Fantasies and the Married Woman: A Guest Post by Karen Booth
by Karen Booth
Note from Kiersten: It’s theme week here at Lady Smut as we celebrate the release of Lady Smut blogger Elizabeth Sa Fleur’s novel Perfect, the newest installment in her Elite Doms of Washington series.
Isabella Santos married the wrong man. After her husband’s death, fate gives her a second chance to connect with her perfect Master—Mark Santos, the brother of her late husband.
To herald the arrival of Perfect, we’ll be talking this week about second chances, committed relationships, venturing into new (sexual) experiences, and lots of other tasty treats served up Lady Smut style. Author Karen Booth was game to join us this week and delve into the fantasies of married woman–because they’re married, not blind or dead. Welcome Karen!
If you read and believe Cosmo magazine, even we married women spend our day sitting around, mulling over our sexual fantasies, and then when nighttime comes, we just say, “Hey, honey. You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” And our partner says, “Hell yes. Let’s do THAT. Now.” And he takes off his clothes and has perfect abs and we do it in the front yard in front of the neighbors and start a sexual revolution in the suburbs.
Except I know for a fact that it doesn’t work like that.
A few years ago, I wrote an erotic novella called Love Plus One. It’s about a couple that decides to start pushing boundaries in the bedroom after nearly a decade of marriage. Olivia, the heroine, is frustrated as hell. Between kids and career and the house, sex has taken a back seat. Being a sex kitten, a wife, and a mom is hard—I don’t know that men realize what a difficult mental shift that can be. A little help, please. Sex with her husband, Brian, used to curl her toes. Now he’s hardly mussing up her hair.
I wrote the book in part, because I have lived this frustration. Lots of people have. Let me just put KIDS in all-caps because that’s where things really started to go south for me, as much as I love the (now not-so little) buggers. It’s next to impossible to feel sexy when you’re exhausted. The only thing you want happening in bed is sleep. Your body is mushy in new places. Your spouse has seen your body do amazing, impossibly unsexy, things. Things like breasts, which used to be strictly for fun, become utilitarian.
Making things new and exciting after that is not easy. We want to connect with our partner. Walls have been torn down. We have a new closeness. I know how to fix this! Talking! Now is the time to really tell the other person what you want, quite possibly the thing you’ve always wanted but never had the guts to admit. You love each other. You care about each other. This will totally work.
Yeah. Not so easy. Especially if you’re like me—shy.
But Karen, you write sexy books.
Yep, yep. I know. Still shy.
Unless I’m writing a book or over-sharing with my girlfriends after one too many cocktails, being verbal about sex does not come naturally to me at all. I’m a writer. Show, don’t tell. Show me what you want. I’m not talking. Much. Dems da rules.
I know for a fact that I’m not alone. And it’s not just women who have a hard time asking.
Which led me to the second reason I wrote this book. Brian has a fantasy he’s never shared, something he has kept locked up in his handsome head for years. He might never have shared it, but Olivia has forced the issue. That’s what we do, right? She wants him back in charge and she told him so. She wants to know what he wants. The answer? He wants to watch Olivia with another man.
Now, I wouldn’t describe Brian as shy, but there’s a real reason why he never brought it up and I think it’s one that a lot of us can relate to. What happens if you divulge your deepest, darkest fantasy and your spouse or partner is abhorred? Disgusted? And you have to look at them every morning over coffee for the rest of your life?
The other part of the equation is that he doesn’t quite understand why he has this fantasy. Luckily, Olivia has reached the point where she just wants to tear down walls left and right. You can only push a woman so far. They talk about it, and he eventually sorts out what it is about this scenario that is such a turn-on, and it’s not what Olivia thought.
Fantasies are like snowflakes. Most of us don’t know why we’re turned on by certain scenarios or situations, we only know that we are. It’s one thing to acknowledge these fantasies in the first place. Oh wait, I do want to do it with four guys at once. For example. It’s quite another thing to be vocal about it.
It’s tough to admit a fantasy, especially in the context of a relationship. At what point is it okay to bring it up? At the beginning, when you really like someone, you’re worried about looking bad or bringing about the end of your time with this amazing person you found. You know what she wanted? She wanted to do it with four guys. For example.
As things get more serious, well, they get more serious. There’s more on the line. You’re terrified you’re going to mess up. And then there’s just the practical side of things—after ten years, you’re telling me you want to try THAT? Where did you even learn about that? Have you been thinking about this the whole time we’ve been together?
It’s a Catch-22 unlike any other. The closer you get, the more time you spend together, the more you trust and (hopefully) love each other. It should get easier to share your deepest, darkest desires. But at that point, you love this person more than anything, and it feels risky. What if this is the one thing that crosses the line for them?
It’s scary stuff. And if it’s not scary for you, and you are the Sir Edmund Hillary of sexual exploration, that’s awesome. The rest of us are still figuring this out. The point is, the person we love most might not be as open as we need them to be. Or…they might be. So, maybe it’s best to take the leap, hope to hell that love gets us through it, and try to get what we want. The rewards might be pretty spectacular.
Karen Booth is a Midwestern girl transplanted in the South, raised on ‘80s music, Judy Blume, and the films of John Hughes. She writes sexy contemporary big-city romance. Love Plus One is one of three erotic romances included in her new erotic bundle (not a euphemism), Hot Nights, Big City. Learn more at her website www.karenbooth.net and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
Love Plus One
Eager to reclaim a passionate past, Brian Saunders whisks his wife, Olivia, off to Manhattan to pursue the fantasy he’s never revealed—he wants another man to pleasure her while he watches. Olivia never imagined her husband was concocting this scenario in his handsome head, nor did she imagine he’d choose Michael, their mutual, smoking hot friend, to help him out. Venturing into uncharted waters, Brian must contend with a heady mix of envy and arousal while Olivia surrenders to a man who’s fired up to have his chance with her. When three becomes two again, Brian’s only desire is to reclaim his stake on his wife and Olivia can’t wait to give him everything that’s his.
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