by Madeline Iva
You know how it goes. There is the movie you want to see…and then there is the movies HE wants to see.
The boys-club, he-man movie, the ‘let me save you little lady’ summer blockbuster film.
Since compromise is the soul of virtue, you get dressed up and bring along yer cute little summer sweater with you because it’s going to be crazy-cold in the movie theatre. Once inside, you brace yourself for some white-man-centric action adventure. Hoping there’s a Legolas or SOME kind of hotness factor to carry you along, you prepare to take a little cat-nap through the twenty minutes of bing-bam-boom! climactic ending where all story narrative comes to a dead halt as things blow up.
Well, not this summer mah friends.
This summer heralds a new day with action adventure mega-flicks. Some contenders for Actually Decent Action Blockbusters are:
1) Divergent Hotness factor: Theo James who plays Trice’s training instructor is hotness on a stick. Seriously. I mean, seriously.
2) Captain America: The Winter Soldier Hotness factor: Sebastian Stan who plays the Winter Solider is all mysterious-tragic hot–yet I’ll confess that the intense bromance between him and Captain America made me smirk.
3) Edge of Tomorrow Hotness factor: Emily Blunt’s yoga moves.
4) LUCY Hotness factor: Meh. Alas, there was none.
AND THE WINNER FOR HOTNESS FACTOR TOTALLY BY A LANDSLIDE WAS: Theo James. I’m still shaking my head over how his charisma carried that respectably okay film.
But which film was the HOTTEST SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER overall?
DIVERGENT is a strong contender. Unlike another YA super-seller book that became a film, (Did Vampire Academy even see a movie theatre before it became a DVD?) Divergent delivered a strong female-centered heroine and yer basic action-adventure satisfaction for a teen audience.
Bonus points for THEO JAMES the alpha and the omega for why you’d see this film. He looks good – I mean, it could be a silent film and I’d watch him engrossed – but his acting isn’t bad either.
Overall, however, I just don’t like whats-her-face’s stinking looks. She’s so very commercial. I would appreciate a heroine with a few quirks and wrinkles to her.
Props to Kate Winslet playing the bad guy while preggers. See, even pregnant women can be evil these days—that’s equality for ya.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER I’ll give him this – Captain America has a perfect body. Absolutely perfect. And he’s not a bad actor.
This movie gets props for having a black man in charge, a couple female side kicks, and a black man side kick. I mean, the white male ends up being in the minority—that’s when I started thinking Hey, whoa, what’s going on here?
This is not what action adventure usually looks like – is it?
It does now, sistah!
Ultimately, this film’s most compelling actor was it’s villain, the Winter Soldier.
He’s fairly hot in person too – here’s a clip from Chelsea Lately.
I’m not even going to talk about LUCY except to say….YUCK! Loaded with bad stereotypes–from intelligent people talk like robots, to super-genius’s are all selfish socio-paths, to brain scientists and cops are all men…this movie stank, just stank of pseudo-intellectual pretention from top to bottom. NOT Scarlet Johannsen’s finest hour.
Skip it – skip the DVD, seriously, like even if it’s on cable for free and nothing else is on.
SO THE WINNER FOR THIS SUMMER’S HOTTEST BLOCKBUSTER IS…..EDGE OF TOMORROW
Or as I kept calling it–Live Another Day.
Or, as it should really be called: Die Another Day.
What you have here is a movie about endless repetition. Bill, played by Tom Cruise is dropped in a war zone against evil aliens and dies in minutes. But he’s sprayed by blue alien goo first, and ends up coming back to life over and over to repeat the day.
It’s action adventure with edge of post-apocalyptic horror. It’s GROUNDHOG DAY at the end of the world–so what’s not to love?
And in this film you have not a solo woman or man hero – it’s a man and woman team.
Out of all these movies Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt are by far the best actors – and there is a strong dose of dry humor about the movie that helps it along.
One of the themes played out in the film is the same as a theme in Divergent. I call it the Men Who Have a Hard Time Watching Women Getting Hurt/Killed theme. This theme relates back to discussions about whether women should serve on battlefields with men. Look, I’ll just say this: it’s hard—we hope—watching anyone get hurt or killed, not just women. But hey, it’s better than the old action motif: Man Grieving Over Dead Wife.
Because that just served the purpose of not having any women in the film at ALL, not even a romantic love interest. Ugh.
Emily Blunt’s character is great. While Tom Cruise sometimes wants to smell the roses or take time to pause or just turn back and go home, she is 110% committed. She had discipline on her side, as well as mad soldier chops. Her attitude is total “we can do this” toughness/utter commitment.
I think what made the film so strong was that along with her utter dauntlessness (take notes Divergent) came along with the desire to keep her inner walls very high. As a soldier in dire conditions she accepts that the people around her will most likely die. It hurts to get to know them well first, so logically, she doesn’t want to get to know anyone, or have them know her.
Cruise however seems to utterly love her—he can’t help it. But he doesn’t say it. He knows they are a team, and his final total commitment to the team comes from his total commitment to her.
It’s pretty f***ing awesome.
You do get your money’s worth for this film. It’s a big, complicated, and long. Much to chew upon, yet in the end does it all hold together? Well, almost. The ending—and I mean the very very very end is a tad incomplete. I crossed my eyes trying to figure out how it logically worked and just couldn’t. I even cheated and looked up the film on Wikipedia and the comic book it was based upon just to get a sense of the original ending. But the comic it was based on was very hodge-podge and…not so coherent either. So let’s just agree that it all works out and not fuss too much over the details, eh?
Blunt’s character espouses a “by sacrificing ourselves to save everyone we win” while Cruise’s sense to win and stay alive. It’s kind of like a battle between standard Asian heroic tropes vs. American heroic. So guess who wins in the end? I’m not telling, you’ll just have to see the movie to find out.
Yes, Virginia, it’s a whole new action-adventure world out there these days. Given the changing climate in the movie industry – what would you like to see in an action adventure blockbuster next year?
Meanwhile, follow the action at LadySmut.com. We’ll leave you panting with anticipation for our next adventure.