Here’s a teenage boy’s wet-dream fantasy: Take a group of sexy women, put them in a lacy bra, lacy panties, and garter belt. Then make ’em play football. Cowabunga, kids! We got us a winner! Just make sure you don’t wake up. But here’s the thing: it’s no dream, and it’s no fantasy. It’s The Lingerie Football League! Now rebranded as the Legends Football League (the “LFL”) with expansion across the globe, the LFL – sadly – seems to be here to stay.
One could, I suppose, argue that it’s a good thing, and some of the Legends Football League players do exactly that. There are no other opportunities for women to participate in a full-contact football league, they point out, so isn’t it better to play in a bra and panties than not be able to play at all? And sure, there’s some truth to that. Carpe diem! Take advantage of what’s offered and try to make it better. To be fair, it has gotten better. The uniforms have changed. A little. The players no longer have to wear a garter belt, for example. The athletic bra and panties are now sans lace. The shoulder pads have more protection, as do the helmets. Hoo-boy, let’s hear it for progress!
But let’s be real. Viewers of the LFL are no more watching it for honest-to-goodness football than Hooters patrons are going there for the food. The draw of the LFL is the scantily-clad, large-breasted women. It’s the gridiron version of female mud wrestling. Supporters can argue loud and proud that the LFL is nothing less than serious football for females, but if that’s the case then why not give the athletes full protective uniforms? How about if they wear identical gear as NFL players, including full body coverage and full body protection, just like the men?
It probably won’t surprise you that founder and chairman, Mitch Mortaza – perhaps not a pillar of society with his arrests for drunken driving and public intoxication – seems to object to the idea of the LFL players wearing more clothing. The contract they sign, a copy of which was obtained by the website The Smoking Gun, includes a clause about agreeing to “accidental nudity,” presumably when their uniforms get torn or pulled during play. But that’s okay, right? I mean, an exposed nipple or two never hurt anyone. And isn’t that always the case when we’re talking about Serious Football?
Mortaza is quick to state that anyone accusing the LFL of exploiting women is just having a “kneejerk reaction.” His players, he says, are “confident women who come from all walks of life.” Hmmm, well, Mitch, that may be true, but the same thing can be said of strippers and prostitutes, where the exploitation is alive and well. Besides, if you want your league to be taken seriously, then what’s up with the names? Here’s a sample: Atlanta Steam, Chicago Bliss, Las Vegas Sin. Really? How about if we re-brand some NFL teams. Instead of the Tennessee Titans, how about the Tennessee Temptations? Forget about the Houston Oilers, bring on the Houston Hunks! The San Diego Studs. Either would do for me, and I mean do me. Har har!
If I try to look at this sham optimistically then I’ll admit that what one player says about women sports is true, that over time it has evolved in a positive direction. While there is a Bikini Basketball Association, it’s incredibly small and struggling (their website states, “the 2014 season is fast approaching”) whereas the WNBA has shown steady growth since its 1997 inception with games being shown on major cable networks. U.S. women’s soccer is a huge draw, as is women’s tennis. We can only hope that one day female athletes who enjoy playing full contact football will be able to do so while enjoying the same benefits – and respect – as the men.
What do you think? Are ladies playing football in a bra and panties a positive step toward progress or a depressing step back? Share your comments and follow us at Lady Smut, where we promise to always play fair, garter belts not required.