Choose Your Own Scandal


Big Book of Submissionby C. Margery Kempe

I had an idea on Twitter: I need to manufacture a good juicy scandal involving me to increase book sales! What should it be? Some suggestions:

GET CLOONEY TO BREAK THOSE VOWS

Okay, a very unkind thing but it was the first suggestion someone gave me on Twitter. Not that I would ever do a thing like that, of course! What sort of woman do you take me for (don’t answer that O.O)? But it sure would move a lot of books, right?

POLITICAL SCANDAL

I certainly can’t be arsed to run for office and try to make people like me — my idea of a campaign slogan would be something like “I’ll make this job look easy!” — but it might be worth it just to have the position to lose. Taking bribes would probably risk jail time, so I’ll have to go for the traditional sex scandal, I suppose. Pity there aren’t any attractive politicians.

START A CULT

Well, I kind of already have (Cult of Kaity) but this time a real, for-profit religious one. Think of it — so many fabulous possibilities. I could declare myself an emissary from the gods, demand gifts, tributes and sexual favours, live a lavish lifestyle and command my followers do all kinds of weird things that would land us all in the news. There might be a trial if some socialite joins our ranks and we prevent him or her from leaving, I suppose. I’d probably have to write some kind of handbook of revelations. Oh, that sounds rather dull. Hmmm…

LITERARY FEUD

Oh, there’s an idea! Think how much potential there is this sort of scandal. I could have a feud with one of my fellow Lady Smut authors, so we could make sure both our book sales rose! Alternating posts that excoriated one another and people would stand by breathless, waiting for the other shoe to drop — preferably spike heel downward on someone’s tender flesh.

But the truth is like most writers I like the quiet life (because that’s what you need to write a lot) and more importantly, I like my Lady Smut cohorts so it wouldn’t make for a very convincing feud. Ah well.

What scandal would make you check out a book? Do you want to vote on a scandal for me? Here at Lady Smut, we know what you like — you like choice! Two year of giving you choice stuff — long may it continue! Follow us on Facebook, too.

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12 Comments

  • Kemberlee
    October 3, 2014 at 5:06 am

    Hey, I don’t need scandal. With scandal comes drama, and I don’t need that either 😉 Although the sex and gifts thing seems very appealing!

  • Megan Morgan
    October 3, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I love the kind of scandal where it gets around that something that happens in a book is so shocking, anyone who reads it will be scandalized into a coma. Nothing makes me attempt to get my hands on a copy faster. Of course, it rarely lives up to the hype, but I’m a trained monkey and you can trick me with this over and over again.

  • Kemberlee
    October 3, 2014 at 10:15 am

    I hate to flog this horse again, because ,really, I wish it would just go away. BUT . . . one of the reasons 50 Shades hit so hot and fast (no pun intended) is because of rumors of it being banned for pornographic content just after publication. Of course, everyone wanted to see what it was all about so bought up copies while they were still available. Scandal? I dare say. Worked wonderfully for the author and the three publishers it’s been with since original publication, and goes to prove that any old sh*te can get published, even if the editing is horrible and the cover boring. That’s scandalous in and of itself!

    • C. Margery Kempe
      October 3, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Heh, so we can start adding banners to my books BANNED IN TWELVE COUNTRIES! because there’s bound to be some that have blanket bans on erotic content.

      • Kemberlee
        October 3, 2014 at 12:01 pm

        Hey, that’s a thought. Or BANNED IN PRISONS THROUGHOUT AMERICA AND GREAT BRITAIN. I believe earlier this year, GB banned erotica in prisons as a blanket ban, which I think includes romance! Of course, murder mysteries are still allowed o.O

  • Kel
    October 3, 2014 at 11:09 am

    I’m not really interested in scandal… now, if you discovered something intellectually interesting, or made a scientific discovery, I’d check out your book. But I’m all about the wurdz…

    • C. Margery Kempe
      October 3, 2014 at 11:47 am

      I am too, but it doesn’t lead to much in the way of sales.

  • Elizabeth Shore
    October 3, 2014 at 11:40 am

    The problem with a cult is that you might have to eventually declare it over and decide you’re all going to be beamed up ala Heavens Gate, which could potentially be good for book sales but really bad for you. So I’d nix that one.

    Maybe you could just act really weird. Run around naked in public screaming the names of your books? People would certainly notice …

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