Is Seduction Dead? No. Not Yet.

When did this become Point B? (Image by Pavalache Stelian)
When did this become Point B?
(Image by Pavalache Stelian)

By Alexa Day

Long ago, I briefly dated a man called Bob. Bob was not his name, mind you. But it is what my wingwoman and I called him.

Bob was not the sort of man I usually dated. He was far more established and more successful and more confident than the guys I was used to, and I dated some pretty successful, confident guys. But I couldn’t sort out whether I was attracted to Bob — or attracted enough to him. That confusion was interesting, in a way, after I’d gotten used to being sure right away, and it freed me to concentrate more on whether I was enjoying Bob’s company instead of sizing him up as a sex partner.

In other words, I had no idea at all where things were going with Bob, and I liked that.

My wingwoman — and let me pause to say that all single women should find an experienced wingwoman as soon as possible — asked me at one point how things were going with Bob. I told her what I’ve just told you.

“Would you sleep with Bob?” she asked.

If you are single, you must have a wingwoman because she will ask, and force you to answer, these questions.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not opposed to the idea.”

She leaned forward onto the table between us. “Could you be seduced into it?”

Well. That question turned everything around for me. The subject of idle curiosity and speculation blossomed into something more exciting and secretive. Seduction was an option I hadn’t considered at all.

Sadly, things fell apart with Bob before we came to that. My suspicion is that I was far less established and less successful and less confident than the women he was used to, although he was far too graceful to say so. My wingwoman’s question remained: could I be seduced?

Today, I have another question, one I asked on another blog almost 18 months ago.

Is seduction dead?

I don’t think so.

But seduction is not doing so well. No one is making predictions, but I would suggest that if you have something to say to seduction, you should set aside some time to clear the air. Soon. There might not be much time left.

To get at what happened to seduction, I want to look at what seduction is.

Seduction is, at its best, a negotiation. It’s the trip from not being sure to yes and from yes to oh, yes! But like the saying goes, seduction is a journey and not a destination. And if we’re lucky, seduction takes time. The seducer needs to convince us that he’s the man capable of providing abundant sexual pleasure. A skilled practitioner knows dozens of ways to do this. A slow dance, to make you aware of the way you might move together. The right meal, to pay homage to your senses. The conversation you have in the back of the restaurant proves he’ll supply sublime pillow talk afterwards. These things don’t pile up in a rush because anticipation is part of seduction. Seduction works because both parties have time to think about it when they’re apart.

The modern era hasn’t killed seduction yet, but it’s trying.

Few people regard uncertainty as the beginning of a journey anymore. For a while there, the news was filled with stories of men who wouldn’t take no, no thanks, or silences of longer than a few seconds as an answer. The gray area between yes and no is no longer a fertile playground for seduction. Women don’t always feel safe there, and it’s not a comfortable place for men these days, either.

Added to that, technology’s capability for instant communication has sapped what little remains of seduction’s vitality. The process that used to take forever has been reduced to an opening text, a dick pic, a referendum on the pictured dick, and a response to that response.

But no one is unsure anymore. No one has time to be unsure. No one feels comfortable with uncertainty. Few people are intrigued by uncertainty.

Without uncertainty, seduction cannot survive.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe seduction is only sleeping. Maybe it’s holding its eyes closed, waiting for me to lean way over it to see if its breath will leave a wisp of mist on a mirror.

I can only hope. Seduction loves hope, and missed opportunity makes it so, so sad.

In the meantime, consider what seduction has done for you. And follow Lady Smut. We’ve got all sorts of excitement in store for you.

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  • Post authorKel

    Seduction is only dead for people who do not understand how and why to actually play the game. All interpersonal interaction is at some level seduction… or should be if it’s done correctly. And the end result of a successful seduction isn’t sex, it’s pleasure. So the dinner isn’t a means to an end, it’s an end in and of itself… it might also be a step along the journey to a sexual relationship, but someone who knows what they are doing will make each step an exploration of delight.

    I am reminded of a description I gave a younger woman of how to kiss someone she was interested in. She blinked at me, fanned herself with her hand and blurted out “That’s a KISS?”

    To which I replied “Yes. Done correctly, every slightest touch should make your partner focus entirely on you… to do that, you have to focus entirely on them. Take your time.”

    • Post authorAlexa Day

      Yeah, pleasure’s nice, isn’t it? And it’s important enough to enjoy slowly. 🙂

      Reply to Alexa Day
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    How did I miss this post? As it so happens, I spent a bit of time in a bathroom on New Year’s eyeing a book called The Art of Seduction — now the guy was making an argument that seduction in biz or in love is all about a certain skill set. You could even call it an recipe. One part fantasy, one part uncertainty, one part temptation. Alternate in layers, and simmer carefully over time until sizzling.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorAlexa Day

      I have a copy of that book, actually (how odd, and perhaps telling, that you found it in a bathroom). A special friend tipped me off to it after he loaned me his copy of The Game. The Art of Seduction is a really interesting read! I should pick it back up at some point and maybe consider reframing my business plan. 😉

      Reply to Alexa Day
  • Post authorAlexa Day

    Reblogged this on Alexa J. Day and commented:

    I feel better about the future of seduction now. At least I think I do.

    Reply to Alexa Day

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