As you know from earlier posts this week, we Lady Smutters are bonding together like a coven of witches to spellbind you with the fabulous release of our own Madeline Iva’s high fantasy sexy romance, Wicked Apprentice. Her story includes elves and magic and hot men, oh my! One of the themes is also wickedness, and who doesn’t like thinking about that? Evil = cool, right? (I’m talking to you, Hannibal Lechter). We see that trope repeated all the time. The evil guy is the cool guy. And since Ray Bradbury taught us that Something Wicked This Way Comes, what better way to celebrate Madeline’s release than by having cool wicked stuff come to you, our deliciously wicked Lady Smut readers. So to begin…
Wine condoms. Yay! You know how it is when you crack open a bottle of wine, have a glass or two, but then decide to save the rest for later. Except “later” in the wine world can mean the difference between a one-time delicious beverage and something akin to drain-o. Wine stoppers can be useful, but how inconvenient that they stick up an inch or two above the bottle, causing refrigerator storage problems for those with small spaces. Well, no more. Not with a wine condom. Simply rip open the foil (and we all know how to do that right? 😉 ) and roll the wine condom right over the smooth, hard, wine bottle head. It’s just like rolling a regular condom over…well, you get the point. The wine condom creates a vacuum tight seal that’ll help keep your wine fresh for days. One cautionary note: the wine condom does not play double duty for any other kind of sheathing needs, so don’t even try it. It won’t work.
Viagra mouth spray. Wicked effective! One quick pump of this mist and he’ll be able to pump away for the next hour and a half. Much more fast acting than the pill because because tissue absorbs the drug faster than when it has to pass through the stomach. It’s – alas – not on the market yet, but developers are saying it could be within the next three years. Just don’t mistake it for breath spray.
Vag tattoos. There are entire websites devoted to this. There are YouTube slideshows. Twitter hashtags. Oh yeah, it’s a thing. In general, I’m a fan of tattoos. I think they can be hot, sexy, certainly arousing. When you don’t know someone has one and then make the discovery as the clothes start coming off…yeah, that’s hot. Tats, of course, are also a bad boy staple. Hot motorcycle guy without a sleeve of ink? Kind of a dud. But IMO, a little goes a long way with a vag tat. Less is definitely more. And when you add a glow-in-the-dark element to it, I have to ask why. Why would anyone do that? What’s the appeal in turning your cooch into a built-in night light? I guess you’d have to ask Onya Cox, who bills herself as the only woman in the world to have one. Ahem, Onya? I’m pretty sure there’s a reason you’re the only one. As for regular vag tats, I’ve seen photos of some with a simple flower or butterfly inked right around the pubic bone and it can look kinda hot. A surprise appearance when the panties come down. If you want to see a few examples of some crazy vag tats, click here. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Stiff Bull Coffee. What do you get by combining coffee with viagra? Either an “awesome effect that can last for days” (Stiff Bull’s website) or “blood pressure lowered to dangerous levels” (the FDA). I’m saying file this one under Wickedly Weird, Potentially Bad Idea. Stiff Bull Coffeee is for men who want to “maintain an active relationship.” Except all that “activity” just may lead to very bad things, especially for men already taking nitrates. Instead of woody that might kill him, have your guy pop a little blue pill. Or alternately, read him passages from Wicked Apprentice. Click the photo to buy. And have a wicked good time. 😉
Elizabeth Shore writes both contemporary and historical erotic romance. Her newest book is an erotic historical novella, Desire Rising, from The Wild Rose Press. Other releases include Hot Bayou Nights and The Lady Smut Book of Dark Desires.