Party (of Two) Line: Hot, Scandalous Phone Sex

9 Nov
No, what are yooooou wearing?

No, what are yooooou wearing?

By Alexa Day

Last week, I wrote about the way Tinder makes ordering a hookup simpler than ordering a pizza. I think that’s a good thing. The world is a complicated place, and a lot of us don’t have time and effort to spare.

By the same token, our complicated world holds sexy, hidden treasures that can only be unlocked with the investment of time and effort. Sexting is one of those things. Effort is the difference between the message that makes its recipient blush all afternoon and the message that goes up on #ByeFelipe. It shouldn’t take long to figure out how far one can go with a sext or to isolate the perfect tone and subject matter. But it’s possible to just dash something off and hope for the best, and so that’s what too many sexters are doing.

Phone sex is headed down the same path. At the outset, I think sexting is forcing phone sex onto the periphery, which is not good news for any of us. The real problem, though, is that the initiator is all too often unwilling to seduce the listener before going right to the sex. As the meme goes, one does not simply call and ask, “What are you wearing?”

Unless one wants to hear the unvarnished and unsexy truth.

This past Thursday, on Scandal, the leader of the free world engaged in a little phone sex with his favorite fixer. The phone sex component of the call didn’t take that long, but Fitz made the most of the time he had, as one would expect the President to do. And he got the job done. By the time he was done, Olivia Pope was squirmy and uncomfortable in the nicest possible way, which is certainly what he wanted.

In fairness, Scandal phone sex has a couple of advantages that our real-world phone sex is lacking. First, the man on the phone is Tony Goldwyn. He could call me with time, date and weather, and I don’t think I’d need anything more explicit from him.

Hellooooo, Felipe! Click to buy.

Hellooooo, Felipe! Click to buy.

Because more is more on prime time, though, Scandal gives us the benefit of screenwritten phone sex. It’s easy to take things like that for granted on television … right up until one has real-world, unscripted phone sex for the first time. No one on television has ever created a long silence by wondering if now is the time to start with the phone sex — unless that’s the entire point.

Without a Hollywood-hot voice on the other end of the line, and without professionally written dialogue, it’s still possible to keep the daily check-in call smoking hot. All we need to do is lead up to the sexy part. Foreplay always matters, right? Phone sex starts with phone seduction, which means that the party who called should shoulder the burden. None of this “What would you do if I were watching TV on the couch with you?” nonsense. I’d keep watching TV on the couch, dude; you called me. #ByeFelipe.

Phone sex makes me think of Nicholson Baker’s Vox. Even if Monica Lewinsky gave it to Bill Clinton as a present, even if it opens with that question (“What are you wearing?”), even if the whole story is two people on a phone sex line, Vox is still a big deal for me. Sexy, sophisticated, and a good time. Definitely worth looking into.

And while you’re ducking the mainstream, go get your copy of The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires. Vanilla will still be there when you get back, I promise.  Are you coming to our facebook party? Here’s your invite: https://www.facebook.com/events/757463174327006/

5 Responses to “Party (of Two) Line: Hot, Scandalous Phone Sex”

  1. Elizabeth SaFleur November 9, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    The Scandal phone sex scene was amazingly hot for a show that must follow FTC rules. “So you could taste yourself..” was brilliant on the writer’s part. (At that point I hoped he had a secure line.) Now I have to go look up Vox!

    Like

    • Alexa Day November 9, 2014 at 8:43 pm #

      Yeah, I remember wondering early on in the phone sex whether Fitz meant to kiss Olivia above or below the waist first. And I thought, “Well, it’s not quite 10 on network TV, so we’ll just have to use our imaginations.” And then we didn’t! I love that. 🙂

      Definitely check out Vox. It’s one of the books that made me want to write what I write.

      Like

  2. Madeline Iva November 9, 2014 at 8:31 am #

    I *loved* Vox. Very inspiring and real and fun. Probably the best thing he’s written.
    I think the major problem with phone sex is etiquette. Unless you and your lover have the luck of always orgasming at the same time, someone’s going to hit the finish line first. It’s important for that person who gets there first to remember their partner and…keep it going. But that’s true with any kind of sex, yes? It’s just my experience has taught me that when that other person isn’t with you in the room, you may forget for a second that there’s still some unfinished biz.

    Meanwhile, sexting is all about foreplay–because typing while getting off it mighty tricky. But how do they manage it online? Check out this post to discover how virtual world types have sex… https://ladysmut.com/2012/11/15/teledildonics-qa-with-nara-malone/

    Like

    • Alexa Day November 9, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

      You know, as much as I believe in a code of conduct, I’m a Southern girl first. And in the South, ladies come first. The man who precedes a lady is no gentleman at all. 😉

      Like

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