Holy sh**! Bedazzling your poo

9 Dec

Smiling muscular man posing in sexy santa outfit offering gift against blurry yellow christmas light circlesBy Elizabeth Shore

It’s the holiday season! Pass the gingerbread cookies and spiked bowl of ‘nog. And if you’re lucky like me, your office has got a little “Secret Santa” goodtime cheer going on, where you get the name of a co-worker you barely know and have to figure out a present they just might not hate. On top of shopping for someone you don’t know, even worse is trying to figure out something unique and fun for someone you know well. And who’s got everything. The pressure’s on, peeps! The agony of what to do can weigh you down like too much stuffing. Fortunately we intrepid LadySmut bloggers are only too happy to help. When we come across something we haven’t seen before, we’ll always pass it along. And holy crap, have we got a doozy for you!

Have you ever thought to yourself, gee, I wish my poo would sparkle like stars in the sky. No? Well, somebody has. And fortunately for us, they’ve also done something about it. Let’s hear it for glitter pills.

Glitter pills come in a rainbow of colors or just plain gold if you’re feeling like a champ. They’re non toxic, gelatin capsules that look to be about the size of a standard fish oil pill. They’ve easily available on an Etsy shop called, appropriately enough, GlitterPills. But here’s where things get just a little bit more weird. The FAQ on the GlitterPills site says that glitter pills aren’t meant to be consumed. WTF? They’re pills, GlitterPill people. What else do you do with pills except pop ’em in your mouth and swallow? And if they’re not meant to be taken like a pill why shape them like a pill? Strange as it sounds, the GlitterPill people don’t actually know what the product is for. They just look awesome! according to their FAQ. People find them fascinating. Um, so here’s what’s fascinating. People who feel compelled to make their poo shimmer. Why, people? WHY?

I mean, really. Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, you decide that having a sparkle party in your toilet bowl is an absolute must. So you pop a glitter pill and get down to business. The result is everything you’d ever dreamed: a twinkling, glistening pile o’ poo. You look at it. It shimmers. But then what the hell comes next? Whip out your phone and snap a couple pics for Instagram?

The whole thing sounds so utterly bizarre that I had to poll my besties for their take on the matter. The result was a mostly confused, horrified, or laughing-til-it-hurts reaction. But one friend, after puzzling for a minute, decided that  glitter pills are probably used by those with a feces fetish. Hey, it wasn’t up to me to poo-poo that theory. She just might be right about it.

In any case, if you don’t want to actually use the glitter pills as a pill, perhaps you could just pull them apart and throw the glitter around like so much sparkly confetti. After all, there’s nothing more fun than cleaning up powder-fine glitter, right?

UntouchableIf this idea isn’t quite right for your Secret Santa office party, a better idea is our own Elizabeth SaFleur’s Untouchable. It’s a great read and has been nominated for best BDSM book of the year by the BDSM Writers Con 2016. Check it out. It might not be filled with glitter, but reading the fantastic story is a gas.

 

 

 

6 Responses to “Holy sh**! Bedazzling your poo”

  1. madeline iva December 9, 2015 at 9:25 am #

    Who at Lady Smut is going to try it out? Common people, this is for science. I think it would hurt. Would that be part of the fetish? Is it for women who are too self conscious to poo at their boyfriend’s apartment early in the relationship? (I never even thought of this until I watched sex & the city, btw.) Like, as if she was to get caught leaving a floater the fact that even her poo is glittery bright — would that seal the deal?

    I dunno. Shaking my head, checking the bottom of my shoes, and stepping away from the glitter poo.

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore December 9, 2015 at 10:27 am #

      I’m SO with you. I’d be afraid of taking those pills. It says non-toxic, but still. It can’t be good to add glitter to your internal workings.

      As to your second point, I also read about a French inventor who’s come up with something to make your “wind passings” smell like chocolate. Egad. What’ll they think of next!

      Like

  2. elfahearn December 9, 2015 at 11:43 am #

    Humm… Peachy, I’m kinda speechless. I’ve heard there are ways to make ones poo smell minty fresh as well. What a self-conscious, bored country we live in.

    Like

  3. Elizabeth SaFleur December 9, 2015 at 12:49 pm #

    Talk about taking “first world problems” to a higher level. Bored with your poo? Glam it up! Snap a pic! Watch those instagram and Facebook likes skyrocket! (Part of me really wants someone to try it out, though. Like Madeline said – for science sake only, of course.)

    Like

  4. giannasimone December 9, 2015 at 2:16 pm #

    Yeah, um, no. Just… NO!!! I never understood anyone’s fascination for that bodily function and others like it. Seems to me some people are just, excuse the expression, bat-sh** crazy! lol

    Like

    • Elizabeth Shore December 9, 2015 at 4:01 pm #

      I never understood the fascination, either. I mean, it’s not called “waste” for nothing.

      Like

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