiltmen. Hey, I get it. It sucks to have to conform to someone else’s standards. Sometimes I’d like to wear my pj’s to work but noooooo. It’s not considered proper office attire, so in a skirt and heels I go.
Perhaps, if we’re talking about demanding clothing equality for all, we could take a page from the laws in several states – Massachusetts being a recent exception – where it’s legal to shoot photos up people’s skirts. The kiltmen claim that according to the Scottish highland regiments, nothing at all is to be worn under the kilt. The boys like to swing unimpeded, apparently. So, that being the case, a few snapshots of the freewheeling family jewels isn’t a problem, right? It’s all about fair play. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander (or the gonads, as the case may be). If the guys can shoot up women’s skirts, we gals can shoot up guy’s kilts.
What do you think? Do you support a man’s right to drop trou and don a kilt, or do you push to keep the pants firmly on? Let us know in the comments below. And if all these musings on kilts has gotten you in a wee bit of a Scottish mood, be sure to satisfy your hunger with a copy of Like Honey.