April 28, 2016

Let's Do Something Really STUPID! Do Vegas Weddings Ever Work Out?

Vegas Wedding
That Elvis impersonator? He owns the place. And let me tell you…he’s got stories to share.

by Madeline Iva

You went to Vegas and got married while you were there!

???? your friends say.

Here are the five top reasons people actually get married in Vegas:

1)We’re drunk!

‘Nuff said.

2) One person REALLY wants to get married and the other just doesn’t see that person as someone they want to commit their life to.  But at this point in the evening he/she is just drunk off his/her ass, so OKAY!

I feel fairly safe in assuming that most of these marriages do not last.  I would back up that assertion by sharing this QUICK VEGAS ANNULMENT WEBSITE. And hey, Kittens! You only have to pay 1/2 up front. 🙂

3) We have no money!

Which is interesting, if you think about it. Because what *is* Vegas but a place to gamble and spend money? So if you don’t have any money for a wedding, what the f**k are you doing in Vegas? Why not just elope?—and go visit some romantic city that’s raison d’etre is NOT emptying your pockets?

4) It’s Tacky, it’s Trashy, and I don’t caaaaaaaaaare!

His name is Billy Bob. This was before she got the matching blood vial necklaces for them to wear.
His name is Billy Bob. This was before she got the matching blood vial necklaces for them to wear.

For some people the ethos of Vegas is one that expresses their innermost F**k it, Bitch! zeitgeist.  For these unique and charismatic individuals, the question is not why get married in Vegas, the question is: why get married anywhere else? Where else can you get married by an Elvis impersonator?

5) Because: REASONS!

You’re in love, but no one said it’d be easy.  You’ve got some very good reasons not to get married at home with the people you’d expect to be there — here are just a few simple examples:

A) You hate your family

I’ve seen this in action.  The bride’s family was bazonkers crazy.  So she didn’t invite them to her wedding.  It was a beautiful wedding as a result, but man, that’s cold. Vegas is the kinder/gentler option if you can’t stick the dagger in your crazy-ass relative’s hearts.

B) Your family hates him

I’ve seen this. The toasts–man, the toasts were harsh when it came to the groom.  The bride has amnesia from that time.  Seriously, she doesn’t remember any of the toasts from her wedding.  But we do.  The alternative to wedding PTSD? Vegas.

No, Britney, we haven't forgotten you. Did you borrow that hat from Billy Bob?
No, Britney, we haven’t forgotten you. Did you borrow that hat from Billy Bob?

C) His family hates you 

I’ve seen this too.  Our friends got engaged, but they never got married. She hated her family, (see above) and his family hated her.  Enough time goes by and then they just start saying they’re married.  Our reaction: ??????? (see above).  A Vegas wedding probably would have been just as good an option.

D) Your families hate each other

200 people at this one wedding we went to, all there just to create a buffer between the mother and father of the bride who were most un-amicably divorced.  Vegas would have been cheaper.

Which, if you stop to think about it, adds all this deeper meaning to a wedding.  Not only are people there to celebrate your love, they’re willing to set aside bitter differences and the past–if only for a day–because why? Because they love you.

That said, some of us know better than to assume our families will ‘behave’ and therefore:

Jon Bon Jovi walks Branke Delic down the isle. Note: Same chapel Bon Jovi got married in himself. Further note: same Elvis impersonator chapel. I sh** you not!
Jon Bon Jovi walks Branke Delic down the aisle. Note: Same chapel Bon Jovi got married in himself. Further note: same Elvis impersonator chapel. I sh** you not.


But Vegas weddings have started to fall off. (Oh no!!!) The financial crisis of 2008 didn’t help, but Vegas Wedding Experts site people marrying when older (and therefore less impulsive and drunk?) as one reason.  Another reason is that people are simply marrying less, the wimps.

Not to fear–the Vegas people are on it.  To boost business they have a plan. Two words: Gay weddings!

Because if you’re gay and you come from a family (as most gay people do) then you’re possibly struggling with one or more of reasons Number Five.  If so, here are several gay wedding chapels in Vegas. But does this mean that in the future Vegas Weddings will become…tasteful?


Buy it, bitches!

6) You’re on the RUN:

If you want to glory in the vicarious fallout of a Vegas Wedding implosion, then Kiersten Hallie Krum’s book WILD ON THE ROCKS is for you.  Lovers reunited post-Vegas and on the run – (isn’t it yummy?) as they face danger and adventure in Barefoot Bay.

And if you actually decide to get married in Vegas, here are some helpful TIPS.  For instance, do you only speak a foreign language? No problem! Vegas will find the right wedding setting for you, and, presumably, translators.

Do you like step-by-step instructions? Here’s a great website guiding you through how to elope in Vegas. The final step: Break the news to all your friends and family. Yeah, we can just see the co-mingled expressions of shock and fake joy on their faces now.

So follow us to Lady Smut, cause we’re going to the chapel–chapel of lurv, that is.

And since we’re all friends here — know anyone who did the Vegas wedding thing? Even a friend of a friend? Tell us, are they together now? I’m dying to hear from you.

Madeline Ivaimgres writes fantasy, paranormal, and contemporary romance.  Her novella ‘Sexsomnia’ is available in our LadySmut anthology HERE, and her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, will be out Fall, 2016.

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  • Post authorKel

    Interestingly, Vegas weddings aren’t such a bad idea if your state has silly requirements for marriage. I’m lucky enough to live in a state which doesn’t sneakily marry you after you live with someone for a particular period of time, but other people aren’t.

    So… if you accidentally find yourself married to someone, why not go to Vegas (which is actually a lot more interesting a vacation destination if you don’t want to gamble than you’d think – shows, conventions, mini-museums, lots of fun things to do and see and a lot of it very reasonable or free, after all – the casinos want you to gamble, but they can’t make you… so they try to get you in the door. Once you’re there, you can ride their rollercoaster, or enjoy their art show and then smile and leave…) and have a little ceremony without other people’s expectations. Most weddings are just pomp and presentation anyway – Vegas is *very* good at that.

    But then, I’m the person who didn’t spend any of her childhood planning a wedding. Unlike the romantic stereotype, I’d much rather plan a life than a wedding.

    • Post authormadeline iva

      I didn’t plan my wedding as a kid either. I’ve heard this about Vegas, that’ there’s other stuff to do. Witness the zip lining from one casino to another that a romance author did at RT in Vegas this year, for instance.

      And I definitely hadn’t thought of that angle — that if you’re married already by some sneaky state, might as well do it ‘your way’. Definitely weddings are an awful lot of pomp and presentation. I do believe that you can have a meaningful ceremony where people affirm and support your love without all that — but you gotta be a certain kind of people with a certain kind of family and friends to carry it off.

      Reply to madeline iva
  • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

    George Clooney married his first wife in Vegas. That union made him swear off marriage for decades. Mrs. Clooney #2, Amal, got married in Lake Como and he now swears undying loyalty. A coincidence? Hmmmmm….

    Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur
    • Post authormadeline iva

      I did not know Clooney had a vegas wedding. Well, goes to show…. But Bon Jovi got married in Vegas and maybe (?) he’s still married to the same woman….

      Reply to madeline iva
      • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

        That’s because Bon Jovi’s wife told him if he ever left her, she was going with him. Most. Brilliant. Woman. Ever.

        Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur

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