My Lady Porn Manifesto

5 Feb
Use your imagination to fill in the rest.  Credit: the halifaxjungle.tumblr.com

Use your imagination to fill in the rest. Credit: the halifaxjungle.tumblr.com

By Madeline Iva

WHAT IS LADY PORN?

The other day I took an unofficial survey of the LadySmut crew asking if they liked porn.  The answers I got back were: Yep. Nope. Meh. and Yes, if by porn you mean gay or feminist porn.  Then I asked Kiersten Hallie Krum, who said: Uh, I like Lady Porn.

Lady porn? Lady PORN!!!! Wha?  What the hell is KHK talking about? Suddenly I knew exactly what she meant. She meant Victoria Dahl’s Tumblr Blog. (OMG, I lurv it so bad.) She meant Amber Lin’s Erotica Pinterest board (ditto).  She meant what people have in the past perhaps called erotic photography or whatever.

Lady porn is about a sense of mood, as much as anything else.

Lady porn is about a sense of mood, as much as anything else.

Which is not the same thing as porn at all.  We all know porn when we see it. I call this ‘classic porn.’ (No, C. Margery Kempe, I’m not including gay or feminist porn.)

LADY PORN VS. ‘CLASSIC PORN’

Here are even more examples of Lady Porn.  So is Lady Porn it so different from porn-porn? Hell yeah!  It’s pro-sex, woman-positive, and visually oriented. I admit ‘classic’ porn arouses my lady bits (sometimes), but it also usually leaves me feeling emotionally empty and ick.  It’s a visceral reaction–I’m not even saying it’s about any intellectual/feminist stance.  It just doesn’t work for me.  Many, many women–and even men, to be honest–feel the same way I do.  There’s a joke that goes: “Anticipating the woman’s erotic fulfillment as a sexual equal…was in no porno ever.”

So how is Lady Porn different?  Let me count the ways.

  • We're not actually seeing people having sex--but we can imagine we are.

    We’re not actually seeing people having sex–but we can imagine we are.

    shows the part and not the whole (engages the imagination to fill in the whole) both in contemplative moments of pause during a relationship & or sex act

  • shows sensuality and passion–not just sexuality
  • shows emotive feeling as the visual focus
  • focus on fantasy of sex vs. the biology of sex
  • also shows love & connection, people in a relationship–innocent, loving, carefree, happy
  • invokes a sense of identification with the woman from an interior perspective (how lingerie feels on her body vs. how it entices a viewer –though enticing can be thrown into the mix too)
  • Arty as all git – black and white, or soft focus.
  • About 10 – 15 % focus on postures of women’s sex parts—usually the booty–displayed for a sexual fantasy or encounter–either for rear penetration or for spanking
  • Less than 5% show of power relationships/women in bondage get up

The ultimate key to Lady Porn is context. Ask yourself: could I see this on the wall of some student art show at a university? If the answer 8 times out of 10 is yes, then yer lookin’ at Lady Porn.

LADY PORN VS ‘ARTY PORN’

Retro-lingerie is SO Lady Porn.  JM Keep's tumblr blog is NOT.

Retro-lingerie is SO Lady Porn. JM Keep’s tumblr blog is NOT.

Finally, let us not confuse Lady Porn with what I’ll call “arty porn”.  I found some last year unexpectedly on Tumblr.  You see, Joshua Keep posted a bit of lady porn on One Handed Writers– (See photo to your right.) And he’s like: I use these erotica photos to inspire me to write short erotica stories.  Go check it out. And I’m like, cool, retro-lingerie. Then I click on his link, expecting it’ll be lingerie stuff.  Instead I was like, WHOA Nelly! So if you want an example of some “arty porn” by means of comparison to Lady Porn, here it is– Tumblr blog of JMKeep.  (Do NOT look at this if you really dislike porn.  It’s SERIOUSLY PORN.)

Note with this Tumblr 4 page post:

  • We have full on sexual penetration
  • explicit shots of the private bits
  • the whole physical act going on (and no condoms either, tsk-tsk!)
  • Though some photos are arty–i.e. black and white–there’s nothing really left to the imagination here.
  • The primary focus is clearly skewed towards the external, the sexual, the thrusting and the licking.

So.

It's about love too, dammit.

It’s about love too, dammit.

THE LADY PORN MANIFESTO:

For those of us who like the idea of unrestrained sex and emotional connection–  

For those of us who find ‘just sex’ leaves us cold and uninterested, indifferent, and bored–  

For those who take refuge in our dreams and our imaginary lovers, savoring how they satisfy our bodies and our hearts–  

For those who appreciate the small gestures between two people as revealing the whole of one’s mind–ever-alert to the inner tilt of intuition pointing like a finger towards hidden love, attraction, tenderness, attachment and heartache– 

For those of us who affirm the lighter, more joyous side of men and women together–where friendship and innocent pleasures come along with our primal mating bond–

For those of us who dream of men that will anticipate and need our pleasure to complete their own–

We rejoice in the creation and dispersal of visual Lady Porn not only for what it does for us, but also for the way in which the artist’s models are treated and for how women are portrayed.

LONG LIVE LADY PORN!

Lady Porn affirms the sensuality of non-barbie doll bodies too.

Lady Porn affirms the sensuality of non-barbie doll bodies too.

Do you like Lady Porn? It’s not *really* porn, is it? But is is about sex and connection.  Leave your comments below.  I mean, yeah, we want to smack anyone up the head who says all women only like sex + feelings.  I know that’s not the case. Still.

NEXT WEEK: ‘woman porn’, #FridayManWars & Charlotte Stein.

OH AND HEY— Check us out this weekend  We’re going to host a Paranormal Tea Party:

Sun, Feb 8th

12pm – 1pm EST

at the #ROMANCE FESTIVAL 2015.

Joey Hill and Kate Douglas are our special guests!  Here’s a link where you can register:

http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/romance-festival-2015-tickets-15326821937

RomFest

Romance Festival is an online romance fest with facebook parties, twitter chats, google+ chats and other fun stuff. Check back here for the deets.

 

 

13 Responses to “My Lady Porn Manifesto”

  1. Kayla Lords February 5, 2015 at 6:03 am #

    Yep, lady porn is my thing. Every once in a while I’m drawn to something edgier, hard core, and clearly “just sex” but only as they fit within my own personal kinks and fantasies which can be dark at times.

    Like

  2. C. Margery Kempe February 5, 2015 at 6:32 am #

    I’d say it’s not porn. No sex, not porn.

    Like

    • Kel February 5, 2015 at 9:24 am #

      I was going to say “I’d call this ‘erotica’ which is different from porn…” So, yeah.

      Like

  3. Kemberlee February 5, 2015 at 6:53 am #

    20-25 years ago, erotica was much softer than it is today. The lines in romance and erotica have really shifted in that time. At one time, it was porn to write graphic bedroom scenes but erotic to allude to sex. Before, it was erotic to read about a woman taking a bath, through the author’s words feel the water and bubbles, smell the scent of the water, etc. These days, we want to read about the toys she’s taken with her and what she does with them. That was porn yesterday, erotica today. It’s expected that sex goes into romance today or it’s not romance. Lady porn or soft sex images hearkens back to the old erotica. Some of the photography is really nice, subtle and leaves much to the imagination. Blurring out a muff dive, to me, isn’t soft sex. It’s just clever photography, IMO.

    Like

    • Madeline Iva February 5, 2015 at 8:45 am #

      Yeah. I mean, really this is a pro-erotic romance stance through and through. It *is* about sex and it’s equally about connection. Erotica to my mind can be a very internalized state. I like the idea of a positive connection outward and inward.

      Like

  4. Liz Everly February 5, 2015 at 8:36 am #

    I think your manifesto is interesting, but more romance or erotica than porn. LOL. I guess I think of porn as really not much more than sex and/or titillation, no matter what the focus of the camera. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It is what it is. But (usually) nobody has time for romance or story, they just want to get off. Admittedly, it’s been a few years since I’ve watch porn and may be completely wrong. 😉

    Like

    • Madeline Iva February 5, 2015 at 8:45 am #

      It is what it is.

      Like

    • Kel February 5, 2015 at 9:36 am #

      Porn can be just sex and titillation, but it can also have elements of story and art and romance and still be porn; it’s just a lot harder to make. I think that’s what I would personally call “Lady Porn” – stuff more geared towards women that’s explicit; shows sex in all its glorious mess, and also shows the emotion between the participants, and even has a plot.

      Like

  5. Kel February 5, 2015 at 9:28 am #

    So, I enjoy art. I like art that evokes feelings in me… whether it’s a compulsion to stop and just experience a moment, or to get closer to examine brush strokes and techniques and then step back and get overwhelmed again by the effect, or it’s the desire to jump my partner… I like it all.

    Which means sometimes I like porn, sometimes I like erotica, sometimes I like to stare at leaves, and sometimes I get lost in the shadows of the drape of a piece of fabric across a stranger’s shoulders… which is really hard to explain if they catch me.

    Like

    • Madeline Iva February 5, 2015 at 3:08 pm #

      I like art too. I think porn is meant to arouse–no more no less. It’s great that there’s something else that’s sex — some sex, but also feelings, passions, moods, etc.

      Like

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