Ghosts Making Booty Calls

28 Oct

by Elizabeth SaFleur

It’s a wild wicked week at LadySmut. Not only is our very own Madeline Iva coming out with her latest, Wicked Apprentice, but we’re tackling all the Halloween myths, legends, costume angst and deep, dark truths lurking around this favorite holiday.

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Let’s talk ghost sex. As in, how they do it. You’ve wondered this, too? Well, good. Because I’ve lost some sleep over figuring out how do ghosts get it on. I mean, they’re transparent. How does “that” get into “this.” (Picture the hand gestures being made right now.) Wouldn’t it just, ahem, slide right through? And not in a good way. In a completely ineffectual way.

An answer must be found. It simply must. Because apparently fifteen perfect — FIFTEEN PERCENT! — of real, live, breathing people are getting it on with a non corporeal being. Even the Travel Channel did a documentary called Ghost Lovers (now officially in my Netflix cue. Oy, the things I endure for research.).

Consent isn’t such a thing in ghostland, either. Some people who’ve been the recipient of such a spiritual encounter did not make the booty call. The horny apparitions just appeared and started groping like Donald Trump. Oh, the horrors.

ghostbusters-ghost-blowjob-o

According to experts, however, just a fraction of the world’s ghost sex is non-consensual. Well, whew. But wait a minute. This means some of them DID ask for it? Yeppers. In fact, a whole community has cropped up around ghost fetishism. You just have to be open to such an encounter, say the people with spectrophilia, the official name for a fetish or condition where people display a strong sexual attraction to ghosts and spirits. So, settle in, relax your mind and bring on the invisible ding dongs? Even if you could request ghost sex, the original question stands.

HOW does it work?

ghost-movie

I turned to my favorite kind of research: buying and reading erotic romance books (as if the incentive was required). The amount of available ghost erotica is impressive. Succubus, demons and Casper-like beings are all getting it on between the pages. Carolyn Crane, Beth Kery, and our very own Alexa Day have written ghosts tales.

Check out Alexa’s short story, Three, After Midnight, in Mysteries of the Macabre: a Halloween Anthology. So. Much. Hawtness.

So, how do they do it? you are shouting  right now. The answer is simple my friends, thanks to Carolyn Crane’s Old Salt, a delightful short about a disenchanted tour guide in a small town whose claim to fame is the nightly hauntings from a drowned sea captain called “Old Salt.” Turns out “Old Salt” is really “Young Hot Guy.”

****SPOILER ALERT****

She dies. But all is not lost. He teaches the tour guide how to become corporeal for short periods of time. Guess what they do during these times? They concentrate really, really hard and bam! Bam-bam-bam-bam!

ghost-kiss

He-he-he-he. So there you go. Who knew the answer was so easy? You just gotta want it. Like anything in life, I guess.

Follow LadySmut. We’re easy. We won’t make you have sex with invisible critters for fun. Just pick up one of our books, like Madeline Iva’s latest, Wicked Apprentice, for all the salacious fun and fantasy you can handle.

About Wicked Apprentice

Zephyr, apprentice of magical arts, is having a really bad day. Under orders to capture an uncanny creature for her mistress’s latest spell, she chains up a tall, gorgeous elf in a decaying castle, only to find out he’s really a wizard with potent powers over human women. Uh-oh.

Theo has suffered heartbreak and betrayal more than once. He’s got a plan to escape, and when he does, he’s taking the curvy little apprentice with him. Her seductive curiosity about all things elvish makes his heart race, driving him into a sexual frenzy. He’s vowed never to unleash his powers of enchantment upon a human woman—yet while she kisses and teases him, longing for an elf romance, his fae side is slipping out of control.

Their world overturns when Zephyr unleashes a curse involving two magic rings. Under its spell, she becomes a mighty sorceress while the elf-wizard who loves her becomes her apprentice. As Zephyr works to turn the brooding, mistrustful elf into the hero the people need, Theo must find a way to contain Zephyr’s new powers before her wild magic destroys them all.

Madeline Iva’s high fantasy romance will enchant readers who love all things elvish, brooding heroes and bold heroines.

*****

Elizabeth SaFleur writes contemporary erotic romance and she’s not afraid to get a little graphic about it  — “it” being the smex, the BDSM or Washington, DC society, which she regularly features in her series, the Elite Doms of Washington.

5 Responses to “Ghosts Making Booty Calls”

  1. Phil Taylor October 28, 2016 at 4:34 am #

    I won’t read the books, but your post about ghost sex is hilarious! I wish I had thought of it first!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Madeline Iva October 28, 2016 at 7:21 am #

    Ooooh, I love this topic! I have to say, having written a succubus tale myself, I am obsessed with the idea of sleep–or some non-waking state close to it–being a place of surrender to non-natural forces. I find this idea compelling. And ghost sex – well, it counts in the way human sex counts but it sorta doesn’t count too. So if one were to do things with a ghost that one would *never* do in real life–and let’s just leave the shivery feelings right there on the table.

    Your fav gal Kresley Cole deals with this in one of her books–a ghost or ‘a beautiful phantom’ as she is called, has feelings for the most messed up of vampires *ever*. That’s in Dark Needs at Night’s Edge–which I will admit I bought strictly for the cover alone. I like the idea of a female ghost stuck in a particular house where she was murdered (you find all this out right in the beginning) discovering that her one true love is a deeply troubled male vampire no human in her right mind would ever tackle. But hey! the heroine is a ghost–she’s got nothing but time and patience. And given his violent insane rages–she can’t inadvertently be hurt by him either as he tries to regain his grip on sanity and his life.

    As far as the sex goes–I think she’s more corporeal at night or every so often and those are their windows of opportunity. There are times when she’s there and no one knows she is–they can’t tell. So that’s how that works. I think. It’s been a while since I read it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth SaFleur October 28, 2016 at 9:31 am #

      Ah, yes, Sexsomnia! Such a great story.

      Really great point – does ghost sex “count?” Or is it like the “celebrity out clause” in marriage? (Everyone has one celebrity they’d love to snuggle up to, and it’s okay if it ever comes to fruition.)

      And thanks for Kresley Cole recommendation.

      Like

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  1. Authors That Keep Vibrator Sales a Hummin’ | Lady Smut - December 23, 2016

    […] posts by moi posed the Really Important Questions, like how do ghosts do it (Ghosts Making Booty Calls) and have what we consider a good-looking man changed much in the last century (A Century of Hot […]

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