May 11, 2016

Let's Get Physical – And Nothing Else

gorgeous model dancing, over blackBy Elizabeth Shore

If you’ve been reading Lady Smut for awhile now – and if you have, thanks! – you may recall a post I wrote last summer about establishing ground rules for sex buddies. If you haven’t seen it, you can do so here.

I have an interest in the topic primarily because I hear such different viewpoints on whether the whole sex buddy thing actually even works. Opinions diverge from those who firmly believe the entire notion is a farce to avid supporters who maintain not only does it work, it works great for all involved. Just stick to the rules and you’ve got a passport to sexytime nirvana.

The heroine in my new release, Desire Rising, delves into sex buddyhood after she escaped an arranged marriage from hell, one in which she thought she actually loved the guy. What a mistake! The marriage was supposed to have given her life advantages she’d not have without it. Yet despite doing her best to be a kind and loving wife, she ends up being both physically and emotionally abused. Her dreams become a nightmare and she winds up falsely accused of murder. With no other choice, she flees home with her heart in tatters, vowing never to love again. Like a phoenix rising from ashes, she sheds her innocence and emerges as savvy and sophisticated Catherine Sheffield, a woman who keeps her liaisons purely physical and her heart closely guarded. But does she? Does anyone?

As I mentioned in my sex buddy post, the numero uno unbreakable rule of sex buddyism is Do Not Get Emotionally Attached. If that starts happening then presto chango! you’re walking through the relationship door. Which, after all, defeats the entire sex buddy purpose. It seems to me, in speaking about this topic with my gal pals, that it would be much harder for us females to stick to that hard and fast “No emotions, please” rule. Our hearts tend to get involved. It’s just the way we’re wired. Guys, on the other hand, are A-Okay when it comes to sticking to the physical. They enter such an arrangement knowing full well it exists for the sole purpose of fulfilling a sexual – not emotional – need. Right?

Maybe not. I’ve come across a few articles, as well as an interesting conversation chain on Reddit, appearing to support the opposite theory. Men can get attached in a supposed physical-only relationship, despite their reputation for surviving and thriving in the sometimes emotionless hook-up world we live in. Certainly it happens to my hero. He was a man who was head-over-heels in love with his wife. Her death, and the death of their child, nearly destroyed him. He’s determined never again to subject himself to that kind of pain and guards his heart from any and all emotions. It works just fine…until he meets Catherine.

I do wonder whether FWB situations would work better on both sides if the parties involved weren’t friends as well. It seems if a couple is truly just hooking up for a little slap and tickle, without really knowing a thing about each other, detachment would be easier to maintain. Yet here’s the rub (and not in a good way)…many women don’t want to hook-up with a guy who’s not at least a casual friend, yet because that relationship is already established, the friendship can morph into something else entirely once sex gets thrown in. Damn. The complicated web we weave…

Ultimately, I adhere to the “different strokes (hey-o!)  for different folks” edict. I firmly believe an FWB relationship can exist, and exist successfully. It all depends upon the people involved, what they want, where they are in life, and what kind of people they are.

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As for Catherine and Miles, their scorching hot FWB  most definitely results in an HEA – one that suits the both of them. For a free preview, or to buy, click on the photo.







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  • Post authormadeline iva

    So funny you should bring up this topic. I woke up this morning with an idea for a series of short stories that explores this notion in a way.

    My only experience of this — not personal experience — was with my Sweetie’s cousin, who was also my friend. He wanted a friends with benefits relationship but she said all the guys she tried that with couldn’t handle it. And indeed, almost as soon as they slept together he developed all these feelings and wanted to be with her.

    So there you go. But that’s just a sample of one.

    If you truly have two people who like each other that way but are cool not being more — that seems ideal. However, I get the feeling that often in these FWB relationships that whether it’s a man or woman, gay or straight–it’s possible that one person in this tango usually wants more and is willing to settle for what they can get. Which can still work I guess, but isn’t quite as ideal.

    Reply to madeline iva
    • Post authorElizabeth Shore

      It’s certainly an intriguing notion. Satisfying the physical without all those emotional complications. But perhaps you’re right. When it works it’s possible that one of the parties DOES want more but is willing to settle for at least what he or she can get.

      Reply to Elizabeth Shore

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