Surfing the Crimson Tide–Without A Surfboard
by Madeline Iva
Dear vaginas – Today we have a treat for you. Adriana Anders is here to discuss her own adventures in cutting edge science with some real life experimentation. Read below, as we continue to celebrate our very own Alexa Day’s re-released first novel, ILLICIT IMPULSE. Enjoy!
A couple months ago, in the name of science, and for the sake of my blood-sisters everywhere, I decided to bite the bullet and try out a couple pairs of that period underwear Facebook decided to spike my feed with. There were a few reasons for doing this. First is my hatred of tampons. Shoving a ball of dry cotton up my vagina has somehow lost its magic. Also, I love the concept—It’s easy! It’s antibacterial! It’s reusable and sustainable and it just makes sense! I also love their messaging: THINX—Period panties for modern women.
I bought three pairs, at over $30 each. So—an investment, definitely, because it’s more than I generally spend on undies. At the same time, not that much if you consider the money you splash out on supplies. Oh, and you can try them and get your money back if you don’t like them after 60 days. The pictures are cute—right? I got a couple pairs of Boyshorts and a pair of those lace-inset Hi-Waist panties. All of it looked a little big on the model, but boyshort usually translates to bikini on me so I wasn’t concerned. The day the package arrived, I got that birthday morning kind of excitement and actually ran home from work at lunch to try them on.
And…they’re granny panties.
But okay, okay, I can go with that for a few days a month. Call ‘em tap pants and they’re almost sexy. All three pairs had a shiny exterior and a full cotton lining. No other bells and whistles. The lacey ones were worlds prettier and equate to about two tampon’s worth, whereas the others equal about one.
And this is where things get a little dicey—there’s no way to tell when it’s time to change these undies. You’re on your own—the underwear is quite literally opaque, giving you no idea where you are. So, unless you change ten times a day, you run the risk of getting caught, well, not quite red-handed, but you get the gist.
I decided to put the panties to the test. For you, my fellow bleeders, I took the THINX out for a night on the town—with no back up. It was period Day 2 and my girlfriends and I had decided on an early night. I slipped into my Hi-Waist pair and a thin sundress (both in black, because I’m intrepid, not stupid) and hit the town.
Here’s how it went:
- 6:30: Arrive at restaurant.
- 7:45: First trip to the restroom. Heavy flow, no apparent leakage. Report back to girlfriends that all was well.
- 8:45 – 10:00: Early night? Who said early night?
- 10:30: After a cocktail and some wine, we decide to head to a new bar in town where the fabulous Madeline Iva, Elizabeth Safleur and I had spotted a hot bearded bartender the week before. It’s a 15-minute walk on heels. Feet don’t hurt because booze.
- 12:00: Flirt with bartender. Trip to ladies room. Oh, look, I have my period! I’d totally forgotten about that! How cool is it that I don’t have to pull anything out of my vagina and then replace it with a new thing! And this underwear is so normal, I’d forgotten all about it!
- Sometime between 12:00 and 1:00: This selfie is taken. Pretty happy about things. Not a care in the world. Bartender is cute, and friends iz better. So fun!
- Around 1:30ish (maybe?): I’m dumped at my front door, head to the bathroom and… Leakage. Okay, okay. But this is the first sign of overflow I’ve seen all night and I’ve been out for… SEVEN HOURS on my heaviest flow day. And it was like not having my period! After a shower, I grab a pair of boyshorts and head to bed.
- 6:30am: Trip to bathroom. No leakage. I’m ordering more of these STAT.
The pluses: No more shoving of things in and out of your body in public restrooms. No more disposing of said items. No more uncomfortable wads stuffed into panties. It’s liberating.
The minuses: If you’re out for an evening, you’re stuck. Nobody wants to slide a baggie of bloody undies into their clutch half-way through the festivities. Also, the material is not very breathable, despite the cotton lining. I needed a break after 24 hours and chose to go days with THINX and nights with alternative protection.
Final prognosis: I love THINX. They’re freeing and, if you don’t go too wild with the besties, they are the perfect protection! (Though I might try their other panty styles next time.)
Adriana Anders has slung cocktails, worked for start-ups, multinationals, and small non-profits, but it wasn’t until she returned to her first love—writing romance—that she finally felt like she’d come home. Today, she resides with her tall French husband and two small children in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, where she writes dark, emotional love stories.
Her Body is a Canvas
A darkly possessive relationship has left Uma alone and on the run. Beneath her drab clothing, she hides a terrible secret—proof of her abuse, tattooed onto her skin in a lurid reminder of everything she’s survived.
Caught between a brutal past and an uncertain future, Uma’s reluctant to bare herself to anyone…much less a rough ex-con whose rage drives him in ways she can’t possibly understand. But beneath his frightening exterior, Ivan is gentle. Warm. Compassionate. And just as determined to heal Uma’s broken heart as he is to destroy the monster who left his mark scrawled across the delicate tapestry of her skin.
Find Adriana on social media: