August 24, 2016

Heading Toward Nirvana – The Art of the BJ

blowjob By Elizabeth Shore

I love the way he moves his hips, the sounds that he makes, the way his body tightens up and I know to take it down a notch and finally when his body jerks and I feel all that cum fill my mouth and hit the back of my throat. It’s awesome. – Anonymous from Datehookup.com

I recently came across a fascinating post blogger Jill Hamilton wrote last year about giving blow jobs that – for her – bring her as close as possible to a religious experience. Jill’s article also included a piece of beautiful writing from Samantha Gillison who affirms that sex puts her on a path to the divine. Heavens! Clearly these ladies are having some mind-altering, sweaty-ass, beautifully filthy sex to which we all can aspire. So there’s that. But what I found myself fixated on was Gillison’s discovery on the joys of giving head, something she’d once viewed with trepidation – was she doing it right? was he enjoying it? – to something she now calls “profound, dirty pleasure.” Profound, dirty pleasure? Sign me up!

I’ll admit, I’m in complete agreement with Gillison. Yet when I decided to poke around the web to see what other women are saying about “heading” down south on their men, the results were mixed. Responses took a pretty hard line between the “love it” and “hate it” camps. Far less common were those who think it’s just “OK.” The quote I’ve highlighted above clearly comes from someone in the “love it” group of gals, and echoes the sentiment of fellow BJ devotees. When asked what they liked about it, much of what I came across from women went this like: “It’s hot to see your partner so turned on.” “A confidence builder when you know you’re rocking someone’s world.” “Gives me a sense of power.” “I know he loves it, so I love it, too.” Variants of that last comments were by far what I saw the most. In addition, some women cited love of their man’s smell and his taste, although views on the taste were, to no surprise, a bit of a mixed bag. (btw, for purposes of this post I’m tabling the whole “swallow or spit” discussion since I’ve covered it separately here).

Curiously, something I thought I’d see a lot of conversation on but didn’t is the whole issue surrounding trust and how hot it is when he surrenders it to you. Think about it. We all know the one physical advantage women have over men is our lack of balls. We gals face no danger of being felled to the ground with a single swift kick to the groin. But slam a heel into a guy’s testicles and he’s going down like a ton of bricks, collapsing into a fetal position and probably upchucking whatever he had for lunch. Yet he’s willing to take that chance when you give him head, dropping trou and literally exposing himself, being at his most vulnerable. It’s the ultimate trust, and hot damn is it ever a turn on. The deep connection, the shared experience…as one woman wrote in a chatroom: “It’s quite a turn on to be that intimate.”

Yet for all the warm and fuzzy, feel-good experiences of giving head, there are some women who just can’t won’t do it. Period. No matter how much they love their partner, no matter how much he may want it, they’re just not giving in. Of course, there are men of the same mindset as well, those for whom eating pussy is as appealing as eating poo. But to those oral avoiders I share this reminder: ’tis better to give than receive. Being the supplier of such intense, physical pleasure, unmatched by pretty much anything else – well, who wouldn’t want to? Sure, you can ride his pony until he howls to the moon, but intercourse is a different experience from oral. Don’t ya think?

Click on image to buy!
Click on image to buy!

We want to know! Yay or nay? Share your views in the comments section below. And if you’re looking for a hot read featuring the scorching combo of dominant sex and a powerful man, check out our own Elizabeth SaFleur’s new book Perfect, part of her Elite Doms of Washington series, whose release we’re celebrating this week. Click on the cover to buy!


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  • Post authorbarbaramikula

    I have personally never minded doing “the deed” but I do draw the line at swallowing. I don’t know why exactly. But as an author of 34 erotic romance novels, I always have my heroine swallow. It just makes the experience more intimate. Maybe it does in real life as well. Something to think about! LOL – http://www.skyemichaelsbooks.com

    Reply to barbaramikula
  • Post authorElizabeth SaFleur

    Ah, the ‘going downtown’ or ‘staying uptown’ line. I agree with you that providing that much pleasure to a man is a huge turn-on. But I’ve always wondered if some women don’t like it because it feels subservient. Perhaps they can’t get past the idea they are doing something for the man and (for them) they aren’t getting anything in return. Regardless, I’m really starting to see in my advancing age how sexuality remains one the greatest human mysteries. Who knows how we ended up liking one thing and not another?

    (P.S. Thanks for the Perfect shout-out. For the record, this book’s heroine LOVES going down on her man.)

    Reply to Elizabeth SaFleur
  • Post authorKel

    Yes vote.

    Not just because I get off on getting my partner off (literally in some cases), but because the combination of touch-smell-taste is an amazing turn on in and of itself, and it gives opportunity for me to touch him with other parts of me in ways that are incredibly erotic to me. If you’re not a possessor of especially sensitive breasts, you won’t know this, but if you are, you can get a really a couple of good angles where gravity and friction and nipples and various parts of him really work together, even if he’s not consciously helping *at all*

    Of course, if you’re not very sensitive to things like power play and breathing patterns and heat changes and unconscious twitches, you probably won’t get nearly as much from giving a blow job as getting someone going down on you. And the question of submissive acts is complicated. Submission is all in your head, so whatever you think is submissive is. If you think giving someone a blow job is submitting to them, it will be. If you think it’s an intimate gift, it will be. Aren’t humans grand?

  • Post authorMadeline Iva

    I agree that in the past the BJ used to be seen as a subservient act, and as something more intimate than penetrative sex. I even shied away from it in my early days of sex because it was the iconic act of every low status whore or not-self-respecting dirty girl in a movie, etc. However what we do in the dark is so different and has such different meanings from what society tells us, that I long ago realized–especially as a very oral person–that hey! I like this.

    That said, I think for today’s millennials, HIV, and the more openly gay communities have shifted things. Now anal sex is the dirty girl act — while the BJ, as one gay guy on facebook put it, is practically the new gay handshake. And that oral sex is now almost like the audition for the more intimate penetrative sex.

    Reply to Madeline Iva
  • Post authorelfahearn

    I think the “submission” idea came from idiots pushing my head down, essentially letting me know in no uncertain terms what they wanted. And with dudes like that, reciprocity was not in their vocabulary.

    Reply to elfahearn

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