For F**k’s Sake: Ground Rules For Sex Buddies
Hey All, I’m off this week but don’t want to leave you high and dry, so what better way to avoid that than by revisiting a stimulating conversation on ground rules for sex buddies. Enjoy!
I got some happy news recently when my publisher offered a contract for a story I wrote awhile ago and have really, really wanted to get published. It’s called Desire Rising and is a historical erotic romance novella about a young woman stuck in an arranged marriage to a total jerk whom she actually tried to love. One night the a-hole comes home drunk and tries to rape her, and plucky heroine decides she’s had enough. A struggle ensues and jerk hubby accidentally gets killed. Oops.
Our heroine knows she’s gonna get blamed and possibly hung for that little mishap so she high-tails it outta there in the middle of the night, moves to another city far, far away, and completely reinvents herself into an urbane, polished woman who enjoys the physical pleasures of love but keeps her heart guarded and away from the pesky business on the emotional side. She’d tried emotional love once before – and look how that turned out! – so she’s having none of it. But, naturally, this being a romance novel, she meets an awesome guy and falls in love again. Before that all happens, however, my heroine is essentially living the life of single gal with sex buddies.
In order to make the situation work for her, my trend setting heroine establishes firm boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not. I realized, as I was looking through the story the other day, that essentially she’s laying down the modern-day equivalent of ground rules for sex buddies. Or f**k buddies. Pleasure partners. Whatever term you fancy, entering into one of these situations can be fraught with landmines you dare not step on lest everything explodes into heartbreaking smithereens. And therein lies the rub.
Sex buddies are not people with whom you want to become emotionally attached. ‘Cause that ruins the whole point, yo! A relationship is an entirely different matter. If you’re just wanting some good sex, keep it at that – a situation where both parties are only in it for the bump and grind.
As I spoke with friends and read advice others have given, rule #1 on the sex buddy hit parade is that very thing: Don’t Become Emotionally Attached. If you find yourself thinking about baking your sex buddy’s favorite pie, you no longer just have a sex buddy.
Women consistently doled out the same advice when it came to establishing sex buddy rules. In addition to the irrefutable avoiding emotional attachment rule, there were variations on the theme: no cuddling after sex, no discussing your hopes and dreams, no sharing of personal info. These are all things you do with the one you love, not with the one you only f**k.
Other rules from the female perspective included: Keep it simple, keep it fun, no dating, don’t mix friends, don’t ask. That last point goes with the requirement to make it crystal clear from the onset that you’re not looking for commitment. Neither is he. But since that’s the case, you have to accept that you or he could have others. And if you’re not cool with that, you’re not cool with having a sex buddy.
A male friend added additional sage advice: no social events/parties, use phone calls and texts strictly for hooking up, no hickeys, bite marks, or impossible to wash out cologne/perfume, no sharing details with friends. Be discreet.
It would seem to me that having a sex buddy relationship would be more difficult for women than men. We gals tend to get our hearts involved earlier than the guys, and many women don’t want anything physical unless there’s also some sort of emotional tie. Yet there are blogs a’plenty written by women for women doling out advice on maintaining a sex buddy relationship.
What do you think? Have you had a sex buddy? Did you like it? Sound off in the comments below. And follow us at Lady Smut. We’re happy to be your buddy, and we love talking about sex. 🙂