Getting Bored With Getting Off: Men Who Hate Porn

14 Jan

young couple in bedBy Elizabeth Shore

We’re celebrating the release this week of Alexa Day’s short story, 1-800, about a guy whose home shopping takes a decidedly erotic turn when he discovers it’s filled with porn. Oh yea! Swipe your card and spank your bishop all in one convenient place. Seems like it would be every guy’s dream, right? In Alexa’s story it certainly is. After all, guys like porn the way kittens like yarn balls – with unabashed gusto.

According to studies, the average man spends 40 minutes a week or 35 hours a year looking at porn. In a lifetime it equates to three months of a man’s life. That’s a lotta porn. We’ve had healthy debates here on Lady Smut about whether or not porn is a good thing. But no matter which side of the argument you fall, there are millions and millions of people who, every day, are happily watching naked strangers getting shagged. Globally, it’s a $97 billion dollar industry. Well, slap me silly! Somewhere along the line, I ended up in the wrong day job. But despite those mega billions numbers, turns out there are some guys who don’t want to beat their meat in front of the computer screen. They even claim – newsflash! – that porn bores them.

Porn – boring? Among the words I’d use to describe it, that’s not what initially springs to mind. Not even in the top 10, to be honest. But for some guys, watching paint dry is more riveting.

In an interesting article on sabotagetimes.com, the writer cited 10 reasons why he’s bored with porn. Some of his objections were not all that surprising. The predictibility of it, seeing the same tropes over and over, a mind-numbing parade of saucy nurses and ding-bat secretaries getting screwed by meathead pizza delivery men and construction workers. He objected to the objectification of women – good on you, dude – and his eyes also glaze over by the lack of build-up. Straight to the bonking is boring even for some guys. But what I found most surprising about his list was the #1 reason, which is … wait for it … gaping a**holes.

Say what?! A wide-open rectum put him on a fast train to dullsville? I find that oddly curious. Putting aside the discussion of porn and the degradation of women – since that’s a topic to fill an entire year’s worth of posts – I could cite plenty of reasons to dislike the money shot being a big ol’ gaping back door. For one thing, it’s not sexy to look at. It’s not just me, is it? I mean, c’mon. If porn’s objective is to arouse, a cavernous keister is about as sexy as a dead slug. In other words, not sexy. For some guys I suppose it drives home their sense of virility, i.e., “look at the damage my Johnson can do!” So in a grudging way I suppose I get why some would want to see that. But to call it boring is puzzling. Gross, maybe. About as hot as ice cubes. But boring?

Luckily for us, Alexa’s fine short story contains no dull tropes, and no gaping back doors. It’s an erotic romance about a guy discovering two sexy women on a home shopping channel and realizing how he can replicate that same sexy fun at home with his fiance. Enjoy!1-800_MSR

Oh, by the way dear Lady Smut readers — We’re on a blog tour this week! As we roam across the world we’ll be delving into the dark temptations of our anthology. Stop by and visit us in the comments section and say ‘hi’.  🙂

12th January: http://locglin.blogspot.com/

13th January: http://yougottaread.com

14th January: http://kdgrace.co.uk

15th January: http://www.lovebitessilkties.co.uk/

16th January: http://www.pinkypollock.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

4 Responses to “Getting Bored With Getting Off: Men Who Hate Porn”

  1. Alexa Day January 14, 2015 at 8:48 am #

    I love this post! Friends, I will make you this brand promise today: so long as I am working, I will never write a gaping orifice. Ever.

    EVER. 🙂

    Honestly, though, you’ve got me thinking hard (Dude! This is my first heyo! in way too long! Heyo!) about the male audience. Hmm. That should keep me smiling all day today.

    You ladies enjoy your tour!

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore January 14, 2015 at 12:09 pm #

      It’s funny – if guys don’t like gaping orifices, and we ladies certainly don’t, they why the heck do they keep showing up??

      Like

      • Alexa Day January 14, 2015 at 10:58 pm #

        I wonder. Certainly there’s a plastic surgery to prevent it now.

        Like

      • Kel January 15, 2015 at 11:48 am #

        Because special effects in movies cost money, and a lot of porn is about making money, not spending it. Also human bodies need time to recover from trauma, and making porn has to be pretty physically traumatic.

        Like

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