By Madeline Iva
I was out with a successful romance writing friend on a Friday night. (You know who you are–leave a comment below if you want to identify yourself) She was on a rampageous tear about BILLION-BEAR, a romance by Luna Noir (Luna Noir is also a popular name for a lot of sex toys out there, google the name and see for yourself).
Which is maybe different from BEAR-LLIONAIRE – by Terry Bolryder (Terry Bullrider?) Which may still be different still from the specific book my friend actually mentioned that reached up into the small digits (52? 152?) on Amazon recently.
It became the punchline to her every joke, until she was just saying it randomly, like an absurdist koan.
Should we take a right at the light?
Think we should leave a bigger tip?
I don’t know. WWBB, Madeline.
(What would bear billionaire do? Leave a bigger tip, obviously.)
I thought Outlander was bad—time traveling, historical, Scottish highland, romance adventure novel that it is, but no, here’s a –wait for it — Bear billionaire bbw paranormal werebear shifter erotic romance.
That’s just so specific. So very specific. And there’s pages and pages and pages of it on Amazon to scroll through. Obviously people love this stuff. Why? Why? Why?
People. This is why romances writers are looked down upon. Do we care? Yes, we care.
No, I don’t really care. Until you say that writing romances is anti-feminist. Them’s fightin’ words, missy.
These bear billionaire authors—they’re probably laughing all the way to the bank.
And Is it wrong that I love it in a post-ironic-over-the-top-cray-cray sort of way?
And why is it always bbw?
Rachel Kramer Bussel says bbw is a sort of lewd term. I did not know that. Well, if she says it is I believe her, because she is an editor of sexy anthologies who knows her erotica terms cold. Maybe it’s lewd because it’s only ever used in terms of sex–never in terms of anything else. Like MILF. But ladies, I get so very bored with the term ‘curvy’. Rubenesque? Bleh. I like the idea of a curvy woman acronym – so let’s make up our own.
How about Uber-curvy Hottie? Example: “I love Nigella Lawson, she’s such a UCH.”
I have more questions.
Are these bear billionaire books bbw because the idea is that the bbw heroine is too big herself for a more lithe shifter mate?
Another question: in gay porn/romance/culture they talk about bears and cubs by which they usually mean big hairy guys. Is bearllionaire big i.e. large and strapping? Is he burly? Or is he big as in fat? Or big as in big hairy biker, like some guy (not Charlie) from Sons of Anarchy? Is this trend the beginning of a fat-acceptance phase in romance-land?
Probably not. There is a consistent branding with these books, and that is a headless beefy guy’s six pack torso, shaved. Over and over again. Me, I’d think a bear shifter guy would bring back the whole hairy chest thing. Guess not. Chest hair obscures the view of the six pack–which you can only get by having minimal body fat. There goes the whole fat-acceptance idea. Sigh.
So what will the next incarnation of this hot trend become? The body builder bear billionaire books? Say that six times fast.
What was the first bear billionaire book written? And who wrote it? I mean, you’ve got a lot of billionaire books, of course, and you’ve got a lot of bear shifter books, naturally–but who was the smarty pants who first put them together?
And how many bear billionaire books are there out there that are not just paranormal, shifter erotic romance but bear billionaire, paranormal werebear shifter erotic romance AND bear billionaire BBW paranormal werebear shifter erotic romance to boot? I mean, in terms of romance, come on, this category is the complete package.
Seems like a lot of them have been published in a mad flurry this year–as my friend noted. The earliest that I found was published at the end of December, 2014. And what’s the next trend that will spring from the loins of this one?
MATED BY THE WEALTHY WOLF? I don’t know, my peeps, it’s a little vague isn’t it? I just don’t see it going the distance.
MILLIONAIRE MEERKAT? OMG, I just about died laughing. I think I peed myself. Have you tried reading THE TIGER TYCOON? It’s a new Harlequin line and for some reason, the tiger is always Greek. Just kidding.
TAKEN BY MY BEAR STEPBROTHER? Okay, now stop it. That’s a half step away from dino porn. Bet ya didn’t think THAT was a real thing either.
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