Sooper Sekrit Love
by Madeline Iva
Okay, talk about illicit pleasures! Do we love secret love? Course we do! Romeo & Juliet — duh! Brokeback Mountain — doh. The list goes on and on…
Not that I’m into secrets usually. I have a friend who loves to deliberately let you know she knows a secret–and who it’s about–but then she won’t tell you what it is. Drives me bananas. Yet when it comes to romance, I’m a total secret love addict. Why do I revel in it so much? No idea.
I mean, there’s private where people don’t know something is going on between two people. Then there’s secret where boink-age is being deliberately hidden from everyone. Oooooh.
Is it because secrets in this day and age are a dying breed when it comes to romance? Anything goes right? You’d have to try really hard to come up with a good reason for keeping your relationship in hiding.
I’ve confessed to my horrible Gossip Girl addiction before on this blog. It drove DH crazy, and I’m still kind of ashamed of it. After an hour or two of hearing it from the other room, he couldn’t take it any more and would stomp into the living room and make me shut it off. Why? Why do you like that show? He’d rant.
‘Cause they have *sekrits*!
Gossip Girl was really just one long string of bad romance/sex secrets–and if it was a little sick, then all the better. The show starts off with the secret that Serena slept with her bff’s bfriend, Nate. Meanwhile, Nate’s secret is that Serena took his virginity. Another secret: now Nate in love with Serena. From there it just goes on and on.
Teachers and students get it on. Even stepbrothers are not taboo–is Gossip Girl what kicked off the whole Stepbrother erotic romance trend? Because my friends, that show was swimming in stepbrother-ness sex stuff.
Mother and stepson have sex at some point. An older married women and a high school student have sex — she eventually pays him for it–another secret.
At one point the heroine’s stepsister is trying to steal her bfriend — which, by that point in the show, for the record, was the only guy the heroine has had feelings for who was NOT nor ever had been her stepbrother.
Ooh, it was a bad, bad, show. And I was slavering over it, until DH finally made me go cold turkey.
ROSWELL was another TV show about teens and sex and dripping in secrets. At least their the secrets had to do with the fact that they were aliens. Even so, I felt that they let the cat out of the bag way way too often.
So, back to romance — specifically erotic romance. BEAUTIFUL BASTARD did a great job at the sekrit sex motif. She’s his employee, but she despises him as a boss every bit as much as she worships his beautiful face. When the sexual tension and her resentment boil over, she ends up mashed against a glass wall in a high rise business tower doing all kinds of nasty things with him after hours. But of course no one can know — especially his family who owns the biz. I liked the story right to the bitter panty-shredding end, but I have to admit that my enjoyment sagged a wee bit when the secret got out.
And even with gay marriage ringing out across the land, I’m convinced that we love m/m so much in part because often if the hero is trying on a m/m relationship for the first time, it’s something he definitely wants kept under wraps.
SPEAKING OF WHICH: I was at the cafe writing with a friend who suddenly turned to me and said, “What’s going on over there?”
I looked around to my left. At a table was a small group of high school students. Boy girl, and across the table from them another boy girl combo. But under the table where the girls couldn’t see, one boy had his birkenstock mashed down on top of the other boys sneaker.
And I mean mashed. We’re not talking a momentary ‘hey shut up about that’ signal. We’re talking this is my foot completely resting on yours and there’s no mistaking it between us, ever.
“That. Is secret love,” I said to my friend. I thought it was piercingly sweet.
I observed them some more, discreetly. The boys were ridiculously gorgeous. I mean, the girls were pretty, but sheesh! And–as one notices with some gay men who are attracted to their own clone–the boys also looked quite a bit alike.
“Why?” my friend asked. Meaning–why the secrecy?
“Because they’re young. And it’s new. They’re shy about other people knowing.”
I mean, I’m not saying I felt thrilled for the girls who definitely weren’t supposed to know what was going on, but wow.
And what about you dear reader? Let Lady Smut be your sekrit crush.
Follow us — subscribe to our newsletter. We promise we won’t tell.
Okay, enough cafe stalking. Back to work for me — if you want to linger, here’s a clip of the best secret romance moments from Brokeback Mountain: