March 8, 2015

Size Does Matter. Doesn’t It?

Of course he's happy to see you, you perverts. Look at the size of that ... smile.
Of course he’s happy to see you, you perverts. Look at the size of that … smile.


By Alexa Day

The big news in science this week? It’s all about cold, hard facts.

Actually, in this case, we’re probably talking about hot, hard facts.

Thanks to science, we now know that the average erect penis size is a little over five inches long. Average erect girth runs about 4.6 inches. These numbers come from a gathering of about 20 studies, which examined more than 15,000 penises. The author of the study, quoted here in Men’s Journal, says there’s nothing terribly special about the study. “It’s a very simple study,” he said.

Oh, really? Fifteen thousand dicks, finally measured in one place, is no big deal? Maybe this has just been a slow news week. Maybe the weather has people trapped indoors, contemplating the deep questions about whether their bodies are normal. (I tend to think of this as a warm weather question, but hey, your kink is okay.) But whatever the reason, the news has been all over the definitive answer to the question of normal dick size. Sure, I expected to see coverage from GQ and Cosmopolitan and even CNN, but NPR passed along this very thorough story about the study, too. Not that NPR isn’t totally sexalicious. The judgmental trollop who lives in my head is just surprised, that’s all.

I don’t mean to minimize (heyo?) the importance of establishing an average dick size. You don’t have to be an expert to know that lots of men are a little wound up over the question of how big they are, in comparison to other men at large (heyo!) and the rivals they set up in their own minds. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear that plenty of men have wondered at one point or another whether they were bigger than Tom Brady or Shane Diesel or that guy at the gym.

My question, though, is not about why science isn’t addressing women’s body image issues in the same way. (I think I know why; I’m just not getting into it.) I’m not even going to ask why science is so involved in solving the great mystery of average dick size.

Here’s my question: Do women care what the average dick size is? Beyond idle curiosity, have we ever really cared what’s average?

When we’re choosing our partners, even the casual ones, we have no way of knowing how big they are. (The study debunks all the myths about the hand-foot-cock correlation.) Once that choice is made, well, we’re not likely to unmake it because of size. I would never tell you that size doesn’t matter — it definitely does — but it doesn’t matter as much as I think guys believe it matters. Technique matters more. Confidence matters more. Personality matters more. All the other little individual preferences we bring to bed matter more.

Even when we’re reading about a new book boyfriend (or even a book one night stand), are we paying lots of attention to how well endowed he is? Maybe I’m just not noticing, but aside from mentioning that he’s big enough, are authors dwelling on how big a man’s cock is any more than we focus on the rest of his body? Who has time to be hung up on size when there are so many other things to fantasize about?

Ultimately, I guess I’m happy to know what the average penis size is, just for the sake of knowing. I’m not sure it changes my day-to-day life all that much, but good for science for handling this weighty issue!

How much does size matter to you, though? You know you can tell all right down there in the comments. It’s for science.

And follow Lady Smut while you’re at it. We’ve got it and we know how to use it.

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  • Post authorKel

    Well, it does matter and it doesn’t.

    Too big is bad, but only if he’s not aware of it and doesn’t make up with lots of prep-work. Knocking an ovary is bloody painful. Anything else can be adjusted for, and when I say adjusted for, I mean position is paramount for putting bodies together, my lovelies.

    And being a not-small-human (5’10”, even if I never eat again, the average man isn’t picking me up during sex) means that positions are even more important. If I can’t hold myself in place, he’s certainly not going to unless he’s… well, one particular ex who makes me look petite and dainty, and even he wasn’t carrying me around for any length of time.

    So no. Penis size is less important than other considerations like “is he tall enough to ride this ride, or will he have to ride that one…” And yes, I’ve dated men who were shorter than me. Relative leg or torso length is more important than height, and both are more important than penis size. Hard to kiss someone without contortions if their mouth is out of reach.

    • Post authorAlexa Day

      Oh, but I *like* contortions. 😉

      Reply to Alexa Day
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    I once dated this guy whom I’ll just call Mondo Dave. MD had hardware with the girth of a good sized bar of ivory soap, and I just couldn’t go there. I couldn’t. I was young and it was almost traumatic to even consider. But do guys ever perseverate on that when getting all wrapped up in size? They do not.

    Nor do they get wrapped up in whether their penises are beautiful. But I’ve heard many women talk about ugly penises they’ve encountered and it seems to come up in conversation much more than size ever does. Just sayin’.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorAlexa Day

      I dated one who was longer than average and suffered from the misconception that all he had to do was show up. Um, no. I think he’d gotten used to women excusing all sorts of behavior because he was longer than average. I’m kind of a hard case; that wasn’t going to fly with me. We didn’t last long.

      I don’t know that I think dicks are beautiful so much as they are functional. In that regard, I guess they’re like feet. Sort of.

      Reply to Alexa Day
  • Post authorrandom guy

    just be glad that vag size or whatever isn’t beaten to death like dick size is…every time one of these idiotic size studies comes around (which seems like every 3 weeks or so) And every single time without fail guys are treated to slanderous vile vitriol all over the net with mandatory insults,judgements etc…women should think about that.Were talking sex organs here and its amazing the hate that comes out from alot of women whenever this topic is brought up.Women don’t want to be slut-shamed,fat-shamed whatever shamed but alot of them will unleash eternal hell whenever this topic comes up…jezebel,huff post,xo jane have slandered men on this topic and with regularity….and these sites are “feminist” sites hmmm go figure.

    Reply to random guy
    • Post authorMadeline Iva

      I know, right? Although I get the idea from some women that breast size gets the same raw treatment as dick size. Yes, there is a double standard that applies with men and dick shaming. And not just dicks, either. I’ve seen women talk about the horror of watching men cry (why are they being *so* emotional?) I’ve heard women talk in sneering ways about the boyfriend who doesn’t want as much sex as they do…I’ve heard women talk with relish about bullying some man to stay out of what they perceive as their space. It’s not equality until no one is getting harassed.

      Reply to Madeline Iva

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