What to do about Valentine’s Day?

By Isabelle Drake

23d71f7ed7040cccd9740e807474e9cd.jpgWho truly loves Valentine’s Day? Who wakes up on February 14, sure that the entire day will be wonderful, romantic, and filled with complete happiness?

Not most of us. There are too many pit falls. Too many possibilities to feel emotions other than pure bliss. Like what, you ask?

Non-bliss emotions caused by gifts:

  • Disillusionment: No gift from your SO. Not even a cheap box of conversation hearts? (SO = significant other).
  • Irritation: Wrong gift from your SO. You clearly said you wanted sparkly jewelry. Not an itchy brown turtleneck sweater.
  • Exasperation: Last minute gift from your SO. The orange price tag from gas station kind of ruins the mood.
  • Unworthiness: Much, much too nice gift from your SO. You expected a bag of Hersey Kisses and got a new BMW. How can you possibly live up to that?
  • Puzzlement: Unidentified gift when you have two or more possible gifters. Who to thank?

Non-bliss emotions caused by your “status”:

  • Irritation: Not so subtle, prying questions from your well-meaning friends and relatives who are older, wiser, and concerned about your ‘painful’ single status.
  • Annoyance: Not so subtle, prying questions from your well-meaning friends and relatives who are in new, sparkling, fresh relationships full of excitement and romance and are concerned about your ‘boring, been-together-forever,’ couple status.

Non-bliss emotions by sex:

  • Ecstasy: Okay. This one isn’t a non-bliss emotion. But it is a possibility and so must be included here.
  • Weariness: After all that pressure about the gifts, your status, where to eat and what-not, your just too wiped out for those extra steps to make it wild enough to lead to the ecstasy.
  • Bewilderment: After a bottle and half of wine, your SO suddenly decides to try __________ (< insert anything never talked about or even considered). You have no idea where to start and so spend all your energy trying to figure out what to do instead of relaxing and getting to the ecstasy.

f3cc473e11c259c4e56e99bb7c8366ce.jpgSee what I mean? It’s a wonder any of us make it through the day at all.

Because I like to leave you Lady Smutters with a little something more, I’ll offer a link to this quiz, How Sexually Adventurous Are You? It won’t help you avoid the above non-bliss emotions, but it might make you laugh. And hell, if you ask me, laughter is an absolute necessity on Valentines Day.

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  • madeline iva
    February 12, 2016 at 10:10 am

    My sweetie and I have two rules for V-Day: No pressure, and no mind reading.
    We talk about what we want and negotiate from there. And sometimes we trade off. Sometimes I’m in charge of what we’re going to do, and sometimes he’s in charge – but that only means in terms of suggesting things. We still talk out the choices we’ve come up with.

    He wants to take me to the new movie Hail, Ceasar! because we both love Cohen Brothers movies and we don’t go to the movies very often. He wants to go on a long run in the morning (I have no problem with that, but he wisely declined an invitation with a positively gleeful group of runners who wanted to do an all day run far far away in the mountains. What’s up with that? I asked. He has no idea.)

    I want to make him some yummy but complicated cookies — heart shaped chocolate peanut-butter pillows. The cookies are actually black chocolate cocoa hearts with pnut filling. Black hearts are kinda cool, right?

    Because of the rules, our V-day is not full of surprises, but it actually works out really well. Last year was totally delightful!

    • Isabelle Drake
      February 12, 2016 at 11:03 am

      Black heart cookies, love that (; The all day run? I’m not sure about that either. An all day bike ride, sure.

  • Elizabeth Shore
    February 12, 2016 at 11:48 am

    Not a big V-day fan myself. It seems forced. But if you’re going to celebrate, seems like Madeline’s got it down right.


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