June 27, 2014

Ten Steps to Inner Peace

One Night in Rome by C Margery Kempe - 500
Out July 22nd from Tirgearr!

by C. Margery Kempe

While most people are getting ready for their holidays or counting down to the end of classes for themselves or their children, I am doubling down on the busy as the last couple months of my sabbatical loom before me like the blades of a guillotine [just joking (not)]. This week as I’ve been picking up speed, lots of people around me have finally found the leisure to take a breather — and come up with things for me to do.

Insert grumpy face here >:-(

But don’t worry! I have tried and true ways to beat the stress and find your inner peace. So if you’re scrambling like me, just take a moment to run through these steps and see if you don’t feel better in no time.

1) Swear

It’s a well-known fact* that cursing opens up your chakras and allows you to reduce blood pressure. Directed at the source of your stress it may temporarily at least put an end to your receiving further stress.

2) Throw Tantrums

Who was that one guy who wrote that book about learning everything he needed to know in kindergarten? I rest my case.

3) Drink

Hydration is key to good mind/body balance and martinis make you witty and gay. And sometimes belligerent and arrested, but that’s by the way.

4) Meditation

Every good plan starts with mindful meditation. You cannot maintain world-domination or carry out a perfect crime if you do not meditate carefully on the detail work. Axes don’t bury themselves in skulls, people. It takes thought.

5) Letting Go

Let go of the doubts that hold you back. Let go of your pre-conceived notions of what counts as success. And when the police tell you to drop your weapons, do it.

6) Prioritise

You can’t do everything at once. Divide and conquer should be your motto. That and avoiding land wars in Asia. If you’re making a kill list, some one has to go at the top. Think carefully. Who most deserves to experience the full force of your murderous mood.

7) Know Yourself

Do you know your true self? Are you a pantser or a plotter? Introvert or extrovert? Rage-killer or cold-blooded? Axe or pistol? It will save time if you choose wisely and work to your strengths.

8) Skip anything you don’t want to do


10) Make Lists

And then just throw them away. Or make them into blog posts. And then go have that martini.


Follow Lady Smut here and on Facebook. We’ll set you straight.


*Fact here may be read as “my considered opinion” and I am a doctor (of philosophy, sure, but what the hell do you think this is? Q.E.D.) Need I say this is all in good fun and I wouldn’t hurt a fly? Seriously, just joking. We’re only serious about our books: click on any picture to find out more.

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  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    So much here to savor….swearing, yes! I will do my best to keep my chakras open from now on….I also like number 6 and 8 *quite* a lot.

    I’m one of those people who when they have to much to do just shuts down completely. In the future I may combine numbers 1 and 10 and 6. I’ll swear my way through my to do list of people to kill. ;>

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorC. Margery Kempe

      Combining steps is efficient. Especially while drinking martinis.

      Reply to C. Margery Kempe
  • Post authorKel

    I personally prefer burning the lists to throwing them away… throwing away is so… passive.

    • Post authorC. Margery Kempe

      I need little encouragement to start burning things…

      Reply to C. Margery Kempe
  • Post authorLiz Everly

    Much needed advice for me today! Thanks for the add of my book!

    Reply to Liz Everly
  • Post authordavidjmobrien

    can I suggest getting out into nature – half an hour looking out at the sea or at some mountains makes all the things on the list seem such frivolity. At least it does for me!

    Reply to davidjmobrien
    • Post authorC. Margery Kempe

      Phhfft, well if you want to give good advice.

      Reply to C. Margery Kempe
  • Post authorElizabeth Shore

    Damn, I love to swear. Glad it’s also beneficial!

    Reply to Elizabeth Shore

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