Pussy Footing Around

4 Feb

Couple kissing, red bra, panties

By Elizabeth Shore

So here we are a week and a half away from Valentine’s Day and lots of us are thinking, dang. What could I get this year that would really show him my love? It could be something of the romantic variety. A beautiful card. His favorite cologne. A cozy sweater. Or maybe you prefer to walk on the sexy side. A pack of flavored condoms, perhaps a naughty board game for two. But what about if your man happens to be one who starts panting like a dog in heat at the sight of your pretty toes? Aside from making certain your pedicure’s up to date, how can you please your foot fantasizing guy? Well, my friends, never fear. The vajankle is here.

OMG - The horror! Courtesy Sinthetics

OMG – The horror!
Courtesy Sinthetics

I bet I know what you’re thinking. WTF???!! What is that?! Right? When a friend first showed me a picture of the vajankle, I thought I was looking at a horror movie prop. If only I could burn my eyes out with acid so I could forever unsee this revolting piece of silicone. And honestly, that’s what’s most perplexing to me. The vajankle has to be the least sexiest sex toy I’ve ever had the misfortune of coming across.

Let’s start with the obvious. Vaginas don’t grow on ankles! The vajankle looks so freaky that it’s like something you’d see in a medical book about horribly unfortunate birth defects. The open, gaping vagina planted right at the stump of the foot is about as natural as a penis with a tongue growing out of it. (And please, if there is such a thing, don’t show me a picture. I’m already scarred from the vajankle).

And what about those toes? Are they sexy? Pretty? When I look at them the only thought going through my mind is that somebody needs a toenail clippers – stat! Isn’t that fourth digit a hammer toe? So weird to be included on a foot fetish toy. Yet I’m a girl, so what do I know? Maybe guys really do find this sexy. I decided to poll a few male friends to get their reaction.

“There is NOTHING sexy about it,” one of my guy friends exclaimed, going on to add, “Even if I had a serious foot fetish, I can’t imagine having sex with this thing… I’m pretty open, but it’s kind of disturbing!” Another perplexed male commented on how totally unnatural it was to have a vagina on an ankle, and that it harkened back memories of the “fleshlight” that was all the rage a few years ago. (click on the link only if you dare, my friends. Only if you dare). A third said simply, “It looks like an amputation.”

Despite the reactions of general abhorrence I’ve gotten from men and women alike after showing pictures of the vajankle, if you decide that it’s just what the doctor ordered for your foot-loving guy, there are options to make it extra special for him. Instead of a French pedicure, the vajankle’s toes could be painted a pretty cherry red, for example. You can choose from a variety of flesh tones. And you can have that stumpy ankle a little longer. More vajeg than vajankle.

The fun thing about sex toys is how a couple can use them together in their love play. But the vajankle really strikes me as more of a solo venture. I’m going to hazard a guess that a guy who wants to f**k a foot wants to do it alone.

What do you think? Would your guy like a vajankle? And – big question, if so … would you get one for him? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below. And while you’re at it, dive in with both feet and follow us at Lady Smut. Our posts will be sure to keep you on your toes.

 

 

16 Responses to “Pussy Footing Around”

  1. Geneva Decroix February 4, 2015 at 4:17 am #

    I’m laughing so hard here… that was… well… wow. The vajankle just cannot be unseen, once it has been seen. 😀

    I’ve had guys who loved to kiss my feet (no idea why as they aren’t particularly pretty, IMO) but this is taking that to a whole new level.

    Like

    • Kelly Janicello February 4, 2015 at 6:37 am #

      Right there with you! I understand a shoe fetish but a foot fetish not so much. My feet are ticklish so anyone looking to go near them they risk getting kicked in the face.

      Like

      • Kel February 4, 2015 at 12:47 pm #

        It’s because feet, like hands, are highly sensitive. If you’ve ever had a lover give you a really good foot rub, you might appreciate your feet a bit more. Of course, a really good hand massage is about as good, and more socially acceptable.

        Perhaps that’s the draw. Some people are really attracted to things that other people find questionable.

        Like

    • Elizabeth Shore February 4, 2015 at 10:27 am #

      I know what you mean. It’s fascinating to me that some guys find it sexy. Mind you, I wasn’t able to identify any of them, but then again, if you’ve purchased the vajankle would you really fess up to it??

      Like

  2. Kelly Janicello February 4, 2015 at 6:35 am #

    Yeah so this pic has not grown on me since I first saw it. The sentiment WTF is simply an understatement. If any guy I was with…. NO! Just no. It looks like a prop from Jaws. Nothing sexy about it. I am still shuddering, however out of a sick curiosity I am actually wondering how many sales the company has.

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore February 4, 2015 at 10:29 am #

      Prop from Jaws!! That’s hilarious. For me it’s got that same distressful yet undeniable pull as a car wreck from which you can’t look away … but then oh how sorry you are that you looked to begin with!

      Like

  3. Madeline Iva February 4, 2015 at 8:40 am #

    My eyes! My eyes!!! Aaaaaaaaagh!

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore February 4, 2015 at 10:31 am #

      Just tell yourself it’s all in the interest of keeping our readers informed. How we suffer to bring the stories! – hahaha

      Like

  4. Alexa Day February 4, 2015 at 8:50 am #

    I pride myself on being a pretty open-minded person, but … well … that is kind of distressing.

    Actually, no, you know what? It’s gross. If dino porn is gross and Bigfoot porn is gross and I’m not okay with Gronkowski porn, then I can be okay calling this … thing … gross.

    Like

  5. elfahearn February 4, 2015 at 12:08 pm #

    That is perhaps, the nastiest thing, (and I emphasize THING) I’ve ever seen. Who thinks up this stuff?

    Like

    • Kel February 4, 2015 at 12:36 pm #

      People without art degrees… 🙂

      Seriously, there are a lot of people who have no concept of design or why it’s important. They have a good idea (“Fetish toy”) and very bad results (“Looks like The Thing’s cousin from the Addams Family – as a sex toy”).

      Like

    • Elizabeth Shore February 4, 2015 at 5:42 pm #

      Apparently a customer approached the company who ultimately designed it and specifically asked for it. So there’s someone out there who not only wants it, but wanted it so badly that he came up with his own custom idea. And oh yes, I’m betting the farm that it was a he …

      Like

  6. Kel February 4, 2015 at 12:30 pm #

    I would have thought that the maker of this toy would have gone for two feet pressed together so that one was… ah… interacting with/between the soles.

    Not only do I think it would have been more just visually appealing, but I think the realism-of-posture would have avoided the WHOA-Uncanny-Valley that’s making us all look sideways at this toy.

    But what do I know. Perhaps this toy is specifically for people with amputation fetishes…

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore February 4, 2015 at 5:44 pm #

      Well, yes. That’s not a bad idea. Some guys do find their pleasure between the soles of their lover’s pretty feet. So that’ cool. But to have the vajayjay planted on the ankle. It’s just … well. Just no.

      Amputation fetishes? Please tell me you’re joking!

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Getting Off On A Perfectly Fake Man | Lady Smut - December 7, 2016

    […] two years ago I blogged about the vajankle, a custom horror movie prop sex toy made by Sinthetics, the world’s leading manufacturer of […]

    Like

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