Posted in Humor, Relationships
September 11, 2015

Six things a city girl should know before she dates a guy from the country

Isabelle Drake’s handy reference guide to understanding the small town guy.04115f473fb901d61a1d18466f9ec5c6


1. He’s not a hipster (…yet).


The first time you met him he was drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon and wearing a flannel shirt, a Carhartt beanie, and a pair of Red Wing boots. It was only until you got close enough to hear what he was saying that you realized he was talking about how he was all-conference middle line-backer his senior year, and not discussing how Paul Thomas Anderson is America’s “most important”



2. He won’t get your Mean Girls quotes.


The cable company didn’t have service all the way out where he lived. In fact he barely got enough reception with the comically-sized rabbit ears bolted to the side of his house to watch the State game on Saturdays. The closest cinema was thirty miles from his house so he’s only ever seen three movies: The Notebook, Forest Gump, and Remember the Titans.


3. His Confederate Flag belt buckle doesn’t make him a racist (probably).


That’s not actually even the confederate flag. That’s the battle flag of the army of north Virginia and the only reason he’s wearing it is because of that show Dukes of Hazzard. To him the red, white and blue reminds of home cooked meals and good ol’ boys. That being said, if he tells you that the south will rise again, you might want to move on. Maybe not. Just ‘sayin.


9b8e07af3336b1430f3b67e86e44681f4. No, he doesn’t like to dance.


Or any kind of Dance. His eyes still tear up when he remembers his middle school wrestling coaching telling him he was “lead footed”. He would be much happier lying on a picnic blanket in the bed of his truck than being bumped into by sweaty twenty-year-olds years in a sketchy club with the latest Diplo/Tiesto collab track blaring in his ears.


5. Only having 80 Facebook friends doesn’t mean he’s a serial killer.


His high school graduating class was only 30 people and his principal was his best friend’s grandpa. And his history teacher. And the football coach. His social circle is tiny and he probably likes it that way.


6. Don’t visit his hometown.


To you it sounds quaint and cute. You imagine big bright red barns and sprawling pastures filled with galloping horses and grazing cows. The reality is a run-down gas station and a diner whose only patron is a ninety-year-old man who only stops wheezing long enough to leer at what you and mutter to himself about “girls these days”.


7. Your romantic past is longer than his.


You might’ve had thirty new matches on Tinder every day for the last few years, but he only ever had one girlfriend before you and it was the town scandal when the two of them didn’t get married the summer after they graduated high school.


unfinishedbusiness_800There you have it Lady Smut readers, a list straight from a country boy himself. But he won’t let me add him name. See number 4. But you never know, this list could come in real handy, next time you get lucky enough to side up to a guy with callouses from chopping wood and cow sh*t smeared on his boots. If you don’t want to wait for that day, ya’ll can check out my country girl moves to the city to reinvent herself book, Unfinished Business.

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  • Post authorMelissa Keir

    Wonderful post… now the girls are warned… and yet I’m still ready to take him on!

    Reply to Melissa Keir
  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    Love this — and being surrounded by Virginia country boys who are damn cute, but very very country — I so very much get it. I remember when I first moved to the South and realized with shock that saying someone was a ‘good ole boy’ was actually a compliment! Yet there’s a ton to love about the South once you get to know it. Sounds like a great story.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorIsabelle Drake

      I’m originally from Cincinnati, which is actually pretty Southern by culture. Its lovely there.

      Reply to Isabelle Drake
  • Post authorKel


    I find the city/country dichotomy amusing… mostly because I’m a nothern girl who has a bit of farm in her background, raised by academics and people with military backgrounds.

    Don’t judge a book by its cover, or a person by their accent. You might be surprised at who has actually mucked out a stable, milked a cow (or a goat) or carted hay around. (And when you cart hay around a lot when young, it really does surprise and amuse you when people who have never picked up a bale of hay before try. Imagine someone young and fit struggling with a gallon of milk or carton of juice for the comparison.)

    Although as a side note – natural night-owls don’t do well on farms. It makes us kind of grumpy long-term. Also, after not picking up hay for ~15 years, it’s surprisingly heavy. I laughed at myself and said, “Holy shit, I used to carry these two at a time…” in a sort of wondering voice which made everyone else laugh, too.

    • Post authorIsabelle Drake

      Hay bales! Yes! I totally get what you’re saying. I’m a Southern girl living in the North, an academic who lives on a farm. It’s great to live in so many worlds.

      Reply to Isabelle Drake

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