Tease Him to Please Him


Garter beltBy Elizabeth Shore

Don’t touch me, please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I’m gonna pack my things and go
Tainted love (
bop! bop!) Tainted love …

Ah, “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell. An ’80s classic. I always thought that if I ever became a stripper (an odd fantasy I had in my youth), this would be my theme song. I’d sashay out in my skimpy sexy stripper clothes and slowly take them off while “Tainted Love” blares in the background, my hips swaying to the bop! bop! parts. It would be, I thought, the perfect strip tease song to tease the men. How they’d eat it up! ‘Cause men love the tease. Right?

That’s what I thought, anyway. But a recent lunch conversation with a male work colleague got me thinking. We were talking about women who date men they’re not necessarily super interested in. I maintained that we women need to explore our options. Just because we’re not head over heels in lust from second one doesn’t mean we won’t eventually get there. He scoffed it was all a load of nonsense and that women who do that are just teases. Hmmm, but don’t you men like being teased? Apparently, he said, only if we know we’re gonna get it in the end.

Well now. maintain that that’s a load of nonsense. Because if it were true, how do you explain the allure of strip clubs? Picture this: guy goes into a strip club. He’s going to see naked women. Lots of them. Presumably, he’s going to get aroused. But – also presumably – what he’s not going to get, at least not from the strippers strutting their stuff, is laid. They’ll only tease him, but they’re not going to please him. So why does he go?

In an article by our friends at AskMen.com, author Vanessa Burton states that men with whom she spoke say they love strip clubs not because they get frustratingly teased, bur rather for just the opposite reason: because there’s a 100% guarantee that they’re going to see women without their clothes on. Oh, OK. So they DO love to be teased. Except if it’s by a cock tease. You clear on that now?

Oh, those naughty cock teasers. Much worse than shameless flirts, cock teasing women are those who suggest, through words and geatures, that sex is an option, only to withdraw the perceived invitation at the critical moment and leaving the guy with a horrendous case of blue balls. But lest it be said that teasing’s only done by the gals, a study by researchers at the University of Texas, Austin, revealed that 43% of college-age men admitted to sexually teasing women. Why? Because 1) it turns them on; 2) they wanted to see how far they could get; 3) they wanted to have something to tell their friends. Vastly different reasons from why women say they do it, which is primarily because it gives them attention. They feel attractive, desireable, and in control.

This whole teasing thing seems to be a giant case of everybody using everybody, which frankly I find rather depressing. So much fluff, so little substance. I love the idea of doing a tease to please, but not if it’s founded on false pretense. Do we women crave attention so much that we’re willing to pretend we’ll put out all the while knowing we won’t? Hmmm. I’m sensing a future post.

In the meantime, as far as I’m concerned, if I’m going to start slooooowly pulling my clothes off and making my guy’s eyes glaze over with lust, it’s not just an appetizer – he’s getting the whole enchilada.

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4 Comments

  • Madeline Iva
    March 25, 2015 at 9:52 am

    Cock tease is such a crude, nasty term. In France they say coquette. MUCH nicer — and in France, obviously, they are more appreciative of teasing. Which brings me to flirting. My understanding is that in the U.S. we flirt to get somewhere–OR a woman is teasing– whereas in Europe flirting is an art form all to itself that means nothing. It’s all about the means, not the end.

    • Kel
      March 25, 2015 at 10:57 am

      Exactly.

      I think there’s something wrong with the assumption that flirting isn’t an end to itself. Flirting is fun, flirting is a thing complete and enjoyable for itself.

      But then, I like strip routines for their artistry and athleticism. I might not be the usual audience.

      • Alexa Day
        March 25, 2015 at 11:17 pm

        I’m part of the same unusual audience, Kel! Strip dance, especially for women, is mostly about dance, to my mind. And such a workout, too.

        I didn’t think I’d ever come to a place where flirting was fun for me, especially since I don’t much enjoy dating, and I thought the two were interconnected. Bartending changed my mind. For bartenders, flirting is part of the job, so I had to learn to do it well. I was really surprised to discover I enjoyed it.

        With regard to teasing, though, I think it’s really about being in the present (and maybe the immediate past). It’s frustrating if we’re thinking of what will/will not happen. If we stay present — right now, that shirt is coming off — the experience is different.

  • elfahearn
    March 25, 2015 at 10:09 am

    I think men like it when women pay attention to them as much as women like it. I knew this woman who spent oodles of money on her clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Yes, she did it partially to please herself, but the men loved her because the show was mostly for them.

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