Holy sh**! Bedazzling your poo
It’s the holiday season! Pass the gingerbread cookies and spiked bowl of ‘nog. And if you’re lucky like me, your office has got a little “Secret Santa” goodtime cheer going on, where you get the name of a co-worker you barely know and have to figure out a present they just might not hate. On top of shopping for someone you don’t know, even worse is trying to figure out something unique and fun for someone you know well. And who’s got everything. The pressure’s on, peeps! The agony of what to do can weigh you down like too much stuffing. Fortunately we intrepid LadySmut bloggers are only too happy to help. When we come across something we haven’t seen before, we’ll always pass it along. And holy crap, have we got a doozy for you!
Have you ever thought to yourself, gee, I wish my poo would sparkle like stars in the sky. No? Well, somebody has. And fortunately for us, they’ve also done something about it. Let’s hear it for glitter pills.
Glitter pills come in a rainbow of colors or just plain gold if you’re feeling like a champ. They’re non toxic, gelatin capsules that look to be about the size of a standard fish oil pill. They’ve easily available on an Etsy shop called, appropriately enough, GlitterPills. But here’s where things get just a little bit more weird. The FAQ on the GlitterPills site says that glitter pills aren’t meant to be consumed. WTF? They’re pills, GlitterPill people. What else do you do with pills except pop ’em in your mouth and swallow? And if they’re not meant to be taken like a pill why shape them like a pill? Strange as it sounds, the GlitterPill people don’t actually know what the product is for. They just look awesome! according to their FAQ. People find them fascinating. Um, so here’s what’s fascinating. People who feel compelled to make their poo shimmer. Why, people? WHY?
I mean, really. Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, you decide that having a sparkle party in your toilet bowl is an absolute must. So you pop a glitter pill and get down to business. The result is everything you’d ever dreamed: a twinkling, glistening pile o’ poo. You look at it. It shimmers. But then what the hell comes next? Whip out your phone and snap a couple pics for Instagram?
The whole thing sounds so utterly bizarre that I had to poll my besties for their take on the matter. The result was a mostly confused, horrified, or laughing-til-it-hurts reaction. But one friend, after puzzling for a minute, decided that glitter pills are probably used by those with a feces fetish. Hey, it wasn’t up to me to poo-poo that theory. She just might be right about it.
In any case, if you don’t want to actually use the glitter pills as a pill, perhaps you could just pull them apart and throw the glitter around like so much sparkly confetti. After all, there’s nothing more fun than cleaning up powder-fine glitter, right?
If this idea isn’t quite right for your Secret Santa office party, a better idea is our own Elizabeth SaFleur’s Untouchable. It’s a great read and has been nominated for best BDSM book of the year by the BDSM Writers Con 2016. Check it out. It might not be filled with glitter, but reading the fantastic story is a gas.