June 18, 2014

Why Does Old People Having Sex Make Us Squishy?

Senior Couple Relaxing On Bed

By Elizabeth Shore

Here’s a text conversation I had recently with my dad:

Dad: Hey, I ordered your book! Can’t wait to read it.

Me (texting with panic): Oh, Dad, that’s great, but really. You don’t have to. My books are for the ladies.

Dad: Ha ha. Of course I’m going to read it. You’re my daughter!

A week passed. Another text from dad:

Dad: Just finished your book. I loved it!

Me (feeling the combustive burn in my face): Oh. Well, thanks Dad. 

Then I crawled away to hide.

Actually, I didn’t. My dad’s cool and always supportive. He’ll read whatever I write, by God, and nothing’s gonna stop him. Part of my mortification, of course, is related to the fact that I don’t want my dad knowing what his daughter knows about, you know, sex. I mean, really, just … no.  Ach. He’s my dad. But the other part of me wonders whether my cringing is solely related to that or honestly, if there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to think about – gaah! – older people as sexual beings who are having sex.

I think I can safely argue that plenty of people don’t like the thought of senior sex. A sexually active man in his 30s is a stud. In his 70s he’s a dirty old man. How far one falls as the years pile on! Clearly the latter moniker reflects society’s negative view on the thought of  older folks doin’ the down and dirty. But why? Hey, we’re all getting older. I don’t intend to put the brakes on in the bedroom just because a few grey hairs show up to the party.  But are we as a society now so youth oriented that the thought of seniors and sex make some go “ewww”?

In Japan this doesn’t seem to be the case. A recent article on Time.com cited the rocketing rise of “elder porn” in Japan. Yes, Japan. It’s a country that repeatedly comes out in surveys as one of the world’s most sexless societies, with 25% of married couples stating that they go for a year or more without making love, and 38% of 50+ couples stating they have no sex at all. So what’s a 50-or-more-something to do in sexless real life? Watching elder porn appears to be the answer. Thirty percent of films in the largest adult video store in Japan have “mature women” as the theme.

The interesting thing is that statistics show older people are indeed getting it on, despite sex at an older age posing some potential problems. Joints get stiff but other parts don’t (heyo!). Women can experience vaginal dryness, either sex could collapse from a heart attack, etc. etc. The list can go on, but where there’s a will there’s a way, and seniors are indeed having their way. With each other.

Our Lady Smut frequent commenter Charmaine Gordon writes what she calls “mature romances,” in which her hero and heroines can be 50 or even 60 years plus, and there are romances out there with the h/h over 40. What I really don’t see, however, is romance, especially erotic romance, featuring seniors. As in retirees, or the “above 70” crowd. I have to wonder if that’s going to change. The 70+ population now was raised in a much more conservative era. Will 20-something erotic romance readers of today be sexually active seniors tomorrow and, in turn, consume erotic romance featuring heroes and heroines like themselves?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below, and don’t forget to follow us at Lady Smut. We’ve got new posts every day for ages of all kind.

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  • Post authorBarbara Mikula

    Well good for us! LOL! But of course, first you have to have a partner, and many older women are on their own. So, I can see that romances geared to holder heroines could have a big market. I try to make my heroines appeal to a wider range of readers by aging them in their mid to later 30’s. That way they can go either way. One funny aside. I was recently told by a friend that although she had “not had time to read my books” her husband had read them ALL and loved them! This is a great, big, 6’5′ older man. I was astounded and delighted. Then she leaned over and whispered, “He had to tell me what bondage was.” – Skye Michaels

    Reply to Barbara Mikula
    • Post authorKel

      That’s awesome.I always like hearing when a guy reads romance since it’s “normally” women who read them. My dad reads crossover genre books; romance-mystery or romance-scifi off my shelves. 🙂

    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Hahahaha!! Great story, Barbara. I love it.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorHarliqueen

    This post made me chuckle 😀 But you make a good point. Why not have older people in romance books, love and sex doesn’t stop, right? 🙂

    Reply to Harliqueen
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Let’s HOPE it doesn’t stop, Harliqueen!!

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorKel

    I think there’s a difference between “older people” and “my parent(s)”. Intellectually, my parent are/were/can be sexual beings, but I don’t want to think about it in any particularly graphic way. I mean, I know they had/have sex… and I know it’s good for them (go parents! get down with your bad selves!) but… I certainly don’t want to dish with them about the details the way I might with friends.

    I certainly wouldn’t want to catch them in the act, as it were, even if I might think it’s awesome that they still need personal time without kids or grandkids around.

  • Post authorLiz Everly

    I think the libido goes on and on for some of us. I recently read somewhere that STDs are a big problem in nursing homes. Great post, as usual, Elizabeth!

    Reply to Liz Everly
  • Post authorKat Attalla

    I had the same situation with my daughter. She won’t read my books because she doesn’t want to think that her mother knows about such things. Not sure where she think she came from but I have a sneaking suspicion that she thinks she was left by a stork in a Cabbage Patch. However that said I still prefer to read the fantasy of the young sexy couple. I live in reality but I want to dream in the fantasy world.

    Reply to Kat Attalla
    • Post authorBarbara Mikula

      Absolutely – I agree. This is romance, fantasy not day to day reality! That’s why my heros are rich and handsome although usually somewhat flawed, and my heroines are beautiful but not perfect either. – Skye Michaels

      Reply to Barbara Mikula
  • Post authorAuthor Charmaine Gordon

    My name is Charmaine Gordon. I’m a sexaholic.

    Okay, that doesn’t describe the total me but at my age, 83, I find making love to still be the romantic wonder it used to be. Instead of ooh and aah now we say ouch, prop a pillow here and there, whatever it takes to keep our warm skin touching. In my seventies I discovered the best orgasms lasting endlessly, better than even in my youth. Hot damn, what a discovery!

    Yes, some of my stories are Mature Romance. I believe it isn’t over ’til it’s over so enjoy every moment, my friends.

    Reply to Author Charmaine Gordon
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      You’re funny! You rock, Charmaine. Keep it going, girlfriend.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorsarannadewylde

    Yeah, I agree with the older person vs. my parents argument.

    One of my friends just turned 70 and she was talking about giving her boyfriend a blow job. This didn’t phase me in the least, whereas if it had been my mother who was only three years older, I would have gouged out my eardrums with a mellon baller in the hopes of peeling that out of my brain.

    Although, that’s kind of wrong too. I mean, we should be glad our parents are still enjoying life.

    Reply to sarannadewylde
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      I know, right? I am definitely glad they’re still enjoying the sexy time, but oooh, hearing about it is a tall order!

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorNormandie Alleman (@NormandieA)

    I’m all for old folks having sex, but OMG I would die if my father read my books. I don’t even want my sister to read them. It just crosses a boundary that I am not comfy with.

    That said, my dad is a writer and knows what I write. We talk writing ALL the time, he just doesn’t read my work and we’re both super good with that. Lol.

    Reply to Normandie Alleman (@NormandieA)
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      I completely understand how you feel. Knowing my dad was reading my book – yikes! Still, I didn’t arrive via the stork so obviously he knows about such things. I just focus on the fact that he wants to show his support and leave it at that.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorannapurna1951

    Yes, it’s true, the sex drive for many may know no age limit. Only our minds restrict our attitudes and thinking, especially when it comes to our parents. How dare they? They having sex brought us here in the first place to have this discussion. Why should they stop now for our convenience or misguided sensibilities? As adults, we need to grow out of our childish notions and fantasies. We can start by seeing sex as something other than being dirty.

    Reply to annapurna1951
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Agree 1,000 percent, Anna. Sex isn’t dirty, it’s beautiful – at any age.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore

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