by Madeline Iva
Time for some research, folks! I’ve been thinking about Elizabeth SaFleur’s latest book PERFECT, which has a fair amount of suspense, but also focuses on some smexy spankings.
Here are things I know:
Our Lady Smut followers lurv spanking–or at least reading about it.
Many of my girlfriends shrug when it comes to spanking, don’t get it at all, or totally love it. I’d say it’s about a third each. These are women over thirty, who are comfortable with sex, with themselves, and with men.
There’s an assumption (when one looks at the internet at least) that a lot of men out there are dying to spank women — if not spank them, then slap their ass during sex.
This assumption–that being a man means you are driven to dominate women I think is just like the assumption that all men are secretly/not so secretly dying to have anal sex. I don’t buy it. It probably reflects more the general ass-hattery that crops up on the internet. The asshats are a significant population, sure, but probably half the size of the majority of absolutely clueless and the much smaller slice of thoughtful relationships put together. It’s the thoughtful relationships that *I’m* talking about, btw.
In terms of men and women in relationships, I’m not sure that it’s really true all men across the board want to spank. (I know of no males who want to be spanked, but maybe I’m just hanging out in the wrong social circles.) Based on a very, very small statistical sample of men who I know about–cause it’s not something one wants to ask strangers–I tend to get the idea that the men are more complicit partners when it comes to this kind of stuff–it’s the women who are leading the charge. But if it makes her happy….
So for the people who shrug or don’t get it, here’s what I found out from my research:
- Spanking is a gateway erotic sex act. It’s pretty basic, very safe, and yet involves some of the elements of more advanced BDSM: power, infantilization, hurting/caring dynamics, and trust issues. It’s kinky lite for the beginner, the uninitiated, the uninhibited. It still requires communication with your partner–a key element to happiness in all sex.
- Spanking can release endorphins in the body, stimulate pressure points, and even cause vaginal orgasm. Or not. It depends on many factors–but with a “good” spanking–and there can be some skill involved here–and pain can melt into pleasure.
- Spanking pleasure is built as much upon the pleasurable nervousness of anticipation as it is upon the actual act.
Which brings me back to Elizabeth SaFleur’s book PERFECT which involves a domestic discipline relationship. There’s a ruler with teeth marks in it in the book that I can’t get out of my mind. I’ll leave it to your imagination to figure out what I’m talking about. <wink>
In contemplating domestic discipline, and why people might get off on it, I would argue that domestic discipline aims to amp up that anticipation factor. The man (usually) sets up the rules of the house. Violations are punished with spankings. Rewards can be spankings too. So the tension involves how the submissive decides to play with power. Does the submissive want to strive to please her partner or violate the rules? Either way, she is in control of the anticipation; first while she contemplates being compliant or defiant, and afterwards when she takes action. Then she gets to wait–and desire is all about the art of waiting.
Want more spanking? Here are some popular Lady Smut blog posts about it:
And here are some other blog posts to explore if you’re thinking about how to get started:
But don’t forget to check out Elizabeth SaFleur’s new book PERFECT— it’s going bazonkers over at Amazon right now–join the stampede.
Here’s the blurb:
Sometimes the perfect man is the one who’s most forbidden.
After her husband’s death, Isabella Santos fled Washington and its bruising memories. But estate matters force her to return and fate gives her a chance to connect with a man she’d always secretly longed to call Master—Mark, the brother of her late husband.Mark, retired from his black ops career, grabs the second chance Isabella’s sudden appearance in D.C. presents. He’s never forgiven his late brother’s neglect of Isabella, a woman he’s loved from afar for ten years. Now reunited, he’s determined to earn her heart and submission.As their forbidden love blooms, they forge a perfect domestic discipline life that provides a feeling of oneness and completion. But her family’s opposition and demons from her late husband’s life intervene. In the end, the only way to have the future they’ve dreamed of, is to come to terms with the past.
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