Have you heard the one about the porn star who, after getting a full Brazilian, was horrified to discover that the skin color around her bum hole was a darker shade than the rest of her? Ach! WTF do you do about that??! The porn star, so goes the yarn, put out an SOS to her waxer and voilà! Anal bleaching was born.
This story may well be nothing more than a cringe-worthy urban legend, but sadly, the trend toward getting your back door hole a glowing newborn pink is not. A quick internet search reveals plenty of ways to get this procedure done, either in a spa or through home treatment remedies. There are creams galore with names such as Pink Privates, Biofade, My Pink Wink, and Lick and Luck Butt Bleach. No, my friends, I’m not making this up. I wish I were. But good news! If the thought of rubbing your cream-coated finger around your own unsightly bum hole repulses you, head over to a spa and get someone else to do it on your behalf.
One such place is Charmed Salon in California, who on their website asks the burning question: Do you suffer from embarrassing dark or discolored private areas? (I didn’t think so, but … ) We all want to look our best, especially in the most intimate areas of our bodies. (Right, because so many people are staring down my butt hole). Now you can, with our exclusive “bleaching” procedure for sensitive areas. Our anal or vaginal “bleaching” service lightens the pigment around the anal opening to provide a smooth and sexy appearance.
Did you catch the unwritten message in that last sentence? What unsexy losers we apparently all are should we dare to buck the trend and not lighten our anuses. Or so Charmed Salon and many other places would have us think. And how f**ked up is that?!
Wanna know what’s even more f**ked up? The fact that so many people are buying into this delusion. What started as a fringe trend some years ago is growing into a common personal grooming procedure, like getting a lip wax. It’s a sad commentary on self-perception and idealized beauty when the natural pigment around an area of the body we can’t even easily see needs to get “fixed.”
There are risks involved with this messed-up trend, too. Reports of burning, scarring, or incontinence are not uncommon. Yet despite all that, a pink pucker is a desireable pucker, and people are going to great lengths to get their bum holes brighter. But why stop there? Products abound for other offensive dark areas, like nipples, scrotum, underarms, and vulvas. How happy we could all be if only our vulvas were lighter – as this ad from India demonstrates oh-so-well. A young woman grows melancholy when the sight of her handsome husband’s black coffee calls to mind her repulsive dark pudendum. Thank the heavens above for Clean and Dry Intimate Wash! One squirt to lighten those lips and she’s back to being his sexy young thang instead of the trash heap on the couch she’d been mere seconds before.
This kind of message can put me in a real funk. But instead of wallowing in fits of despair, I say we fight back. At Lady Smut we’re all about the sexy, and the sexiest damn thing in the world is a confident woman. So stay with me, everyone. Love your body, don’t brighten your bung hole, and for heaven’s sake, follow us at Lady Smut. You won’t be bummed.