Here’s a conversation I recently had with a male friend about a personal situation I’m dealing with.
Him: Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever said anything to Charlotte*
Me: Oh, I told her everything.
Him: (looking incredulous) Everything?!
Me: (incredulous that he’s so incredulous) Of course. I always tell her everything.
In the guy world, conversation between two men who’ve known one other their entire lives and consider each other best friends – not that they’d ever label it as such, but if pushed – may truly not go deeper than whether such and such coach should have his contract renewed. The idea of sharing anything even remotely resembling “feelings” is as scary to them as having to answer a spouse’s question about whether a skirt makes her look fat. Curiously enough, there could be physiological reasons behind why talking about feelings is so tough for guys. One of the best articles I’ve recently read on the topic points to the challenges men have in dealing physically with situations involving high emotion.
But feelings aside, men in general shy away from sharing information on their private lives, especially as it relates to their girlfriends/spouses. I’ve been told by men on more than one occasion that “wives are off topic” among guys. Oh sure, they can say stuff like, “My wife got a new job,” or “My girlfriend and I are planning a trip to the grand canyon.” But how about whether or not he thinks you’re good in bed? Or the part of your body he worships the most? Or a fight you two had? According to men I’ve asked, those topics among men are ABSOLUTELY VERBOTEN. But we women are the opposite. When we’ve got a good friend with whom we feel comfortable and know we can trust, there are few topics too private or too embarrassing or too dark that would compel us to intentionally keep them hidden from our bestie.
Unlike men, we women will talk with one another in detail about sexual encounters. Every move he made in the sack, how he looks naked, if he was able to bring about the big O – and if so, how he did it. Masturbation? Sure! How often you do it, when you do it, whether you use toys, which ones get you hot. Indeed sex is territory filled to the brim with delicious conversational opportunity. But one interesting/somewhat disturbing theory behind why we talk about sex with our female friends chalks it up to women’s intense competitiveness with one another.
I have to say, I don’t buy it. Women giving one another details about their men in the sack is boiled down to little more than bragging rights? Oh, you think the way he sucked your nipples was good? How about my guy going down south for over an hour! Nah, I don’t think so. It’s said that men communicate for a clear purpose – to solve a problem. Women communicate to explore our feelings and organize thoughts. We’re not looking for a solution; talking in and of itself is often all we need. That all makes sense, and I can completely accept the “exploring our feelings” rationale about why we talk so much about sex to one another, but I’ve never felt the need to boast about intimate encounters as if I’m coming away victorious in a sporting event. I’ll willingly fess up, however, that I’m fascinated when any of my friends recounts her sexcapades. Hey, it’s a story. Perhaps it simply appeals to the writer in me. Then again, maybe I just think I can learn something.
So how about it, ladies? When it comes to sex, do you share and share alike with one another? And if so, is it because you feel the need to gloat? Share your thoughts below – we love comments! – and be sure to follow us at Lady Smut. You know there’s no sex topic we don’t share.
*Charlotte’s name changed to protect her identity so she can keep telling me stuff