One Small Implant for a Woman, One Giant Orgasm for Womankind?

5 Apr
Giggling about the Orgasmia? Dr. Feelgood says to check your presumptions.

Giggling about the Orgasmia? Dr. Feelgood says to check your presumptions.

By Alexa Day

Technology is awesome.

I’m mesmerized by the Apple Watch. I’m super stoked about the electric car. (I’d rather have one that flies, but you know, other drivers.) I even love the occasional throwback, like that time medieval medicine killed the MRSA superbug. Prithee, superbug, what saith thou?

Even as the world advances, though, I have to ask one important question.

Who’s asking for the surgically implanted vibrator?

In case you’re hearing about this for the first time from me, medical science has now made it possible for women to have a vibrator surgically implanted inside their bodies. As I write this, this procedure is available from exactly one doctor in Beverly Hills, and it costs about $6500, which I think is pretty reasonable for such a thing. The implant goes against the legs of the clitoris, it has Bluetooth connectivity, and implantation is an outpatient procedure.

My first thought was that I need to be able to microwave metal utensils a hell of a lot more than a surgically implanted vibrator.

But let’s really think this through.

Is there a class of patients out there who need an internal vibrator? Yes. I think there must be.

Quite some time ago, the FDA approved a vibrator for use by men who had difficulty maintaining an erection. (It costs about $300 and did not require implantation, but I’m not going to complain about that here.) Is it really so unreasonable to think that the implanted vibrator serves a similar class of women affected by female sexual dysfunction?

I’m grateful to live in a world where a woman can obtain a vibrator in any size and shape conceivable by the imagination. We even have sex toys now that will allow us to photograph the interior of our vaginas, although the recreational purpose for that is also a mystery to me. (Again, I see doctors all over something like that.) I definitely think that with enough patience and a large enough budget, most women could find something that will suit their needs and achieve orgasm with the help of a toy. Apparently, doctors have also prescribed topical treatment to facilitate orgasm for women.

But that’s not for everyone. We may never know how many women are in this situation, but I have no doubt that lots of women have honestly tried everything and are still unable to reach orgasm. Still more women cannot climax for other reasons, like antidepressant use. I would think the surgically implanted vibrator is a discreet option for female sexual dysfunction. By offering women the chance to control the vibration while removing the impediment of a toy, the implanted vibrator is poised to make real waves in the treatment world.

I’ll be frank — medical science is not doing nearly enough to treat female sexual dysfunction. Personally, I think it’s because medical science isn’t taking female sexuality seriously, and it never has. I’d like to see medicine continue to make strides like this.

But it’s easy to giggle at the implanted vibrator, isn’t it? It’s made by a company called the Fun Factory, after all. They call it Orgasmia, which sounds like something right out of a slut-shameful sixties sci-fi movie. Both Bustle and Jezebel are covering it, but in the context that they’re sure glad they don’t need or want something like that.

Let’s go back to my original question.

Who’s asking for the surgically implanted vibrator?

I hope someone is. And if not, I hope there’s another breakthrough in the future.

Follow Lady Smut. We keep it coming.

5 Responses to “One Small Implant for a Woman, One Giant Orgasm for Womankind?”

  1. Madeline Iva April 5, 2015 at 7:07 pm #

    I could just see this going so wrong in SO many ways. Like very interesting dark erotica sci-fi fantasy ways…because all I can think of is this: say you’re a woman with an implanted vibrator. Say some evil hot guy gets a hold of the ‘switch’ that controls the thing. Then what? THEN WHAT READERS?

    Like

    • Alexa Day April 6, 2015 at 1:37 pm #

      Well, in a way, the result would be the “Click” series by Milo Manara. In that case, the implant was in the woman’s brain, but perhaps Manara will move it now, if he hasn’t already.

      It is cause for concern, though. It’s not all that difficult to hijack phone signals. I’m not sure how automakers are making them reasonably secure for their remote control systems, but it’s not hard to take one of them over for a while.

      Like

  2. Elizabeth Shore April 6, 2015 at 10:32 am #

    Your main question is the thrust (heh) of it all: who’s asking for it? It’s easy enough to buy a vibrator and they come in small enough sizes that a gal can carry one around in her purse if she’s in need of a quick fix. So why in the world would anyone need to implant a vibrator? I can’t imagine it makes your vajayjay look nicer, as in the case of breast implants, for e.g. I, personally, can think of many other uses for $6,500.

    Like

    • Alexa Day April 6, 2015 at 1:40 pm #

      The only reason I can think of is that orgasm would otherwise be out of reach (oh, wow, sorry). As a last resort, it’s not an awful idea, although I’d like to see it a little closer to mainstream medicine first. Really, how much is $6500 if an implant represents the last hope for orgasm?

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Get You Some, SugarPlum! | Lady Smut - December 22, 2015

    […] Looking for last-minute gifts? Have you considered robot sex … while you still can? How about an Orgasmia? […]

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