July 2, 2014

Oh Cum On! Are You Gonna Swallow That?!

Sensual woman with sexy lingerie touching her handsome husbandBy Elizabeth Shore

Quick – name the single most dreaded sex act according to women. A trip fantastic down the bowels of Sodom? Being asked to contort into porn-style acrobatics? Pretending to love his rancid morning breath? Nope, not even close. According to some blogs and magazine articles I’ve read, along with an informal poll of my girlfriends, it’s swallowing.

Swallowing ranks rights up there with golden showers in the turn-off department. Not that it’s tough to understand why. Consuming a substance tasting like thick, bitter sour milk in hot gushes down the throat isn’t quite the same as sipping Dom Perignon. Or, frankly, even a basic latte. But guys sure like it when we do it, so should we just suck it up (or down, as the case may be) and accommodate? Or feel guilty when we refuse? Why do some women just say “no way” while others will do it each and every time – and actually claim to LOVE the taste? To swallow or not to swallow. That is the question.

To be honest, I’m not sure I completely buy someone saying she loves the taste. I think it’s like more that she loves her lover and will swallow for him because she knows how much it means to him. Doing something for someone you love can change a lot of things – even altering the taste of his ejaculate. You view it differently because it’s his. Your man’s. Or, that’s the theory anyway. And I think to an extent it works. But still. No matter how much a gal may love her lover, his spunk just isn’t going to taste like crème anglaise.

And why do guys care, anyway? Isn’t it enough that their lady has headed south in the first place? Ahhhh …. no. Definitely not. Naturally there are a few different reasons why – and there are guys who genuinely don’t seem to care – but many of them who do care want their gals to swallow because it shows we accept them. Just as we wouldn’t love it if our man goes down on us and then runs to gargle and brush the second he’s done, he doesn’t love us spitting out his jizz. It’s kind of a whole “this is who I am” thing, and spitting a part of him out is taken as a sign of rejection.

The whole topic of swallowing isn’t covered all that extensively in romances, but when it is it’s always enjoyed. At least, I’ve never read a romance where the hero pops a wad into the heroine’s mouth and she convulses with disgust over the nasty taste. As IF. It’s easy enough to write about it in a way that sounds romantic – she’s ingesting a part of his very being or some such thing – and that’s because it IS romantic. You willingly take what your lover offers without judgment or criticism. You give him intense pleasure and accept everything about who he is. So there’s that.

Still, in spite of all the pro-swallowing rationale,  if you just can’t bring yourself to do it there are other options besides simply spitting it out. I’m speaking, of course, of the redirect. Have him come on your stomach. Or your breasts. Or, perhaps best of all – you could get yourself a homemade facial! Former Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief Helen Gurley Brown once famously remarked that a semen facial was excellent for the skin. You can even get one at an upscale spa. But why spend the big bucks? He’s gonna blow, and you don’t want it in your mouth, so why not give your cheeks a good schmear and see what happens?

Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below, and follow us at Lady Smut. We’re always “coming” up with interesting topics. 🙂HotBayouNights 336 x 550






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  • Post authorC. Margery Kempe

    The taste is dependent on what he eats and drinks. Garbage in, garbage out.

    Reply to C. Margery Kempe
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Yeah, I’ve heard that, but I dunno. I do think if he’s got a penchant for eating loads of garlic on a daily basis that can’t be a good thing.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
    • Post authorKel

      Exactly this. Although I will point out that swallowing when you’re already suffering from post nasal drip (Allergies, please don’t go down on someone with a throat infection of any kind. Please. That way lies tales from the dark side… ) is its own circle of hell…

  • Post authorKat Attalla

    I’m not going to touch that one. Now you can figure out whether I meant that as a figure of speech.

    Reply to Kat Attalla
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Ha ha! I don’t mind it on my hands, ’cause they have no tastebuds … 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorKemberlee

    OMG! I’m gagging here. Not from the article. Great article. But that’s one taste that stays in your memory long after the event is over. I don’t care how much pineapple he’s eaten in the run up to the event!

    I’m all for the redirect, but it’ll have to stay below the collar, thanks. o.O

    Wondering . . . why is it sexy for him to come on your face, breasts, stomach . . . but not on, say, your knees or your feet?? 😉

    Reply to Kemberlee
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      You know, I’ve read the stuff about pineapple juice as well, but I have my doubts about the veracity. It’s just not a good taste, no matter what he eats or drinks.

      As far as the feet …. I bet there’d be a lot of guys into that! They often do have a thing for women’s feet …

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
      • Post authorKemberlee

        I know there are fetishists out there, but when average guys are asked where there favorite place to come is, I bet almost none of them say, “Oh yeah, baby, all over her feet!” 😉

        Reply to Kemberlee
    • Post authorKel

      Knees and feet are typically relegated to specific kinks, or contortionist poses. Since most mainstream people don’t (admit to?) have those kinks/skills, we don’t talk about it.

      I personally think most people underestimate the sensitivity of the skin on the back of the knees… possibly the same way they underestimate the sensitivity of the skin on the insides of the elbows. Sometimes I feel like too many novels go for the easily understandable erogenous zones and miss out on the amazing experience of having a lover find every little twitchy place on your body…

      then I realize how *hard* that would be to write.

  • Post authorHarliqueen

    ‘At least, I’ve never read a romance where the hero pops a wad into the heroine’s mouth and she convulses with disgust over the nasty taste.’ – This just had me in a state of giggles 😀

    But yeah, I don’t see the issue of swallowing in many of the romance/erotica I read, good thoughts though!

    Reply to Harliqueen
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Thanks, Harliqueen! Sometimes sex is just darn funny. 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorKel

    No romance novels, but other kinds of media… specifically a movie I remember where a female partner spits onto a mirror in disgust. Can’t remember which one, though.

    I’m in the “I’ll be over here, being undisgusted” corner. I personally find morning breath or too much alcohol more objectionable. *shrugs* to each their own. I won’t say it’s like icecream, but catch me in the right point in my hormone cycle, and I’m pretty orally fixated. And yes, it’s cyclical. “Lick you all up” has never come out of my mouth, but only because it’s usually full…

    • Post authorMadeline Iva

      It was HEATHERS!!!! She’s a teenager hanging out with the college boys and is expected to go down on them to be allowed bragging rights that she’s in with the college boys…

      Wow Kel–I feel almost exactly the same way.

      Reply to Madeline Iva
  • Post authorelfahearn

    I’m eating my cereal here and kinda dry heaving at the same time. I always tell myself it tastes like freshly mowed grass, but honestly, when was the last time any of use grazed?

    Reply to elfahearn
  • Post authorBarbara Mikula

    Hysterical. You all are hysterical – that’s all I have to say! LOL – Skye Michaels

    Reply to Barbara Mikula
  • Post authorAlexa Day

    This is such a great post. 🙂

    Years ago, one of my exes and I were at the neighborhood sushi place. We each had our first taste of quail egg sushi that evening. Because the egg is uncooked, one just pops the whole thing into one’s mouth; to bite it would mean allowing the egg to run out.

    Each of us popped the sushi into our mouths. Then we looked at each other.

    “How does it taste?” he asked me.

    “Interesting,” I said. “Not like the egg cake at all.”

    “No,” he said. “This tastes like someone came in your mouth.”

    That was precisely what it tasted like. That’s why I chose to say it tasted interesting. But that raised two of those had-to-be-there questions.

    1. How did my very heterosexual (by no means narrow, but quite straight) ex know what it tasted like to have someone come in your mouth?
    2. Why, if my suspicion was that he did not know that taste, did I feel compelled to respond with the tactful word “interesting”?

    Reply to Alexa Day
    • Post authorMadeline Iva

      That quail egg sushi moment is an interesting one for sure. I thought the idea was that you were supposed to sort of break the yoke just as it’s going down — our friend just chomped on it and had a mouth full of yoke. He was not a happy camper.

      Speaking of which…isn’t the idea that one gets the guy pretty deep down so when he comes so you…just kind of get just a little at the back of the throat thing? (Yet even as I type this I realize probably I don’t know what I’m talking about.)

      Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorKemberlee

      LOL This sounds like something that should go in a book!

      Reply to Kemberlee
  • Post authorErika Foxx

    I told my man that if he wants me to swallow then he has to try it first. End of story lol!

    Reply to Erika Foxx
  • Post authorNicola

    The taste is far more palatable than brussel sprouts, any seafood or coffee. To me. But that’s the thing with taste, everyone’s different. Two of those retch-worthy things on that list are most people’s luxury dessert island foodstuffs!

    Reply to Nicola
    • Post authorKemberlee

      You’re absolutely right about personal tastes. I’d much rather chow down on a bowl of brussels sprouts any day.

      I think, guessing, that this may be a reason guys try getting women to eat raw oysters. Like he’s priming her for later o.O

      Reply to Kemberlee
    • Post authorjerzygirl45

      Exactly! Brussel Sprouts!!- hate ’em. As long as it doesn’t taste like that I’m cool. Of the ones I’ve sampled, they’ve all pretty much either taste like dish washing liquid or nothing at all. Thankfully I’ve never had a Sex and the City “Funky Spunk” experience.

      Reply to jerzygirl45
      • Post authorElizabeth Shore

        Ha! You’re funny Jerzygirl. I forgot about the funky spunk episode.

        As for brussel sprouts versus spunk …. ah, I’m gonna have to get back to you on that. 🙂

        Reply to Elizabeth Shore
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