Bah Humbug

Your festival does not amuse.

by C. Margery Kempe

My birthday is next week and the present I got myself is returning to Scotland which is all the gift I really need. I understand the need people have to replay all those crap holiday songs — I prefer a John Waters Christmas. I know people will relive their childhood with various holiday specials — they never play ones I actually like such as A Wish for Wings that Work. And holiday movies? Don’t get me started. I will slap you if you suggest Love Actually [glares]; I prefer a very different sort of holiday film experience.

When the Xmas season kicks in about August who isn’t sick of it by now? I refuse to have anything to do with Xmas until after my birthday and anyway my holiday is Yule on the solstice so it’s just for family that I celebrate Xmas. Admittedly now with kids in the picture I remember why people get all sentimental and sweet and there’s the tree and their happy faces and my sweetie cooking Xmas dinner in the kitchen and everybody smiling and cheery and relaxed, so it is kind of nice and the tree is so pretty even with Picachu on top of it and —

Hey, wait a minute. I was supposed to be grumpy. I am grumpy. I still have grading to do.

Jingle your own damn bells.

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  • Kemberlee
    December 12, 2014 at 5:10 am

    I think you’re absolutely right. I’ve been hearing a lot of people saying they can’t get into the holiday spirit, but they forget, Xmas has been foisted upon us since August. If we could maintain the ‘Xmas spirit’ for five months, we should be working in Santa’s workshop with the Elves! No one can maintain the spirit that long. Especially people who work in year-round Xmas shops who want nothing to do with it all on the actual day.

    You’re absolutely right to hold out until after your birthday. It’s very natural. And I love the present you’re giving yourself! Well deserved 🙂

  • Barbara Mikula
    December 12, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Puhleez, you can’t enjoy Thanksgiving and Halloween for the Christmas carols already playing. It’s all driven by the almighty dollar and it gets a lot annoying. Rant over. It is fun to watch the kids open their presents, and my good friend Eileen spearheaded a drive for presents (an outfit and toy in a gift bag marked for gender and size) for Head Start kids in her area. Now that is something to celebrate. – Skye Michaels

  • Madeline Iva
    December 12, 2014 at 9:56 am

    I’m just shocked and thrilled to learn that someone else doesn’t like Love Actually. What a waste of Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson. It’s shocking! It should really be called Love Actually Really F***** Up — blerg!

    You’re such a lovable grinch, CMK. I’m glad you’re feeling all the good stuff despite Christmas Creep. You remind me of Larry David accepting his Emmy. “But I’m still bald,” he said. Glad you get to see your loved ones verrrah soon.

    • C. Margery Kempe
      December 12, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      I’m well overdue for a visit home. And my sweetie will likely want to watch LA at some point and I will do it and channel my poorly developed sense of romance to enjoy it.

      • C. Margery Kempe
        December 12, 2014 at 5:31 pm

        Because it’s still better than the schmaltz overload that is The Boat that Rocked.


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