11
Posted in Dominance, Sex, Submission
July 22, 2016

We're All Kinky Monsters. Yes, We Are.

By Elizabeth SaFleur

I have no frickin’ idea how to start this post, except to tell you the truth. I was minding my own Internet business doing research when I came across  this Psychology Today blog post talking about how fetishes aren’t so, well, fetish-y anymore. It’s a fascinating short read in which I learned in some parts of Japan you can find vending machines that sell used school girl panties. Ya know, to satisfy that on-the-go panty fetish urge.

giphy (2)

But after reading said post, a question arose. Are there any sexual taboos left? Any more sexual proclivities one wishes to keep secret? Like not out in public via vending machine where anyone with a phone can snap a pix of you burying your snoz in a girl’s thong?

Let us review. A decade (or two) ago, being gay was considered scandalous. Five years ago (okay, maybe ten), most people were aghast at BDSM. The Fifty Shades phenomenon cured that last one — sort of. So now? I ask, in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice, are there any sexual activities left that cause scandal? Or have we all woken up to the fact we’re all kinky monsters at heart?

giphy

According to Psychology Today, fetishism is “sexual attraction to objects, situations, or body parts not traditionally viewed as sexual.” This definition did not help at all in discovering who might fall into the kinky camp.  I turned to the diagnostic criteria for 302.81, a.k.a Fetishism, from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision, Copyright 2000, by the American Psychiatric Association. (We at Ladysmut like to be all official-like with our references.)

Criteria, by the Big Bad-Ass Psychology Community, for being a fetishist:

  1. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving the use of nonliving objects (e.g., female undergarments).

Does a vibrator count? Because that pretty much puts most of the female population on this list.

  1. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Well, that depends. Define impairment. Like think about it all the time? Wouldn’t that put most males between the age of 12 and, oh, 70 in that category because they have sex on the brain?

  1. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing (as in Transvestic Fetishism) or devices designed for the purpose of tactile genital stimulation (e.g., a vibrator).

So, I guess dressing up as a woman if you’re a man and using a vibrator isn’t a fetish? And if I’m a woman who worships her vibrator like the God-given-best-thing-man-ever-invented-since-fire miracle that it is,  I’m off the hook, too? But if I throw in some stuffed animals (plushophilia) or other objects, I’m a deviant? What about foot fetishes (podophilia)? They’re human (partly) and not an object. (I’m not gonna lie to you, I want to do Alexander Skarsgard’s abs as seen in Tarzan like nobody’s business.)

Further research only confuses things. You  can find reams of studies that show kinky sexual fantasies are super common, how some kinks (such as cuckolding) are growing in popularity, and  how even the Big Bad-Ass Psychology Community has been re-assessing its viewpoints on BDSM (not considered a kink by many, but close enough for our purposes).

giphy (4)

Bottom line, there seems to be a growing acceptance that if something turns you on and you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself), have at it. Okay, then. Carpe the fucking diem out of that turn-on.

Yet perhaps something even more important is going on. We’re growing to become more of who we really are and not society’s version of who you should be?  Sorry for the Dr. Phil moment. But, really, addressing your desires, even the dark scary ones that some Big Bad Ass Psychology Community has deemed “not normal” can be empowering and healthy (once again provided it’s safe, sane and consensual). In fact, many new studies have shown people who engage in BDSM are happier and healthier than most people. Why? Because they’re being themselves.

Psst. In case you’re absolutely convinced you’re 100 percent vanilla, I don’t want to burst your bubble. But if you are turned on by hot men (or women) pictures you might fall into pygophilia, the love of buttocks. Or, perhaps you love muscles? You have sthenolagnia. Sicko. Then, of course, most males would fall into having mazophilia, which is worshiping breasts. Geez, get out the straight jackets.

Personally, I think we should all adopt erotophilia: Positive attitude to sexuality (opposed to erotophobia). Here, let us help:

27a6a09f577dc026efcf3f50e17454b6

Follow Ladysmut. We don’t mind if you’re kinky. We love eeeeeverybody.

Speaking of which, check out Rachel Kramer Bussel’s latest anthology, Begging For It.

What would you give — or give up — to fulfill your most cherished sex fantasy? In this Cleis Press collection, erotica editor Rachel brings us femme fatales and shy women, women on a mission and women opening up to new worlds of discovery: women who know what they want and are not afraid to beg for it! Let yourself go with these 20 tantalizing tales of tortuous longing and release.

*****

Elizabeth SaFleur writes contemporary erotic romance and she’s not afraid to get a little graphic about it  — “it” being the smex, the BDSM or Washington, DC society, which she regularly features in her series, the Elite Doms of Washington. She also is super proud of her erotophilia and sthenolagnia.

Tagged with: , , , , , , ,

11 comments

  • Post authorMischa Eliot

    I feel so…. so… non-kinky… Looks like I need to start getting tied up more often for research. Great post!

    Reply to Mischa Eliot
    • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

      Thanks, Mischa. That’s the beauty of today — you can be yourself. 🙂

      Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur
  • Pingback: Featuring: Elizabeth SaFleur – Embrace the Kink » Mischa Eliot | M. J. Spencer | Author of SmuttyWorks | Write.Every.Day. Blog (Edit)

  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    Yeah, the consensus seems to be that as long as you can find someone to do your kink with (if it needs others) and they’re willing and you’re willing and you don’t hurt yourself, or them, or someone else’s property then it’s all good.

    Given that all of this is set off by some experience you have in your formative years — I wonder if certain cultural phenomenons spur a whole generation towards a certain kink. Kind of like a whole generation of teenage boys were never the same again after seeing Princess Leia in her metal bikini and collar….

    Reply to Madeline Iva
    • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

      Oh, that gold bikini! Ha-ha. What an interesting question – do kinks come and go due to cultural phenomenons? Methinks you have a research project there, M!

      Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur
      • Post authorMadeline Iva

        Yeah, well the generation growing up with those viagra commericials is completely fucked if that’s the case….

        Reply to Madeline Iva
  • Post authorpatriciaknight190

    Love this! So…what do you call the craze for unsolicited dic pics? Could that be a fetish? I bet the sender gets off on imagining the salacious stirring of the recipient when presented with his manly organ (which, in most cases, couldn’t be further from the truth–I speculate, but I’d imagine its in the same category as my feelings when my dog brings me a dead baby bunny. “Here’s my best gift, Mom!” Ah, thanks…wait while I go sob in the bathroom).

    Reply to patriciaknight190
    • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

      Ah, manly organs. XOXO Dickaphilia?

      Sadly, my furry child also has bunn-a-philia. No matter how many times I tell him the bunnies are our friends, he goes at them like they’re those rabbits from The Holy Grail movie.

      Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur
    • Post authorMadeline Iva

      We had a Sexy Saturday Round Up post about a woman who did a gallery exhibition using all the unsolicited dic pics she and friends had been sent for years. She followed up on these dic pic guys to find out what they were thinking. They were basically flashing the women–expressing aggressive behavior towards people who couldn’t stop the violation…so there ya have it.

      Reply to Madeline Iva
      • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

        Some men just have too much time on their hands — and too much aggression. Go to the gym…

        Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur

Comments & Reviews

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.