by Madeline Iva
May was masturbation month and I missed it. Rats! Yet isn’t every month masturbation month? That’s the whole point of May being masturbation month–encouraging women to take the plunge.
Stats say something like only 92% of younger women masturbate. 8% of you out there are really missing out. Or you’re tired. Or you’ve got kids crawling all over you and no privacy. Or…you’ve never tried it? I hope you’ve tried it.
I very distinctly remember the first time I tried because, (cue the sad music) I was 19 and I’d already had sex, but had never tried masturbating. My friend, noting my bitchy, intense behavior in general–as well as the fact that my boyfriend was gone for the summer–decided to tell me about how *she* had tried masturbating for the first time, how it took a while at first, but the books/articles/whatever it was she found had recommended not giving up, and finally she was successful. And now she lurved it. So I tried. Thanks friend! It was a message wrapped up in personal sharing–and who knows how long I would have gone on without her subtle (hem!) encouragement.
One thing that came along with masturbating was fantasizing. I’d tried having romantic fantasies before going to sleep and would kinda fail at them. For some reason (!) masturbating while fantasizing helped me keep the fantasy going, helped it develop and expand. Masturbating is one of the great, go-to creative exercises in my life.
Another thing that came along (at first) with masturbating was guilt. I should be having sex with my sweetie instead of sneaking behind his back to masturbate on the side. That’s long gone. The second that I found out he was occasionally wanking off on his own too, all that guilt collapsed into a more sexy kind of secret time to myself.
And this whole understanding about the idea that all adults (occasionally, well, okay frequently) masturbate was made overt when I had a creative writing teacher talk to me about it. He said one of the other students–younger than myself–had turned in a story in which the ‘oh no, horrors!’ moment had been where a wife catches her husband masturbating in the shower. He was like–“I tried to explain that’s no big deal, and relationships don’t really work like that” and I was like, “Tods.” I didn’t say that–I don’t remember what I said, but he was so glad to have confirmation from someone more mature. Of course, being male, being older, and being a professor, he couldn’t push his point, (how awkward it all was) but he knew I had been in a serious relationship for quite a while, and it was one of those “I’m not crazy, am I?” check-in-with-another-adult-to-see kind of moments.
At this point, masturbating is so much a part of me, such an easy pleasure that comes with my week, I can’t imagine life without it. It’s like I have my sweetie, and then I have this relationship on the side with myself–which is so very satisfying, if different. It’s a great part of what keeps me calm and happy. It’s calorie free. It’s an excellent tool for writing smutty romances. It’s the ideal way to get to sleep when my sweetie is away on a trip, or when I’m just all snarled up from a f**k-tacular day.
At one point in my life, shaking my fist to the sky, I swore whenever I wrote a romance I’d have at least one masturbation scene in it–or at least reference masturbation as a gimme for the heroine. Because when I was growing up there were no masturbation scenes to be found in romances anywhere. Ever. Okay, I mean, maybe in some erotica collection of short stories about ‘real women’s fantasies’ but no decent heroine back then ever plunged her fingers into the pudding–not in one the bodice rippers or rape-y harlequins I read.
So now with erotic romances, and some great pop songs about women masturbating, I would hope that last 8% would get a little spit on their fingers and join the rest of us for some multiple O’s. Do it for Masturbation Month. Do it for yourself…And, where can I get this T-Shirt?
Madeline Iva writes fantasy, paranormal, and contemporary romance. Her novella ‘Sexsomnia’ is available in our LadySmut anthology HERE, and her fantasy romance, WICKED APPRENTICE, will be out Fall, 2016.