February 18, 2015

The Many Faces of Soul Mates

Young couple kissiing
Be my soul mate – for now

By Elizabeth Shore

So here we are with another Valentine’s Day having come and gone. The flowers may be looking a little wilted. Some of us ae still in recovery after having suffered through 50 Shades of Grey. The heart-shaped chocolate box is shamefully devoid of candy. But hey, for those in a romantic relationship at least the weekend was spent in the company of our soul mates, right? As it turns out, that’s so, even if you were just with your friends.

I’ve always thought, as many likely do, that the term “soul mate” refers to the person in your life who’s a unique combination of friend, confidante, and lover. Your ultimate romantic partner. If you subscribe to the notion of a soul mate, the definition above is one many take to heart. Your soul mate IS your heart. Your forever romantic partner. But spiritual teacher and soul guru Sara Wiseman says au contraire! Soul mates, she maintains, aren’t necessarily a romantic partner at all.

In an article Wiseman wrote entitled “Soul Mates – Beyond Romance,” she contends that the sole (ha!) purpose of soul matings are actually karmic crossings which exist to help you with your soul growth. Ooooh. Suddenly I’m feeling waaaay new age-y. Is that incense I smell? Who put on that Enya CD? But if you can manage to bust your way through the crystals and cosmos and channel your energy toward enlightenment, Wiseman does make some interesting points.

Her primary contention is that none of us have just one soul mate in life. In fact, she declares, everyone’s a soul mate on one level or another. The purpose of soul mates is to teach each other lessons to aid in spiritual growth. Primary soul mates are often linked romantically, but not always. Even when they are, it’s not necessarily for life. We shouldn’t feel as if we were mistaken in thinking we’d met our soul mates if the relationship ends. “Soul mates separate,” Wiseman writes, “when they have learned the lessons they were destined to learn together. Once you’ve completed the soul lessons you’ve been put together to learn, then the relationship is also complete. You’re ready to move forward and learn new lessons, with another partner.”

I came across an article in PsychologyToday.com stating that the “soul mate myth” is actually harmful. Professor Brad

All kinds of music, movies,, and books about soul mates
Music, movies, and books about soul mates abound

Wilcox of the University of Virginia conducted a study and found that 60% of men and women in the U.S. believe in the notion of a single romantic soul mate, yet the rate of divorce among such fervent believers is 150% greater than those of romantic skeptics. Interesting …

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking you’ve met “the one” while the relationship is in the honeymoon stage. Everything seems so perfect, the compatability is off the charts, and there’s no way no how anyone’s going to convince you that this man of your dreams isn’t also the man of your soul. Romance novels perpetuate this thinking since the hero and heroine always end up happily ever after, even in a menage. Then all three are blissfully happy, but blissfully happy within their unit. The idea of temporary couplehood, even if “temporary” means years and years, just doesn’t fly in today’s society. Once we’ve met our soul mates, romance blossoms and we’re happily ever after with that person and that person only, forever amen.

Here’s a problem, though. Many people who believe in the concept of a single soul mate – your “romantic destiny,” if you will, tend to think of their soul mates as perfection personified. Yet problems occur in every relationship, and the single soul mate seeker, according to a 1998 study by C.R. Knee, will grow disillusioned because the relationship isn’t quite as perfect as they expected and will tend to move on.

Just as there are different ways in which we love, I think there are different soul mates to receive and give that love. The idea of having multiple soul mates seems to me an awfully nice way to truly spread the love. Hey, can somebody pass me the peace pipe?

Tell us what you think. One soul mate per customer, or many for us all? Please share your comments below. In the meantime be sure to follow us at Lady Smut. And if you already are, bless your soul.


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  • Post authorelfahearn

    This is brilliant, Peachy. Your writing knocks me out! (Great reporting, too.)

    Reply to elfahearn
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Well, geez, Doll. Thanks so much! What a nice thing to say. 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorLiz Everly

    I don’t think I believe in a single soul mate. But I do think there is something to the theory that with each lifetime that we come back, we travel with the same souls. For me, it explains, a lot.

    Reply to Liz Everly
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Ooooh, you’ve got a reincarnation theory going on, Liz? Do tell!

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
      • Post authorLiz Everly

        Totally believe in it. I look to nature for most of my big questions. Nothings is ever really destroyed, it just changes form. Everything about reincarnation makes sense to me.

        Reply to Liz Everly
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    Enya! My v-day flowers have not faded, the lilies are just doing their thing almost right in my face cause I have them on my writing desk.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      I adore lilies! They’re my absolute favorite flower, especially the stargazer lilies. A big bouquet of those and I’m a happy girl.But wait … do you actually listen to Enya??

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
      • Post authorKel

        I think everyone should listen to a little Enya now and then… even if only to know that they normally don’t want to. 🙂

  • Post authorKel

    I think that there are people who are capable of being “the one” for each other, and that there are people are capable of being “a one” for each other… what’s the quote. A relationship for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

    It’s choice. People who want “the one” forget that love is a verb; you love actively, it doesn’t just passively happen to you. Love requires work.

    Which isn’t to say that the choice to love will make up for physical, ethical or emotional incompatibility in a relationship… sometimes, no matter how committed people are to loving each other, the relationship isn’t healthy enough to remain romantic. So for this reason, I think yes… there can be people who are wrong for each other… and by correlation people who are able to choose to be right for each other – in whatever configurations they choose.

    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      Yes … “the” one or “a” one … I think that nicely sums up what Sarah Wiseman was getting at.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore
  • Post authorSM Johnson

    I, too, believe more or less in reincarnation and that we “travel with the same souls” – as Liz Everly said. I met someone in recent years (I’m in my 40s) and felt immediately that I’ve been waiting for him for a long time. He felt similarly, and calls it “creche” and explained that “creche” is like the homeroom for souls – and you may not meet up with all your creche each go round, but when you do, you recognize them as creche immediately. Soul mates. We learn from each other. And we tend to find one another just exactly when we need each other the most, and while it’s often an intimate connection, it doesn’t have to be romantic.

    Reply to SM Johnson

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