You may remember a post I wrote several months ago about searching for love in the digital age. It was inspired by a friend of mine who’s in the throes of a serious long-distance relationship. She and her guy met online, they “dated” online, they even fell in love online – all without ever having actually met one another in person. They live really far apart – on separate continents – so airline tickets are über expensive and cash is tight for both of them. This situation went on for close to a year until finally, last month, they met in person. He flew to where she lives and stayed for four weeks. By all accounts, it was amazing. Now, alas, he’s gone back home and they’re left pondering the age-old, long-distance relationship question: should one of them move for love?
It would be a massive, emotional life change. It would mean leaving behind friends, family, job, and familiar comforts. It’s not something everyone can do. It’s not something everyone should do. But how’s a girl to know?
Writer Amy Spencer posted an interesting blog article on match.com’s online site, happen (tagline: “because love doesn’t come with instructions”) about her own experience on taking the moving-for-love plunge. She recently relocated from NYC to L.A. and shared some good insight about how to know the time to move is right. Her tips mostly focus on making sure that a couple’s long-term goals mesh. Dreams for the future, whether the relationship is “in it for the long haul,” that kind of stuff. She also wrote that the two of them having a new place together, instead of her moving into his existing place, was vital to success. She writes, “Now, instead of feeling like I’m encroaching on his pre-me life, I feel like we’re on an “us” adventure.”
The interesting dynamic in the situation for my friend, and for any couple involved in a long-distance relationship, is that ultimately there needs to be an end game. At some point, the relationship has gotta happen in the same location for it to deepen and grow. Skype and Hangout are great, but they only go so far. The truth is, if you’re not together, you’re not together. The physical doesn’t happen. Phone sex and Skype sex hold a certain appeal, but only for so long. You don’t want to be building up callouses (heyo!) from an over-abundance of self love.
While I was thinking about my friend’s situation and reading some articles on long-distance relationships, I came across something interesting. Blogger Eric Ravenescraft wrote that a friend once told him, “A long-distance relationship isn’t really a relationship. It’s the promise of one.” Interesting theory, but I don’t agree. Neither would my friend. She and her guy are definitely in a relationship, and have been for the past year. They’ve spent the bulk of their time apart and have only met once. Yet they are partners in every classic sense of the word. They share life’s ups and downs with each other, their dreams and their goals. They offer support to one another, they laugh; they love. But at some point, if they want to go on, one of them’s gotta move. Question is who? And when?
Have you ever moved for love? Would you? Let us know how you feel on the topic and don’t forget to follow us here at Lady Smut, where we’ll always try to move you.