July 29, 2015

Weird Sh*t

By Elizabeth Shore

I’m back after a week in Finland. As you may appreciate, I’m still a bit foggy. The combination of jet lag, copious amounts of vodka, and trying to get back to post-vacation daily life has left me bereft of blog post ideas. What to do? First, I ate ice cream, figuring a jolt of sugar would do the trick. Turns out that doesn’t work. Who knew. So then I trolled the internet in search of inspiration, confident I’d stumble across something that would prompt an idea. Instead what I kept coming across was just a whole lot of weird, crazy stuff. Do you remember the old Arsenio Hall show? The old one, before the other one that came afterward that sucked. He had an ongoing bit called “Things that make you go, hmmm.” Like why is some crude oil referred to as light and sweet, as if it’s used in cooking or something. Hmmm.

Anyhoo, the stuff I came across elicited sometimes a hmmm but other times more of a WTF? So in no particular order, I present for you a selection of oddities.

1. Young girls dyeing their hair grey.
I came across this article in the New York Times a few months back and it puzzled me down to my toes. Grey? Really? Yeah, really. It’s a trend so popular with some that it even has its own hashtag, #grannyhair. Some of the girls say their choice to go grey gives them a “sense of individuality.” Well, OK. I suppose there’s that. The article didn’t mention anything about the hair down there, so I’m assuming it’s just atop the head. Nonetheless, wouldn’t you want the carpet to match the drapes? Hmmm.

2. The Kylie Jenner lip challenge.
Take a shotglass, place it over your lips. Suck. Suck hard! Induce negative pressure from the suctioning and engorge all those tender little blood vessels until your your top and bottom lip resemble mirror images of uncooked bratwurst. Then take a selfie and post it on Instagram. Hilarious! If you suck long enough you can even break those little vessels and cause permanent damage. Cool beans, baby.

3. Countries that don’t kiss.
You might think that’s just an oddity among some lost world bush tribe or something, but you’d be wrong. A recently published article in American Anthropologist reveals that only 77 out of 168 studied cultures showed evidence of romantic kissing. (the study discounted familial kissing such as a mother to a child or cheek-kissing greetings as in some European countries). For those into math, that’s only 46% who like to lock lips. So, um, what do those in the other 54% of countries do when they’re trying to get their motors revved? Smell each other, maybe?

4. Covering your cat’s bum with a sparkly adornment.
Thank the stars above, someone’s out there solving the world’s problems. ‘Cause, you know, there’s nothing worse than having friends over, and like, the cat finally emerges from under the bed, and you’re all, “hey, kitty, come say hi to my friends.” And your furry lil puddin’ pads over to say hello and then, AHHH!! You can see her butthole!!! Kitty has her tail up and her back door is exposed for everyone to see. You’re mortified, right? Of course you are. But fear not! Twinkle Tush to the rescue. This essential adornment fits around Fluffy’s tail and drapes down just so in order for a round sparkly disc to discreetly cover that unsightly image. Cat lovers unite. We can all breathe easier.

5. Why anyone thinks Brody Jenner is a “sexpert.”
A few weeks ago, self-described “sexpert” Brody Jenner launched a weekly call-in show on E! called Sex with Brody. Makes sense, right? I mean, the 31-year old model and star of a couple failed reality TV shows (Bromance, The Princes of Malibu) surely has a load of “sexpertise” he can teach the world at large. Although, he recently did admit that his younger half-siblings Kylie and Kendall could “teach him a thing or two” about sex. Eeewww. Surely you didn’t mean that like it sounded, did ya, Bro? Hmmm.

There you have it. Things that make you go hmmm. Or WTF! If you want an even better reaction, follow us at Lady Smut. Our new daily posts will make you say, Cool.




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  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    Grey hair is awesome — is why some girls wanna rock the granny look. Grannies are awesome too.

    However — I’m going to create a RANTS bulletin board on our Pinterest page, and I think this article qualifies. You’ve done some glorious rants in the past, Elizabeth.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      I have nothing against grannies, but not with you on the awesomeness of grey hair. I’m pretty sure that’s why hair dye exists. 🙂

      As for the rant, well, sometimes you just gotta blow off some steam, ya know? But thanks for the compliment, Ms. Madeline.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore

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