Quick – name the single most dreaded sex act according to women. A trip fantastic down the bowels of Sodom? Being asked to contort into porn-style acrobatics? Pretending to love his rancid morning breath? Nope, not even close. According to some blogs and magazine articles I’ve read, along with an informal poll of my girlfriends, it’s swallowing.
Swallowing ranks rights up there with golden showers in the turn-off department. Not that it’s tough to understand why. Consuming a substance tasting like thick, bitter sour milk in hot gushes down the throat isn’t quite the same as sipping Dom Perignon. Or, frankly, even a basic latte. But guys sure like it when we do it, so should we just suck it up (or down, as the case may be) and accommodate? Or feel guilty when we refuse? Why do some women just say “no way” while others will do it each and every time – and actually claim to LOVE the taste? To swallow or not to swallow. That is the question.
To be honest, I’m not sure I completely buy someone saying she loves the taste. I think it’s like more that she loves her lover and will swallow for him because she knows how much it means to him. Doing something for someone you love can change a lot of things – even altering the taste of his ejaculate. You view it differently because it’s his. Your man’s. Or, that’s the theory anyway. And I think to an extent it works. But still. No matter how much a gal may love her lover, his spunk just isn’t going to taste like crème anglaise.
And why do guys care, anyway? Isn’t it enough that their lady has headed south in the first place? Ahhhh …. no. Definitely not. Naturally there are a few different reasons why – and there are guys who genuinely don’t seem to care – but many of them who do care want their gals to swallow because it shows we accept them. Just as we wouldn’t love it if our man goes down on us and then runs to gargle and brush the second he’s done, he doesn’t love us spitting out his jizz. It’s kind of a whole “this is who I am” thing, and spitting a part of him out is taken as a sign of rejection.
The whole topic of swallowing isn’t covered all that extensively in romances, but when it is it’s always enjoyed. At least, I’ve never read a romance where the hero pops a wad into the heroine’s mouth and she convulses with disgust over the nasty taste. As IF. It’s easy enough to write about it in a way that sounds romantic – she’s ingesting a part of his very being or some such thing – and that’s because it IS romantic. You willingly take what your lover offers without judgment or criticism. You give him intense pleasure and accept everything about who he is. So there’s that.
Still, in spite of all the pro-swallowing rationale, if you just can’t bring yourself to do it there are other options besides simply spitting it out. I’m speaking, of course, of the redirect. Have him come on your stomach. Or your breasts. Or, perhaps best of all – you could get yourself a homemade facial! Former Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief Helen Gurley Brown once famously remarked that a semen facial was excellent for the skin. You can even get one at an upscale spa. But why spend the big bucks? He’s gonna blow, and you don’t want it in your mouth, so why not give your cheeks a good schmear and see what happens?